Tattooed
by GP06FR
Summary: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.
1. Prologue

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **How many of you remember reading the original Tattooed? Well, it's back. And this time, I'm taking a different path to the point of the story. There will be short, probably 400-500 word chapters with all the usual characters eventually playing their role.

The point of this story? Just Say No.

**Disclaimer: **I intend to use Syaoran's hotness, Sakura's sweetness, and probably Touya's protectiveness, and I promise you that none of it is mine. Not even the drugs.

* * *

**Prologue**

_ What'll you do when you get lonely_  
_And nobody's waiting by your side?_

- **Layla/Eric Clapton**

Sakura stopped short at the sight of the young boy before her, sitting in the middle of the road during a rainstorm like it was the normal thing to do.

"Hey," she called out. The boy didn't move. Sakura sighed softly before kneeling to see the boy's face. He looked up at her in a complete daze. Sakura could have known that look on anyone. She slapped him once, and then another time.

"Snap out of it," she told him. He merely smiled.

"How'd you know?" he asked in a slur.

Sakura scowled, disgusted for the first time. She stood and walked away to the entrance of her apartment. She was halfway up the stairs before she stopped to think and then realized there was no fighting it. Before she knew it, she was back where she started.

"Hey!" she screamed. The boy looked up at her through half closed eyes. They were a deep brown, Sakura noted. What a waste.

She dropped her umbrella, instantly getting wet in the rain. She trembled as she stood with the boy under her arms, leading him to her apartment entrance.

This was a bad idea and yet, she couldn't help herself. Coming into situations like these seemed like the thing Sakura was meant for.

*.*

Sakura forced the boy into the tub and switched the shower on. She stepped away just in time to avoid the cold impact of the water and watched the boy turn around and face the showerhead. He ran his hands through his hair and looked to be having a good time. With a sigh she switched the water to hot and left the bathroom.

After showering in her bathroom and dressed in dry clothes, with hair still wet Sakura came back to where she'd left the boy. There he was, still standing in the tub with his hands on the wall, his face down.

Wordlessly, she turned off the water and helped him out of the tub.

"Here," she said, pulling clothes and a towel out of the closet. "Change into these,"

Sakura left the room after that, combing through her long, knotted hair with her fingers.

*.*

The boy drank some water, snuggled into her father's bed and covers and fell into a fidgety sleep. Sakura knew, she checked on him many times that night. He woke up sometime during the night and simply sat, pointing at the mirror in front of him. Sakura sighed as she patted him on the head and relaxed him into sleep.

His wet clothes were on the floor, begging to be picked up. Shoes, watch and wallet lay there with them. Sakura eyed the watch for a considerable amount of time. She then noted the brand of his shoes.

It was an endless night.

*.*

Sakura sat drinking her coffee, dressed for work. That was when the door opened. Sakura turned around to find him staring at her.

"Who are you?"

Sakura wanted to laugh.

"Just someone who picked you off the street,"

"Oh," he felt his cheeks and blinked several times. Sakura noted how his eyes looked fine, his skin a good colour.

"What're you taking?"

"What?"

"I'm guessing it's Meth?" Sakura considered it the night before. The boy's silence confirmed it.

"Look," she said as she picked up her bag and water bottle. "I've got to get to work. Your clothes are in the dryer, the rest of your things are on the table in the room."

Sakura left without another word.

_Let's make the best of the situation_  
_Before I finally go insane._

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you.


	2. i

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **This is a shout out to petiteTRINH and xXBlossomofShadowsXx. Thank you for reviewing and following, and I hope you like this chapter just as much, it's dedicated to you!

Drugs, drugs, say no to the drugs.

**Disclaimer: **Syaoran's a bit of a bulb, but I swear he's still not mine.

* * *

**i.**

_Just tell me how I got this far _  
_Just tell me why you're here and who you are_

**- Everywhere/Michelle Branch  
**

The drive back home was a boring one. Sakura listened to the radio instead for a change, trying to enjoy the recent pop music. She tapped her fingers with the beat on the steering wheel at every traffic signal.

It had been a long drive home.

On the walk to her apartment she checked her mail and stopped to pull out keys when she heard sounds from the other side of the door. She sighed.

"You're still here," Sakura said as she closed the door behind her. The boy was now in his own clothes, sitting on her couch watching television.

"Yeah, I hope that's okay."

He looked alright, better than the morning.

"Did you eat something?" Sakura asked, suddenly feeling famished.

"No,"

"I'm going to order in. Do you like Chinese?"

She didn't hear a response. She removed her coat, went to her room, changed and dialled the Chinese place nearby for takeout. She left the room and found that the boy had turned off the television. Sakura went and switched it on again.

"Uh,"

"Yeah?"

Sakura switched through channels as the boy fumbled for words.

"Thanks," he told her.

"No problem."

Another channel switched.

"Where'd you find me?" he asked.

"Outside the apartment building,"

"Oh,"

She settled on cartoons. The doorbell rang. Sakura brought the food to the table near the living room and proceeded to set the table for two.

"Do you live alone?"

"Pretty much," Sakura answered as she handed him a fork.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty five," Sakura answered without missing a beat. "How old are you?" This was her second question to the boy.

"Twenty,"

"Hmm," He looked a lot younger than twenty. Sakura could've sworn he was a teenager.

"What's your name?" he asked her. Sakura didn't realize they didn't know each others' names. She almost laughed. As if names mattered. The boy would go back to whatever hellhole he'd climbed out from and she would hopefully never see him again.

She told him her name anyway.

"Sakura,"

"I'm Syaoran." He almost smiled. Still a child, this Syaoran was.

"Hmm,"

They ate dinner in silence, watching The Sylvester and Tweety Mysteries. Syaoran ate his stir fry quietly. Sakura wondered if he felt nauseous.

After dinner, she offered Syaoran some strawberry tarts for dessert. The boy ate three of them. So he preferred sweets. Sakura glanced at him once before taking a tart herself.

"How'd you know I wouldn't steal your TV?" he joked.

"I don't think my TV would fetch you half as much as your watch and shoes would." Sakura pointed out. He stiffened at that. The television barely made any noise but it was the only noise in the room, now that dinner had been done with and dessert had been finished.

"I've got to go," he told her as he stood. "Your clothes are in the dryer." He picked up his shoes from the room and slipped them on, looking at Sakura all the while. Sakura was looking back.

"Thanks, again." He said and opened the apartment door. Sakura stood in place, near the dining table.

"Sure,"

He closed the door behind him.

Sakura brushed her teeth, climbed into bed and briefly let her thoughts stray. He seemed polite enough, obviously well educated. It wasn't her place to judge and so she didn't. She couldn't help but wonder though. Why?

Sakura sighed and closed her eyes, listening to soothing sonatas.

How did it matter why? After sometime, even the addict lost sight of his own reasoning. The drug would be everything, the reason, the life, the why. Sakura didn't need to be told that.

Sleep came after much a fight that night.

*.*

Sakura looked out her balcony while she put her hair into a neat plait. The morning air in Glasgow was always so relaxing. The weather was always calming, maybe a bit too cold for her liking, but she'd gotten used to it.

It was true, Sakura wished she didn't have to live alone, but there wasn't a choice in the matter. Touya was busy with the organisation, Yukito was with him, and Tomoyo had work to do and her—

Sakura jerked at the sight of Syaoran walking down the pavement across from her apartment. He was listening to music. Sakura wanted to hide before he saw her. Too late for that, he'd looked up at her balcony and waved.

Sakura did not wave back.

_You're everything I know _  
_That makes me believe _  
_I'm not alone_

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you.


	3. ii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **This goes out to petiteTRINH, deadflo and xXBlossomofShadowsXx. Thank you for reviewing, following, favouriting, all of you out there, and I hope you like this one. This is to all of you.

deadflo's already done what I'm going to ask the rest of you to do. Check out my other stories when you've got the time. I'd love to know what you thought.

I hope you know the point of this story by now.

**Disclaimer: **Sadly, not even high on Meth Syaoran is mine.

* * *

**ii.**

_Just a day, just an ordinary day_  
_Just trying to get by._

**- Ordinary Day/Vanessa Carlton**

Tomoyo had come to have dinner with Sakura after a long time. She had missed her best friend, and Sakura had missed her right back. The two were currently picking up some groceries at a nearby store.

"So, what's going on with you?" Sakura asked as she carted some cheese and vegetables. Some pasta, and strawberries and she'd be done with shopping.

"Not much, mother's on a tour around the world again, so I'm left behind." Tomoyo said as she eyed some juice and then finally picked one up and placed carefully in the cart.

"You could always stay with me," Sakura told her.

"I live twenty minutes away." Tomoyo reminded Sakura.

"Sakura?"

Tomoyo and Sakura turned around to the strange voice. Sakura inhaled.

"Hello," Sakura said. Tomoyo smiled.

"Hey, I'm Tomoyo,"

"Syaoran." The two shook hands. His grip was firm. His eyes were bright.

"Grocery shopping?" Sakura asked, noting his posture and breathing.

"Yup," he smiled at her, as if to tell her that this time he wasn't high.

"Where do you stay?" Tomoyo asked.

"Oh, just across Sakura's apartment, actually." Syaoran told Tomoyo while glancing at Sakura. Sakura knew as much.

"Ah,"

"I was just here to see what to do about dinner. I'll be on my way. Nice meeting you, Tomoyo. Have a good night, Sakura." The boy moved to place his headphones back on.

"Hey," Tomoyo called out softly. Syaoran turned around.

"Have dinner with us."

Sakura and Syaoran shared brief eye contact. Sakura broke it to speak to Tomoyo.

"I'm sure he has plans, Tomoyo." Sakura stated.

"I don't mind." His reply was rushed.

"We're having Pasta Arrabiatta."

"Sounds great," Syaoran complimented. Sakura wanted to bash her best friend for the first time in a long time.

*.*

"Did you have to call the boy over for dinner?" Sakura whispered irritably to Tomoyo as the pasta boiled. Sakura glanced behind to the living room where the boy sat on the couch, watching television.

"You didn't tell me about him!" Tomoyo accused.

"There wasn't anything to tell!"

"With that face and those eyes, there's got to be something to tell, Sakura."

"It's not like that Tomoyo."

"But it might be, right?"

"He's—" Sakura paused while cutting up the vegetables. "Not my type."

"That boy is everybody's type."

"Tomoyo," Sakura's voice was stern this time. "Trust me, it will never happen."

Her best friend knew better than to argue with that voice. Instead, she helped Sakura chop up the strawberries and ready some syrup for the cheesecake.

"Do you need some help?" Syaoran stood at the dining table, facing the kitchen, with hands in his pockets.

"Sure. Could you set the table?" Tomoyo asked nicely. Sakura wanted to stuff a strawberry in Tomoyo's mouth, just to make sure she didn't talk too much. Syaoran picked up the mats, plates, forks and spoons and went to set the table.

"He's so sweet." Tomoyo exclaimed before refrigerating the newly garnished cheesecake.

Bitter on the occasional high though, Sakura wanted to add. She then placed the vegetables and pasta in the oven, turning around to find the boy and Tomoyo talking. Sakura wiped her hands clean before slicing some bread buns and adding in some garlic butter.

"Sakura," Tomoyo's voice was heard over the table, across the kitchen. She turned around.

"Did you know Syaoran was studying art at the GSA?"

Sakura shook her head. "No, I didn't know that. That's really nice."

"He's just finished getting a bachelors degree; one more year for masters."

"That's fantastic."

"Where're you from, Syaoran?" Tomoyo asked. Sakura listened in while buttering her fourth bun.

"I'm from Hong Kong, originally."

"Oh, Sakura and I are from Japan," Tomoyo told him as Sakura brought in dinner.

"I didn't know that. What do you two do?" Syaoran sat at the same place he sat last time. Sakura sat next to Tomoyo, opposite him.

"Well, I'm a fashion photographer over at Vogue Magazine,"

"That's awesome." Syaoran took a bite of his meal and hummed. Tomoyo nodded.

"...and Sakura's a teacher at St. Aloysius College and like the best cook ever." Sakura glared. Tomoyo nudged Sakura's ribs.

"What do you teach?"

"I teach English," Sakura took a bite.

"That's amazing." Syaoran praised. The three of them fell into an easy conversation after that.

Syaoran offered to cut up the Strawberry cheesecake after Tomoyo had brought it out.

"Did you make this?"

"From scratch," Sakura told him as-a-matter-of-fact like.

"It is unbelievable. Where'd you learn to cook like that?" it was an easy question. Sakura took one breath before answering.

"My dad taught me."

Syaoran nodded. "Must have been one hell of a cook,"

"He was,"

"Thanks for dinner. I have to say, this time was far better than the last time. You're a great cook, Sakura." He told her as he moved to the door.

"You've had dinner here before?" Tomoyo questioned Syaoran more than Sakura.

"A few weeks ago, yeah," Syaoran told her.

A simple wave and goodbye later, Tomoyo pointed an accusatory finger at said best friend.

"Still going to claim that nothing's going on?"

Sakura sighed and left to bring out some pyjamas for Tomoyo. There was no point arguing.

_Just a boy,_  
_Just an ordinary boy._

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Want to discuss this story? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter iii. of _Tattooed_ on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	4. iii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **To the usual followers, petiteTRINH, deadflo and xXBlossomofShadowsXx and to a new face, HeavenlyAngel34. Thank you for reviewing, following, favouriting. You inspire me to update everyday and I sincerely hope you like the pace of this story.

Check out my other stories when you've got the time. I'd love to know what you thought.

Just Say NO! to drugs.

**Disclaimer: **None of it is mine.

* * *

**iii.**

_She lives in a fairy tale_  
_Somewhere too far for us to find_  
_Forgotten the taste and smell_  
_Of a world that she's left behind_

**- Brick by Boring Brick/Paramore**

Sakura spent Friday nights listening to Jazz, enjoying a good book, grading papers... basically laying it low. After a tough week at school, Sakura preferred to grade her papers at home.

The couch in the living room faced the balcony which connected with the one in her bedroom. A light flickered on in the building across. She walked to the balcony in her nightgown.

A clear view into what she presumed was Syaoran's room allowed her to see nothing. The boy was nowhere in sight. Sakura sighed as she went back into the apartment, shut off the light and forced herself to sleep.

*.*

Saturday morning Sakura decided to make a trip to the National Library. She wanted to read a certain edition of Anne Frank's diary, the book they were discussing in school currently. Besides, it was too beautiful a day to waste indoors. The sun was finally out.

Sakura pulled out her brother's bicycle and rode uphill till the road evened out. A left turn later, she was in front of the library. Sakura parked the bike and smiled at the morning sun, Bach's Cello song in her ears. It was indeed a beautiful day. Warmer than most, better than all, it was just getting brighter and hotter by the minute.

Sakura might even have to take her coat off.

She walked through the aisles of books and finally found literature. She pulled out the Anne Frank diaries, one by one, checking the edition on them.

It was when she pulled out the fourth Anne Frank diary that she came face to face with Syaoran on the other side of the bookshelf.

"Hey," he said in a low voice.

"Hi,"

"What're you doing here?"

"I needed a book," Sakura showed him the diary. "What're you doing here?"

"Needed some information on artists of Roman origin," Syaoran showed her a book on Michelangelo. Sakura nodded and continued up the aisle, finding the edition she wanted. She turned around and rammed straight into Syaoran.

"Sorry," he told her as he helped her stand.

"It's fine,"

Sakura walked away and found a table and sat down. Moments later, Syaoran joined her.

"You like symphonies, and sonatas," he told her as he pulled out his pencil kit and pouch, laying out papers on the table.

"I guess you could say that." Sakura told him noncommittally, flipping through pages. Anyone could hear Bach still playing on in her earphones, even though she didn't have them on her ears anymore. Or did he snoop around her apartment that day he was home? Sakura'd never know.

"It's not really my thing, but I know these amazing guys who do sonata covers of modern songs on Saturday nights at this place I go to.

"You'd love it."

Sakura glanced at him before going back to reading.

"Hmm,"

"If you're not doing anything, I could take you tonight."

Sakura stared at him openly this time.

"It's okay. You're probably busy." His eyes were downcast and his lips shy of a pout. He couldn't have found a better way to make her relent. Sakura sighed.

"Where is this place?"

*.*

Sakura wore a maroon sweater with jeans and boots. She opted to wear her hair open, seeing as she was already late. 'Ebony and Ivory' was a restaurant and bar where the owners liked to make an appearance sharp eight o' clock. It was already a quarter to eight and even though it wasn't far from where she stayed, Sakura was scared she might be late.

Sakura refused to go with Syaoran, for obvious reasons, and made them clear to the boy. If one of her friends or family saw her now they'd be so glad she was just making it out into the world on a Saturday night. She rushed down the street, through the traffic and the crowds and stood behind the line before hearing a voice call out her name.

"Sakura!"

She looked ahead of the line to find Syaoran waving her over to the front of the line. He held her hand and walked them into the restaurant.

"Have you made reservations, sir?"

"Li, Syaoran."

So that was his last name.

"Right this way, sir, ma'am,"

Sakura noticed the casual tables with candles on them, the decor of the place rather different from any other place she'd been to.

"Good evening. What would you like to start with?" a waiter asked them. The spotlight was then switched to two men on a small stage not far from them, one on the piano and another on the cello. Sakura didn't hear what Syaoran ordered. The music had begun.

Haunting, as though the music stood for everything Sakura had been through all her life, and meaningful, like the Bible itself, was the music Syaoran insisted Sakura would love. And indeed, she did love it. Her eyes were only focused on the men as they played, enjoying themselves as was Sakura.

"They call themselves Piano Guys," Syaoran said as they applauded once the song ended. Sakura smiled at him. It was probably her first real smile at him, but Sakura didn't know that.

"Thank you, I love them."

They listened to the music for well over two hours before parting ways at Sakura's apartment and after splitting the bill two ways.

"Thanks," Syaoran started, "Again. For everything."

"I told you, it wasn't a problem." Sakura reminded before entering her apartment building. The look of content never left her face.

Syaoran had found her weakness.

_Well you built up a world of magic_  
_Because your real life is tragic_

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Want to discuss this story? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

They exist, ThePainoGuys, and the song they played is called 'The Bourne Vivaldi'. Link to the video is on my profile. If you haven't heard them already, you must!

**TEASER** for chapter iv. of _Tattooed_ on profile.

Read and Review.


	5. iv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **_To:_ my every chapter reviewers, deadflo, petiteTRINH and xXBlossomofShadowsXx, I love you guys. Fashion Fairy 26 and amelancholicangel were two new reviewers this time around. Thank you, all of you! I'm up all night writing out this story, it's done till chapter 10. Oh, and it's got 25 chapters so far. So I hope you're all sticking around till then. -smile-

This previous had the maximum reviews of all, 5 reviews! Woo! I know everything's been cute and wonderful so far, but I hope you remember what this story's really about. There won't be a warning when the gory chapters come along, even if they aren't all that creepy gory.

The power of No is strong, strong enough to refuse drugs. So, do it. Use the power. Say No!

**Disclaimer: **After some time you run out of innovative ways to say 'Not Mine'. Lol

* * *

**iv.**

_Let's waste time_

_Chasing cars_

_Around our heads_

_I need your grace_

_To remind me_

_To find my own_

**- Chasing Cars/Snow Patrol**

Sakura felt like life had taken a blissful turn after the night at 'Ebony and Ivory'. She'd downloaded their album at Amazon and it was all she listened to for a week straight. So many different covers, so many types of genres covered... it made Sakura weep for joy.

When Tomoyo came over, Sakura felt lighter than ever. When the best friend pointed it out, Sakura laughed.

"I do feel good. You know why? It's this new album I've found." Sakura said, going to the couch to show her the CD case. Tomoyo took the case from her hands and looked beyond her shoulders, outside to the balcony across the road.

Tomoyo rushed outside and stood, holding the cool railing while the sun set in the sky. Loud music could be heard from across the street, from where the boy with brown eyes could be seen sketching, sitting on his couch.

"What's this new album called: Syaoran's best works?"

Sakura scowled at her best friend. Drug addict, painter and noise freak extraordinaire sat concentrating on his work while Sakura and Tomoyo stared at him do so.

"You have to admit, he's kinda cute."

"I told you, he's not my type,"

"Not yet, anyway."

Sakura almost told Tomoyo why it wouldn't happen, not today, not ever. That would've been the most spineless thing to do. Tomoyo would never hear about Syaoran's addiction from her.

_Don't tell, please._

Telling someone was the last thing she'd do.

*.*

One night, as though completely ordinary, Syaoran turned up at Sakura's apartment.

"I've got a PS3," he said when she opened the door. Sakura at first raised an eyebrow before relenting. Opening the door, she sniffed the boy and then observed his eyes.

"What's this about?" she asked, eyes still on his. Still white and clean.

"I just—" his eyes reflected the conflict going on within. Sakura didn't need to hear more. "...didn't want to be alone."

She showed him a free socket and suddenly noted how jumpy the boy was. She placed a hand on his shoulder. Syaoran started.

"Hey." Sakura told him before turning him around to face her. Another look into his eyes told her everything.

"How long has it been?" Sakura asked patiently.

"Not since the first time we met,"

"Just sit down, let's play." Sakura told him as she sat on the couch. "So what games do you have?"

"Ever played Tekken?"

"It's been some time since I last played." Sakura told him taking a gamepad into her hand.

"Sounds to me like I've got no contest here then," Syaoran turned on the PS3.

"We'll just see about that,"

Two characters came onto the screen and Syaoran fought her, beating her in the first round. Rapidly pressing any button possible, Sakura beat Syaoran in the second round and then the third.

Sakura sat with a triumphant smile on her face.

"So you're one those,"

"Ah?" Sakura yawned while trying to ask what the hell.

"You're a button basher,"

"As in bash all the buttons mindlessly?" Sakura guessed. Syaoran loaded another game.

"Yup," he popped the 'p' at the end.

"The amateur button basher versus Syaoran, ladies and gentlemen, going into game 2."

Syaoran laughed as the two of them fought their characters. Touya had mindlessly got her into playing video games for years now. Every time he was over he forced her into a game or two. Finally it was all worth it. She didn't tell Syaoran. She liked that he thought she was an amateur.

Sakura won again, though the person who'd really won that night was Syaoran.

"Can I spend the night here?" his voice was meek. After obliging in playing as much her eyes allowed, Sakura finally told him how tired she was. Plus she had to get to work the next day.

He sounded embarrassed.

"Sure, let me just get the room ready for you. Do you need PJs?"

After all the usual formalities were sorted through, Syaoran fell asleep as soon as he hit the bed. By the time Sakura was up and ready, he'd already gone.

*.*

Sakura barely ever heard the doorbell through all the music she was always playing. So the next evening when someone knocked on the door, it was a surprise she heard it.

On opening the door she found an envelope left outside on the floor with nothing written on it. She moved inside and opened it.

It was a sketch... of her? Sakura stared at the ball pen ink that outlined the features of that night in the rain when she'd brought Syaoran home for the first time. From the curve of the umbrella she'd been holding, till the pattern of the skirt she'd worn... Syaoran had caught every little detail.

She rushed out to the balcony and saw him standing on his own, looking out at her. Sakura held the sketch in both hands for him to see. Syaoran nodded and twirled his fingers, gesturing for her to turn the paper around.

On the back of the paper, in the smallest handwriting, a 'Thank you' was scribbled.

Sakura sighed before smiling.

This was the first time he'd brought that kind of smile to her lips, the kind that looked like it would lead to sudden tears. Right behind the smile, though, was the ever worried voice of caution. Sakura waved goodbye and left the balcony, closing the doors of the balcony behind her. Syaoran stood there till she couldn't see him anymore.

She carefully placed the portrait back in the envelope and put it into her work bag.

_All that I am_

_All that I ever was_

_Is here in your perfect eyes_

_They're all I can see_

* * *

For those of you who haven't noticed, the lyrics in every chapter can be applied to someone in the chapter. I'll give you a hint, this time it's about Syaoran.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

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**TEASER** for chapter v. of _Tattooed_ on profile.

Read and Review?


	6. v

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **_To:_ petiteTRINH, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Fashion Fairy 26 and amelancholicangel. Thank you for reviewing! I love your reviews. deadflo, we missed you this time!

I'm so excited about updating today!

Remember: Smoking Meth is FAR worse than what I've described down here.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing here is mine, except the story.

* * *

_v._

_In my field of paper flowers  
And candy clouds of lullaby  
I lie inside myself for hours  
And watch my purple sky fly over me_

_-_**Imaginary/Evanescence**

Syaoran felt the high with just the first smoke. Too long, it had been far too long. It had been so long that he wondered why in hell he hadn't done this in weeks? He relaxed his head against the wall and brought the pipe to his mouth once more.

Syaoran had given in, and he just didn't care. Finally his body had stopped craving.

Finally.

The world seemed so much more alive, so much more at peace. Everything was finally at ease. The windows seemed to be jarring with the bass of the music he was playing. How loud was the music? Syaoran tried to concentrate to listen...

For hours he tried to listen to the words, but all he heard was numbing murmurs. He touched the window and placed an ear against it, loving the way it resonated against his skin. How long had it been since he'd smoked? He couldn't be sure. The tingling in his blood had yet to go away, so he knew it wasn't time for another.

Voices called out from the corners, the ceiling, and the floors. Syaoran paid no heed to them. He brought out his sketchbook from under the cushions and began.

Syaoran drew furiously in his sheets of paper before he flung the book across the room, eyeing the wall he was sitting opposite to. He sprang up and went into the room where the paints were kept.

The wall was still there when he got back with paint brush in hand.

Now _there_ was a canvas.

*.*

It had been a few days since Sakura had last heard from Syaoran but she didn't think to worry too much. The kids at college had taken up most of her time as their midterms were due next week. Sakura stayed back most of the time and helped them out with after school sessions.

On impulse, however, on one gloomy mid afternoon, Sakura decided to take a half day and check on Syaoran. She didn't realize she was his keeper now, but since the boy had asked for her help (and not in those many words) she decided to see the job through.

Outside his apartment, she fumbled with the buzzer and calculated silently what his apartment number must be. Truth was, she'd never even bothered to ask. They always spent time, if that was what they were doing, either at her house or elsewhere.

A woman came from the inside, opening the apartment door. Sakura smiled at the stranger and entered without hesitation.

Something was wrong, she could feel it now.

*.*

When the tickle felt weak, another smoke brought him back to oblivion. He was so close to making his masterpiece.

Syaoran then brought his brush to the dark blue and smeared it across the wall once more, making it two coats now. Another coat and the wall would be ready.

Syaoran barely felt his breath as his heart sped up to meet his rush, adrenaline pumping and hair standing on edge.

"Look, it's raining," he told himself as he looked out the window. The dull and dry sunset stared back at him as if mocking. No one was there to tell him otherwise. It was raining, he believed it.

"Paint the rain."

Syaoran felt dizzy. He stood still and wondered where the voice had come from. It was a fantastic idea to paint the rain, though. That way—

He heard the pounding in his brain. It made his ears ache. Behind the curtain of music was another commotion... what was that damned noise? Something told him to check the door... that was probably that ringing in his ears.

Fumbling some to open the door, he hit his elbow against the wood just before opening it.

"_Sakura_!" he exclaimed before bring her off her feet and into his wide arms for a hug.

"You came to see me." He realized, still holding her in his arms. Her eyes were not on him.

"Look at me," he told her as he put her on the floor and stared into her eyes. "You have such green eyes."

"Syaora—"

"And your hands are so soft, like feathers." He brought her hand to his cheek and closed his eyes.

"Syaoran, listen to me."

"Come, you have to see something."

*.*

Sakura knew better than to listen to anything the amber eyed boy was telling her. All of it was another language, as good as gibberish, and it could all be ignored. She focused on him, red eyes, sweating and breathing hard, and how fast he moved away from her to the walls he was painting.

"Oh my—" she brought a hand to her mouth.

"Isn't it stunning? It's raining!" Syaoran told her with a brilliant smile.

Raining?

Sakura took a deep breath before removing her jacket and coat, then after placing her bag on the couch, she spotted a cell phone, pipe and crystals together. Just the sight of it made her heart race. She took a look at Syaoran, back to her while he painted aggressively. With one hand she'd managed to pick up the cell phone, the drug and the pipe and carefully put it away in her bag.

Syaoran was using silver paints now; his fingers brushed the wall proficiently. Sakura watched amazed as the wall before her indeed started to look like rain.

"Come, stand here," he ordered her. Sakura was pulled to stand against the freshly painted wall staining her clothes. Syaoran's eyes reflected the fear in her own.

"Let me trace you."

Sakura knew saying anything else was pointless. She let him bring his fantasy to life.

_Let me stay  
Where the wind will whisper to me  
Where the raindrops  
As they're falling tell a story_

* * *

Should I update today again? :) Let me know.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Want to discuss this story? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter vi. of _Tattooed_ on profile.

Read and Review?


	7. vi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** SweetSeductionCherryB, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Fashion Fairy 26, I can't thank you enough.

_Care_ and _bubbles123321_, thank you for reviewing! I would've personally thanked you but you left your reviews as guest!

_ Care_ actually got me to cave. This quicker update's all thanks to them. I might even do two a day, who knows? :) Two a day... :D

I'm writing a delicate part of the story and I'm wondering if you think the pace of the story is believable... 'cause it's gonna be slow. So slow is the burn of the fumes and the end of their pains in flesh before they finally melt in heat. Slow, that's our motto. But it'll get there... wherever that is.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing mine.

* * *

_vi._

_There is no difference in what we're doing in here_

_That doesn't show up as bigger symptoms out there_

_So why spend all our time in dressing our bandages_

_When we've the ultimate key to the cause right here_

_Our underneath_

- **Underneath/Alanis Morissette**

Sakura felt herself trembling at the sensation of his wet fingers against her sides, her hips, her bare legs. He then brought his hands to the sides of her face, his eyes on hers, and gently played with her hair, then outlined her ears, her neck and shoulders.

Very, very slowly, paying close attention to her face, he grazed the sides of her breasts and let go.

"Over?" she asked as he pushed into her body. He didn't say anything. Their breaths, hot and sweet, mingled as he placed his forehead on hers. Before Sakura told him to, he pushed away and took three feeble steps back.

"You are so pretty, Sakura."

"Thanks," she told him before moving ahead and collecting him in her arms to give him a hug, trying her best to calm him down. He didn't let her.

"You were so pretty in the rain." he stated before pushing away to face the wall once again, this time dipping his hands into something creamy... like butter, like the colour of her coat.

"Are you painting me?"

Syaoran didn't reply.

Sakura watched his frantic movement across the wall which was splattered with different shades of colours. She gave up, sat on the couch and simply watched. There was no use trying to stop him. Eventually, he'd give out on his own.

And so that was what she did for hours. She watched Syaoran Li paint.

_T_

Sakura felt something wet against her cheek, startling her awake. The dark made her scream in horror before gentle hushing became a hug.

"It's okay," Syaoran whispered. Sakura's chest heaved as she pushed away and stood.

"Syaoran?"

"Yeah,"

"Turn on a light please."

The boy obliged her with a small lamp overlooking the couch. At least it wasn't complete darkness.

"What time –oh."

"Yeah,"

Outside the streets were sullen and quiet, as though no one had ever walked the streets before, as though no one ever would.

"It's beautiful, Syaoran."

Syaoran didn't respond.

A girl stood with her back turned on the wall now, with long auburn hair cascading across a cream coloured coat, umbrella protecting her from the silver drops of rain. It really was beautiful... and it was supposed to be her. How long had she been asleep? When did she fall asleep?

"Have you seen my pipe?"

"Syaoran—"

"Sakura, I can't find my pipe!"

Maybe it had been six or seven hours? How long had she been watching him paint?

"Okay," she placed a hand on his cheek. "We'll find your pipe. First, let's drink some water?" Sakura asked. Syaoran nodded mutely.

A drink of water and two (forced) bites of bread later, Sakura explored his kitchen and found only oatmeal and cornflakes.

"Here," she gave him a bowl. "Eat."

"I'm not hungry,"

"Try eating a little,"

Just one sip of the milk and cornflakes had the boy hurling out everything in his stomach over the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry," he whispered to her before going to the sink and plucking out leaves of tissue paper.

"Let me do that," Sakura told him gently. "Go have a bath."

"But—"

"Go," she said, a little sterner this time. The boy obeyed.

Sakura sighed as she wiped the counter clean and threw away the cornflakes and milk. With a filled bottle of water she entered the corridor opposite the 'wall' and made to the left. Three rooms later she found him on the bed, completely naked save for a towel. The smell suggested that the bath had been taken, thank God.

She searched his closet and found underwear and shorts. That would be enough. Without looking, she pushed him onto his back and pushed the undergarment on first, and then the shorts went up his thighs next. Her eyes opened then.

After pushing him gently to the middle of the large bed she placed the covers over him.

She went around cleaning his room, checking for meth, observing the personally painted walls with portraits of various people in his life she guessed. There were five women huddled together on a picnic blanket on one wall. There was a painting of a man's face turned to the side on another. At the bottom of said wall Sakura found a beautiful woman with long black hair glancing over her shoulder.

She stood and looked at Syaoran doze with his mouth now open. Was he having trouble breathing through his nose? Sakura didn't want to disturb him.

Back in the living room she cleaned up what little mess Syaoran left to be cleaned. The painting on his wall was for everyone to see now, like an elephant in the room.

_You were so pretty in the rain._

Sakura opened her bag and found his phone vibrating. She decided to take the call.

"_Xiao Lang?"_ a female voice came from the other end. _"Hello?"_

"He can't come to the phone right now," Sakura answered unsurely.

"_Who's this?"_

"I'm... his neighbour."

"_What's wrong with him? Is he okay?"_

Sakura moved to the bathroom and flushed the plastic packet of crystals. While cleaning the pipe she thought of how to respond.

"He's fine for now, but I think he needs you,"

"_Really?"_

"Are you family?"

"_I'm his cousin,"_

"Then really, he could use your help."

The girl didn't say anything. Sakura carefully took out the envelope, eyeing it sadly. While the portrait was priceless, it wasn't worth anything from the Syaoran she'd witnessed barely five minutes ago. On his bedroom study table she placed the pipe on the envelope. It was while leaving the apartment that the girl finally spoke.

"_I'll be there."_

_Look at us turn away from all the rough spots_

* * *

See you in less than nine hours.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Want to discuss this story? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter vii. of _Tattooed_ on profile.

Read and Review?


	8. vii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Care, petiteTRINH, amelancholicangel: I'm so surprised at the attention this story is getting. It's been on mind for six years now, and while this is only a rewritten version of the original, I can still feel the way I felt when I realized how much one associated with a drug addict goes through. It is a long, long journey into nothing, a job that doesn't pay, a thankless relationship. I really hope that at the end of this story you sit down and feel the gravity of the message I'm trying to pass around. I hope you feel what I felt. I hope the words stay with you long after this story's done and gone.

I love updating, and I love your reviews. Thank you, everyone, for adding me to your favourites list, following me, reviewing and reading! It makes my days worth it.

Here's the next chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing mine.

* * *

_vii._

_Waking up in the dark_

_I can feel you in my sleep_

_In your arms, I feel you breathe into me_

_- _**Awake and Alive/Skillet**

Sakura tried to have as normal a day as possible.

She taught her kids, wished them the best for their exams.

She asked Tomoyo to stay with her for that week. There wasn't an explanation why.

She kept the balcony door shut at all times, no exceptions. Windows would suffice for ventilation.

Basically, Sakura was the one who crawled into a hole, waiting for something to happen.

All week long she avoided anything and everything to do with Syaoran. It usually started with thinking about him and ended at the temptation of peeking out the balcony, just once.

"All you need is some bars and vertical stripes on your t-shirt," Tomoyo said as she came home that night after work.

"You're late." Sakura observed. It was well over eleven in the night.

"And you need a jailbreak, seriously."

Tomoyo went into the guest room and fell onto the bed. Sakura heard the familiar flop on the mattress; she wasn't listening to music, not anymore anyway.

The next day arrived and everything seemed to take place as on routine. It was the seventh day in a row that she refused to worry over Syaoran Li or Xiao Lang... Or whatever the hell his name was.

At school the children filed into the classroom one by one before the final bell had rung. She picked up the board marker and wrote on the whiteboard.

She couldn't help it though. Silently, she worried if Syaoran had taken again.

*.*

Mei Ling had arrived three days after Syaoran had taken, surprising Syaoran more than anything else. They exchanged pleasantries, got Mei Ling settled into her room as Syaoran questioned her on how long she intends to stay.

"I've got quite a few projects lined up in Glasgow... so maybe around six months?" Mei Ling said. Syaoran narrowed his eyes at her.

"Why are you here, Mei?"

Mei Ling didn't answer the question.

Days passed by without event as Syaoran attended his classes and went back home monotonously, without much else to do. He avoided thinking about the incident as much as possible. Most of his energy went into painting and sketching now.

One evening, many days after Mei Ling arrived, Syaoran decided to lounge in the living room and watch some TV.

"So, that's new." Mei Ling stated after muting the television. Syaoran looked up at Mei Ling scrutinizing the wall painting in quickly diminishing sunlight. He switched on the lamp and sat on the couch with a cup of coffee.

_Turn on a light please._

Syaoran jerked involuntarily, spilling some coffee on his pants. Mei Ling didn't seem to notice.

"Where's the girl?" she asked without turning around.

"What girl?" He rubbed his pants with some tissue, abandoning his coffee.

"The girl I spoke to on the phone,"

Syaoran's eyes widened. Sakura spoke to Mei Ling?

"That's why you're here." He understood now.

"Don't be stupid, I'm here because I wanted to see you." Mei Ling told him as she moved to sit with him on the couch.

"Wanting to see me allowed you to invite yourself here then?"

"Of course, you're my favourite brother."

"I'm your _cousin_ brother."

Mei Ling waved a hand as if to say there was no real difference. There wasn't, actually. They were as good as siblings and Syaoran knew that much. After his own sisters, Mei Ling was the one person he knew he could count on.

"She's got one hell of an ass," Mei Ling commented while looking at the wall again. Syaoran groaned.

"Must you put it like that?"

"Maybe if you told me what it is supposed to be put like, then I'd put it like that."

What was it supposed to be? Syaoran looked at his painting and shrugged. It was Sakura in the rain... he knew that much.

"Anyway, where's she?"

"I don't know," Syaoran told her honestly.

"I thought you were neighbours."

The envelope she'd left behind was safely hidden in his sock drawer along with the pipe. She'd flushed the meth, he was sure of it. Syaoran looked to the balcony across, the doors shut and the message loud and clear. He scratched an itch on his wrist.

"I don't think it matters."

"What'd you do?"

Syaoran didn't even bother deflecting the question. It was obvious this was his fault... somehow.

"How does it matter, she's not even important."

Mei Ling stood up and walked away, casually saying the next few words.

"Funny, your wall painting says otherwise."

*.*

Tomoyo had left the next week. She needed to get some work done in the studio and all this travelling around had tired her out and put her behind. Sakura understood that, even if she didn't agree with it.

She sat quietly at her dining table, eating dinner and working on the English midterm grading. While some papers had managed to catch her attention, her mind still strayed, eyes still glancing at the closed balcony doors once in a while.

She sighed and stood to play some music. A glass of wine helped calm her enough to fall asleep on the couch. Her last thoughts before sleep were of grading papers, missing her best friend and soothing cello music.

Her dreams, though, were a completely different story.

"Why are you here?" she asked him in another reality as they lay together on the moist grass under a starry sky.

"The same reason you are."

"Why do you keep following me?" she asked. Syaoran leaned over her now, his lips near her ears.

"Maybe you want me to,"

"I can't change you, can I?" she asked with sad eyes.

"Nobody can, sweetheart."

Sakura woke with a start and huddled on the couch, gasping and panting. Tears burst out in loud sobs as she cried and cried till the pain in her heart lessened. Tears that started small and easy had now turned hot and uncomfortably numbing.

_Nobody can, sweetheart._

Would he never leave her alone? She cried harder thinking of his words.

_Nobody can, sweetheart._

It would never change.

_Sweetheart_...

No matter the flicker of hope that raged on, she knew deep within that he would never change.

_I'm awake, I'm alive_  
_Now I know what I believe inside_

* * *

Not so strong, are you, Sakura?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you.


	9. viii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, FashionFairy26, petiteTRINH, deadflo, thank you. :) My old group of ladies have reviewed, you've made my day! You know how I feel.

I've got a disaster of a party my mum's organizing and she wants me to serve. :O If I survive, I'll update again today, so keep an eye out.

**Disclaimer: **Nothing mine.

* * *

_viii._

_Careless, helpless little man_  
_Someday you might understand_  
_There's not much more to say_  
_But I hope you find a way_

**- Left outside alone/Anastasia**

Sakura took a day off the next day.

Even the receptionist was surprised when she called in sick.

For a change she spent the morning lying in bed while watching her favourite sitcoms. Some of the jokes were funny even though they were reruns. She ate breakfast in bed, toast and butter, while scrolling down Facebook friend requests she'd got in the recent past. She ignored them all and simply sat watching TV.

Quickly, before she could stop herself, she searched for Syaoran Li.

No results.

She then searched for Xiao Lang Li.

No results.

She shut down her laptop and enjoyed the rest of the morning in solitude.

*.*

Afternoon came and Sakura found herself on a ledge on the rooftop with her kites. Farther and farther it flew with the wind, away from trouble, away from home. Sakura always wondered if kites had a life of their own. If they were let free, would they go where they wanted?

Or would they fall to the ground?

A simple red and blue kite sat next to her on the rooftop while a bright yellow one in the shape of a dragon flew across the sullen blue skies. It was the most relaxing thing, to take breaths with the wind that gave her kite flight.

"You fly kites?"

She almost turned around. She didn't have to. The boy came and sat next to her on the ledge, picking up the other kite.

"I saw the kite from my balcony... didn't think it was you."

"Hmm,"

He fingered the edges of the kite with his fingers while looking up at the kite in the sky.

"You're multitalented, aren't you?" Syaoran praised.

Sakura only looked at him at that.

"It's just kite flying," Sakura reminded.

"Not many people even know what a kite looks like."

Sakura felt herself get irritated at that. Was he trying to butter her up now?

"You're pissed at me." He told her. Sakura wanted to scoff at him.

"I don't know you enough to be _pissed_ at you." She told him. "You're my next door neighbour, that's all." You're nobody, she wanted to add. She wasn't heartless. Even hearing it from someone you barely knew was hurtful. She knew that.

Syaoran placed a hand on hers, wielding the thread out of her hands and taking control of the kite in the air. He stood up and walked to the edge of the roof, leading the kite further away with him. Not very far from an unassuming Sakura who looked as undisturbed as the weather.

"Didn't go into work?" Syaoran asked. Small talk... that was easy enough.

"I called in sick."

"You don't look sick." He observed. Sakura half laughed, half snorted. The drug addict was drawing speculations on her. How funny.

Sakura didn't bother answering.

"So... my cousin's here."

"Oh," Sakura said. That was interesting.

"Yeah, she said you two spoke." Syaoran turned around to look at her. "What'd you talk about?"

"I just told her you needed her." Sakura told him truthfully.

"I don't need anybody." Syaoran told her while wringing the thread around the railing. He walked back and sat next to her.

"It didn't look that way when I saw you last," she said without looking at him.

"Sakura,"

Hearing her name made her look at him. Something... was different about the way he said her name. It irked something in her.

"I'm not an addict."

Sakura smiled at that. The laughing came mere seconds later.

"That's the funniest thing I've heard all day." She told him between laughs.

"I'm not kidding."

Sakura stopped laughing and took a look at his face. He looked hurt, and ticked off. It made her smile. He believed what he said. She shrugged.

"It's none of my business." Sakura affirmed. "What you do and who you are is your business."

Silently, he agreed with what she'd said. They watched the kite rise further and further, the thread attached at the railing tugging to get away.

"...about the painting on the wall..." Syaoran started while playing with his fingers. Sakura cocked her head to the side.

"Were you there the whole time?" he asked. She nodded. She watched him swallow.

"I didn't do something stupid, did I?"

_Sakura felt herself trembling_

"You don't remember?" she asked curiously. He remembered the first night well enough.

"Usually I do..."

_... Gently played with her hair_

"I remember some things. I remember painting... you." He flushed. "I'm sorry if I scared you."

_... He grazed the sides of her breasts._

"You didn't." She lied. It had been terrifying.

"I would never hurt you, high or not." Syaoran told her with a firm look in his eye. Sakura only nodded. It was too intense to even maintain eye contact.

"Mei Ling doesn't know." Syaoran told her then.

Sakura nodded again. Mei Ling must be the cousin.

"I don't want her to know."

"If it were me, I wouldn't want anyone to know." Sakura told him as she went to unwind the thread from the roof railing.

"You're leaving?" he stood as she walked past him.

Syaoran shouldn't be so needy, not around her at least. Any other girl would've fallen easily for those charms.

"I've got papers to grade,"

Maybe in another world, in another time, Sakura would have fallen for the boy next door with big brown eyes hidden under unruly brown hair. Not anymore, though. She wasn't immune to his attention, but she wasn't stupid.

She would do everything in her power so as to not make the same mistake again.

_And I wonder if you know_

_How it really feels_

_to be left outside alone_

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter ix. on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	10. ix

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, FashionFairy26, petiteTRINH, deadflo, my ladies you make me so very happy. *big wide grin* I sit on my comp jumping in my favourite chair waiting for your wonderful words. I'm a little high on chocolate milk right now.

This chapter was actually cut into two parts, this and the next. I'll be updating again sometime today.

**Disclaimer: **Syaoran and I bonded over some addictive substances and had a great night together doing literary things, and still he is NOT mine.

* * *

_ix._

_Doesn't matter when,_

_Doesn't matter where_

**- Good Time/Owl City feat. Carly Rae Jepsen**

A loud hammering woke Sakura early on a weekend. It probably wasn't even six o' clock in the morning. She groaned as she sat up in bed and heard the main door open. Hushed voices could be heard all the way to her bedroom. So tempting was the act of just lying back to fall asleep. She stood, wore a robe and took the painful walk to the main door.

"It's you," a girl with jet black long hair told her, pointing in her direction, now walking towards her. Sakura frowned, barely having made it outside her bedroom. Where had she seen her before? She wasn't— on Syaoran's wall...

"Who are you?" Sakura asked irritably.

"Uh, Sakura," Syaoran was heard in the background, standing way behind Tomoyo. "Good morning?"

She'd never wanted to physically hurt someone as badly as she did him.

"Hi, Mei Ling," Sakura remembered her name. "Isn't it a bit too early for introductions?"

Mei Ling only looked at her, though, without saying anything. Sakura tied her robe tighter.

"I'll make some coffee," Tomoyo said as she yawned.

"Decaf for me," Mei Ling told Tomoyo without looking back. Syaoran had given up and gone to help Tomoyo.

Mei Ling had yet to stop staring at her... only, it wasn't staring. It was like Mei Ling was looking through her, delving in depths that Sakura herself had yet to discover. It unnerved her. Mei Ling unnerved her.

"Did you see the painting on the wall?" she asked Sakura finally. Sakura nodded slowly.

"Good. You should know he doesn't paint just anyone on his walls." Mei Ling told her before turning around and hopping to the kitchen.

What the fuck?

*.*

Four cups of coffee (one decaf) later, the four of them settled in the living room to watch some TV on mute while discussing things of no real consequence. A plate of biscuits sat on the table, untouched. Sakura yawned so many times in between that flies could have gone in and made nests there. It wasn't that she was bored; on the contrary she was dying to know the cousin who threw around statements that sounded a lot like threats in her opinion.

"So, Mei Ling, what do you do?" Tomoyo asked her as she broke a biscuit and popped it into her mouth.

"I'm a model for Peak,"

"Shut up! You're Mei Ling Rae Li from Hong Kong's Peak?"

"The one and only," Mei Ling said looking smug. Tomoyo had a moment which Sakura could only categorize as groupie behaviour. Syaoran seemed to be looking at the two the same way.

"Oh my God, Sakura, I'm supposed to be working with her for the 'Fall Shoot' this month! Isn't this fantastic?"

"Apparently," Syaoran muttered. Mei Ling smacked his thigh. Syaoran yelped in pain.

"Must you be so violent?" he asked his cousin, clearly in pain.

"You were being a jerk."

Tomoyo then pulled Mei Ling into a series of questions, completely fashion related, while Sakura sat with her legs under her, trying her best to stay awake.

"You might as well go to sleep." Syaoran told her quietly. "These two look like they're just getting started."

Sakura almost stood when Mei Ling's loud voice made it to her.

"Hey! Where do you think you're going?" she asked Sakura. Sakura shrank back into her seat. It was like being in school again, getting caught for drinking water without permission.

"We're going shopping!" Tomoyo exclaimed. At that, Sakura's mood lightened a little.

"I haven't been shopping in months." She told the two girls. Mei Ling nodded enthusiastically.

"Perfect! We leave in an hour. Xiao Lang and I'll get dressed." She said, standing up. Syaoran groaned as he stood.

"Why were you up so early in the morning anyway?" Tomoyo asked.

"Oh, we ran and then practiced our Kung Fu." Mei Ling said, making a pose.

"You can Kung Fu! Sakura, isn't that great?"

Sakura and Syaoran had their faces in their hands.

"One hour!"

It would be a short and quiet one hour.

*.*

Tomoyo and Mei Ling literally Sakura's ass into the tightest jeans possible, not to mention the smallest of dresses, when they'd entered their first store.

A particularly racy green dress caught Mei Ling's eye. On impulse, she pushed Sakura in front of Syaoran to ask how the girl looked.

"Uh, you look nice."

Sakura turned away, red with humiliation.

"Mei Ling!" she exclaimed as she went back to the changing room. Many stared on the walk back. Sakura pretended they were as naked as she was.

"You're pretty hot for a teacher," Mei Ling told her when she came out in a knee length (Thank God!) white dress. "Got all the boys sending you love letters, I'll bet?"

"Ha, Sakura and love letters," Tomoyo told Mei Ling as she zipped up a mini skirt. "That'll be the day."

"Come on, kids dig that whole hot teacher thing." Mei Ling stated.

"Hot teachers, yes, not the teachers who dress up like nuns."

Thanks to that, Sakura even had a change of work clothing. Completely different from what she usually wore, but respectable enough, the clothes were paid for and packed away.

_We don't even have try,_

_It's always a good time_

* * *

My sister just failed in a math exam. How do you console a sixteen year old about marks?

Next update coming sooner than others.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter x. on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	11. x

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** Guest, teru21 are my new readers! Welcome, and I hope you stay with me all the way! I love you guys already!

petiteTRINH, deadflo: *big kiss*

This is the second part of their day out, as promised. You've all managed to make me a review addict. I love your reviews, so very much. The best part of my day.

**Disclaimer: **Mei Ling tells me she will never be mine, that sexy chick, no matter what.

* * *

_x_.

_Then she aimed at my chest with love in her eye_

_I said, she aimed for my chest with love in her eye_

**- Bang Bang/K-Naan feat. Adam Levine**

After a lunch at a cafe nearby, the four of them walked back home, not ready to say goodbye just yet... Tomoyo and the others discussed how they couldn't meet the next day as Tomoyo had a photo shoot the next day, and Mei Ling was meeting a friend.

"Why don't we spend the evening together?" Tomoyo asked Mei Ling.

Syaoran occasionally let his eyes drift to Sakura, only to get caught by Mei Ling's knowing smirk every time.

"Let's go to that place with the musicians, Xiao Lang!"

"Ebony and Ivory?" Sakura and Syaoran said together and then looked at each other.

"You've been there?" Tomoyo asked.

"Uh, yeah, Syaoran took me."

Mei Ling wore a grin that even the Cheshire cat couldn't beat.

"We'll go there then," Mei Ling said. "Tomoyo, dress Sakura up. We meet in three hours!" Mei Ling's eyes met Syaoran's.

Oh boy was he in trouble.

*.*

It didn't matter how many times he looked at her sitting next to him while enjoying the music, it still felt like he was looking at her for the first time.

The strapless midnight blue dress allowed him to see more than he usually could and made him want to scream in agony. Why? Why now, why her?

Song after song, bite after bite his eyes automatically went to her to see what she was doing, what she was eating, as he listened intently to what she was saying. So when she excused herself to go to the restroom, Syaoran didn't bother with secret glances. He sat staring after her as she left. He stared at the spot he'd seen her last for hours, it seemed.

"Where're Tomoyo and Mei Ling?" she asked when she was back. This time when she sat next to him their legs touched briefly, sending a shudder down Syaoran's back.

"I don't know," he told her while trying his best to sound neutral. The last song began and the two of them sat in silence, Sakura watched them and he watched her. He hadn't even realized... when did he start feeling so strongly about her? He'd only known her for a few months now.

Was it that they'd come out together for an intimate dinner? No, Syaoran had been out with her before. He'd been in her house with her before, and he'd never felt like this. That dress, her hair up... made him want to—

"I'll get the bill, why don't you go see where your cousin and Tomoyo are?" she suggested as she gestured for the waiter. As much as he hated leaving her and letting her pay for her dinner, he went to check for the two of them. Lord knows how much trouble they could make out there together.

During his search he realized not once did he think about getting high that day. He smiled; suddenly proud of himself... he didn't even feel like it now. If he could keep this up then living with Mei Ling wouldn't be too difficult.

He went outside the restaurant and made to turn left, and found two girls ways ahead of him. Only, they weren't... dear holy mother Earth.

Syaoran turned around, only to be face to face with Sakura.

"Did you find them?" she asked curiously.

"Uh,"

"Oh, I think I see Mei –" Sakura stopped short. Syaoran looked at what she'd been seeing; the two girls caught up in a frantic kiss that made his insides tighten.

"Oh,"

"Yeah,"

"I didn't realize Mei Ling was—"

"Yeah,"

"I didn't even realize Tomoyo was..."

"It happens to the best of us."

Sakura and Syaoran stood awkwardly, facing each other, trying to avoid the kiss they'd both just seen. He eyed Sakura's lips.

"Did you know?" Sakura asked him. He observed how her lips moved as she spoke.

"I didn't, but I knew about Mei Ling." He told her, now observing how she was shivering. "Are you cold?"

"A little,"

Syaoran sighed as he shrugged off his coat. That flimsy shrug and cardigan weren't enough to keep her warm. Tomoyo and Mei Ling certainly knew how to get the job half done.

"Here,"

"But..."

"I've still got my jacket on." Syaoran told her and put the coat on Sakura before stepping away, suddenly afraid of how good her skin felt against his fingertips. This wasn't good.

"Wow, they're really going at it." Sakura said as Syaoran looked at her. She looked up at him then. Her eyes had him mesmerized.

"You look beautiful today, did I tell you that?" he asked her instead whilst playing with a lock of hair that strayed from her bun.

"Um, you didn't. Thank you." She looked away, revealing the length of her neck. Syaoran couldn't take anymore.

"Mei Ling!" he screamed from his place, Sakura moved behind him. "Isn't that enough PDA for one night?"

Sakura giggled, which made him smile at first, and then groan. Even her giggling sounded irresistible.

"Alright, alright, let's go, you party pooper. No need to get your panties in a twist!"

Tomoyo and Sakura walked ahead in silence while Syaoran tried to look at anything but Sakura.

"See you guys," Tomoyo said with a hug for Syaoran and a kiss (make that kisses) for Mei Ling. Sakura patted his back and smiled at Mei Ling.

"I'll return your coat the next time I see you." She told him before entering her apartment. Both cousins stood in a daze before going home.

"She's wearing your coat," Mei Ling stated. Syaoran ignored her. She continued. "That's gonna have her scent all over it."

Syaoran groaned.

"Do you exist just to torture me?"

Mei Ling grinned and placed a kiss to his cheek, bidding him a good sleep. All he could think about was Sakura, her smile as she left him...

As if there'd be any sleep now.

_She shot me, she shot me, bang, bang, she shot me_

* * *

**Me: Ain't love the sweetest, eh Syaoran?**

**Syaoran: Sweeter than the highest of highs.**

I love you guys. Updates bright and early tomorrow, unless you want more? *sneaky grin*

Sakura's dress is on the profile under chapter 9. Check it out! Isn't she the hottest?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter xi. on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	12. xi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** Fashion Fairy 26, teru21, Randomsam123, petiteTRINH, deadflo, xXBlossomofShadowsXx: We've reached an all time high of six reviews per chapter for the previous! Thank you guys, so much! As I said, this still remains the best part of my day.

A little into the mind of Syaoran Li today. I know, but it's gotta be done. More in the next update... which will be today. :)

**Disclaimer: **Yue wants to be in this story, but I told him no. He pouted. I told him to give himself over to me, then we'll talk. He flew off, that ass, with the rights to him. :|

* * *

_xi_.

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_  
_With a broken heart that's still beating_

**- Broken/Lifehouse**

It was in the first year of college when he was fresh out of new ideas and creative mind that a friend of his, namely John, told him about the wonders of getting high. John had been right. The high had been unbelievable, at the time from something as simple as weed, and had given him the kick in the direction of a much needed idea to get the credits required for passing the semester.

He'd barely made it.

A few times of taking weed led him to taking coke once, which was great and tasted pretty decent. The high was much stronger this time, much... higher? That was one way of putting it. Six months into it, though, and he found it wasn't appealing. That was when he'd stumbled on crystal meth.

It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. His mind usually left and let the meth take control. The smell, the fumes, the high... it was all so captivating. Syaoran never stood a chance.

The stuff was expensive, and extremely hard to come by, but college was the place for these things so at the end, it came to him. Plus it wasn't like he was always smoking, just when he needed a little creativity. Or so he told himself.

A year of meth, on and off... led him to the day with Sakura in the rain.

Syaoran shuddered thinking about it. He'd had a bad day and he'd by chance found the drug and taken a bit, just to satisfy the gnawing need to have it in him. It was like bliss, Syaoran could remember, the first few moments with the fumes in his mouth. He could remember the taste, sickly and metallic in his mouth that led to the high. It made him yearn for it just thinking about it.

In his last semester at the GSA, Syaoran was required to complete his course in painting with Mr. Christopher Martin, a professor of art who'd begun to slowly get onto Syaoran's nerves. With painting he had to complete an elective which he chose as sketching. It wasn't too hard, pretty simple to do if it was landscapes and the like. While he didn't mind sketching and thanked God he didn't bother taking it up before as an elective, his love for painting was absolute. Nothing could change that.

So why, suddenly, did he want the meth even when he had enough to keep him painting? His hands trembled as he stroked the canvas. His eyes watered unusually as his body felt like it was burning up. Maybe he was falling sick.

"Let's take a look, shall we?" Mr. Martin told him while he stood next to his stool. Syaoran let his hands drop from the canvas and put the brush in a mug of water.

"Hmm," he speculated. "Keep it up."

In other words: mediocre.

Syaoran took a look at the painting. He knew he was drawing off of the day in the rain more than he should but he couldn't help it now. The rain, Sakura... the day they met was all he could think about nowadays. God, it was like some silly teenage crush. She didn't even think of him that way.

"I love the rain," Eriol said as he looked into the painting. "You've done an amazing job, with the reflecting colours, the building... who's the girl?" he asked, pointing at the girl who stood far, far away from any person looking into the painting. Syaoran was surprised Eriol even noticed.

"Someone I know," was all he offered.

"Sounds like you've finally found a muse."

"I don't think she's a muse." Syaoran corrected him. The things his friends had told him about muses were far more complex from what he felt about Sakura. She was just someone... someone...

"Well, this is some of your best work. You've got to put it up for the Exhibit selections."

Syaoran nodded. He hadn't even been thinking about that.

"When is it, again?"

"Selections are in two months, Exhibit's in six." Eriol told him while wrapping up his own collage. Syaoran didn't get a good enough look to comment.

"Thanks," he said instead.

Eriol and he walked out of class together, Syaoran with his bag of paints and the clutter.

"My sister was asking about you, by the way. She wanted to see you."

Syaoran spotted John and Rika ahead. "Can't, I'll see you later." He told Eriol brusquely and walked to them.

Damned Nakuru never could keep her mouth shut.

"John, we need to talk."

"What's up?" John tipped his hat.

"Tina wants a date."

"No problem,"

Syaoran went into his bag and brought out his wallet. He handed it to the guy.

"She'll be by your place tonight."

Syaoran nodded, smiled at Rika and was about to walk off.

"What's the rush? Rika and I were just going to meet up with Luke and the gang. Interested?"

For some reason, his mind immediately went to Sakura.

Luke and the gang... meant the three of them. Four, if Syaoran went along. So basically it was going to be the three of them getting high on weed. Coke, if Luke's girlfriend came along. She preferred coke.

Syaoran had a different preference now though. He didn't really feel like going along, but the urge to get any kind of high was just beneath his skin. He hadn't smoked in days now and it already felt like months. Waiting till the evening for the meth didn't make sense, especially since Mei Ling was going to be home.

Maybe he would this time. It wasn't like he liked getting high with the others. He couldn't paint with them around.

"Alright," he said anyway.

To this day Syaoran couldn't tell you why.

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_  
_That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life_

* * *

Sometimes even love isn't enough.

Cristina, Tina, Cris... all slang for meth. It's got its own names, drugs and addiction.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**No teaser today. **Will be updating in a few hours anyway. Watch out for the second update!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	13. xii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** Fashion Fairy 26, teru21, petiteTRINH, xXBlossomofShadowsXx: You know how I feel. *hug*

I'm so overwhelmed by how many of you understood what I was trying to show you. Yes, it is tear worthy. I guess that's how it's gotta be though.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own.

* * *

_xii._

_There's a place that i know_

_it's not pretty there and few have ever gone_

-** Dark Side/Kelly Clarkson**

One day when Sakura's car had broken down she'd decided to take the subway to college. Already an hour late, she'd rushed to stand at the platform and waited.

"Ms. Sakura!"

It was one of Sakura's students.

"Good morning Lillian."

"Good morning, ma'am. Off to school?"

"Yes, that's right."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'll see you later then." She waved and skipped off the platform and onto the tracks. Sakura felt a wave of panic rush through her before seeing that the girl walked on the sides of the tracks... disappearing into the shadows of the tunnel. A minute later, the train passed through and the doors opened. Sakura didn't get in.

The shadows were in clear sight once the train had left.

She followed Lillian.

*.*

"So why have you brought me to these dingy dungeons on a Sunday?" Syaoran asked her as they trekked through the dark and musty smelling tunnels. The sound of a train on its way reverberated through the tunnel a moment later.

"You're trying to get me killed, aren't you?"

Sakura said nothing as she grabbed his hand and took the almost hidden left turn, barely seconds before the train came into view. They'd just missed it.

"We almost died!" Syaoran stated while following Sakura into the old ruins of an unused Subway platform it looked like. Sakura had yet to say anything.

It was a long walk from the entrance of the ruins to where Sakura wanted to go. Truth was she'd been here almost two years ago. The route to the spot was pretty straightforward, just follow the tracks. But was it this far along?

A little ways ahead both Syaoran and Sakura could hear voices. She turned around to look at Syaoran.

"We're almost there." She told him with a grin.

"This better be worth it."

Graffiti of all kinds was on the walls of the subway now, Syaoran making note of it. The lights were getting brighter... that had to mean they were almost there.

"Where are we?"

"We're almost there..."

In front of them were dozens of people just painting or spray painting on the walls, on the platform, basically anywhere and everywhere. Sakura's eye searched for a specific girl, who was currently standing on a ladder painting on the ceiling a strange collage of some sort.

"Lillian!" Sakura cupped her mouth with both hands and screamed. The girl looked down and waved enthusiastically.

"Ms. Sakura!" she climbed down the ladder and flung her brush on the ground before rushing to her.

Syaoran stared at Sakura when she introduced the girl to him.

"This is Lillian Fitz," she told him. "She used to be in my class before deciding she wanted to pursue art as a career."

Syaoran awkwardly shook hands with the girl.

"Lillian will fill you in on everything. I can see George from over here, I think I'll go say hi," she told him and left.

*.*

"Basically all kinds of artists, be it painters, or sculptors, or designers, come here to kind of freak out and get wild." She told him. Syaoran mutely noticed the walls and the ceilings, noticing how there wasn't a speck of gap.

"This is how it is. Don't invade space and don't tattletale," she paused to show him an empty spot on the ceiling and indicated a ladder. "We've got to keep this under lock and key."

Syaoran nodded dumbly before looking back at Sakura talk to a bunch of kids... they were probably ten years old.

"How did Sakura know about this?" he asked Lillian as she let him borrow a brush and some paints.

"She followed me, the minx that teacher is!" Lillian laughed. "How do you know Ms. Sakura?"

Syaoran looked at her at that.

"You're definitely not her student," she pointed out. Syaoran was suddenly lost for words.

"We're neighbours." He offered the easiest explanation.

"Uh huh," Lillian replied before stepping back to look at Syaoran high up on the ladder, now able to touch the ceiling. "Have fun painting."

With Lillian gone Syaoran was forced to look at the ceiling. Truth be told, Syaoran barely ever painted without getting high first... it was how he worked.

A splash of blue and silver flashed in his eyes when he decided to try this sober for a change. He brought the brush to his new canvas and began. He was still in a daze with all of this... and Sakura. God, why did she have to be so damned perfect?

He decided to do something small for his first time and went with bringing the sketch of Sakura in the rain to life.

All the while he was on top of the world.

All the while he wanted to be high.

*.*

Sakura was surprised at how quiet Syaoran was on the way back home. She glanced over to him many times while driving.

"So what did you manage to paint?" Sakura asked. She had to leave to get home and she was Syaoran's ride back, so they'd left three hours later.

"I'll show you next time." Syaoran answered without looking at her. Sakura frowned.

After parking the car the two walked to the street from the basement. Just before saying their goodbyes, Sakura spoke.

"Is something wrong?"

She'd barely managed to finish asking before when Syaoran pulled her into him, his face in her hair. Completely overpowered, she stood on her tiptoes to reach him, hands limp at her sides. She shuddered, just like she had the last week...

Being so close to him was unbearable somehow.

"Thank you," he whispered. Sakura barely registered the words. All she felt was the heat of his breath against her ear. For the first time she noticed how much taller he was than her. For the first time she didn't question if he was high or not and instead focused on his scent, his touch, and his eyes.

Despite all her efforts, she was falling, so badly, so very quickly, for the boy with the beautiful brown eyes.

_Everybody's got a dark side_

_Do you love me?_

_Can you love mine?_

* * *

All talk, huh Sakura?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**Teaser **for chapter xiii. up on profile. Check it out later!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	14. xiii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** Fashion Fairy 26, teru21, petiteTRINH, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, deaflo, amelancholicangel : To all my lovely ladies, this chapter is the first update of the day. I hope you wait eagerly for the next. I'll give you a hint, someone close to our hearts appears next.

If you can, listen to the rock version of 'My Immortal' while you read this. I think that says it all.

**Disclaimer: **I love them all, and yet they're all not mine.

* * *

_xiii._

_I'm so tired of being here_  
_Suppressed by all my childish fears_  
_And if you have to leave_  
_I wish that you would just leave_  
_'Cause your presence still lingers here_  
_And it won't leave me alone_

-** My Immortal/Evanescence**

For days Syaoran could feel Sakura's hair on his fingertips, the brush of her ear against his lips, the softness of her skin against his clothed shoulders... she'd felt so...

Each time he was high he couldn't paint because she invaded his memory completely. He barely thought about picking up a brush as much as he thought of her lips... soft and pink. Would they feel as good as they looked?

Just the thought set his soul on fire, as though he knew from deep within that it would never happen.

"Why?" he asked himself as he faced her closed balcony. "Why... are you so damned perfect?"

Because she wasn't him, that's why.

Syaoran was sure, without even being told, that Sakura had probably never in her life had the taste of a nasty drug in her mouth, let alone having ever been high. He could make out by the chin she held so high and the posture of pride she walked with. Sakura was happy with herself... and she should be. She was perfect, after all.

Even being high didn't stop that from making him feel miserable. All this money, all this talent... and he would never be good enough for her.

He stood up and dialled her number. He knew it was useless, but tried anyway.

"_Hello, you've dialled 0044392810029. Please leave a message."_

Syaoran hung up. He'd made this call millions of times before, and had been rejected millions of times already.

He took in a long drag and let the fumes out slowly. He didn't want to think about it, he didn't even want to remember. Today, that's how high he would be.

"What if Sakura comes by?"

Syaoran picked up a brush and spoke to himself.

"She knows... I can stop. I can stop." He should've stopped. "I can."

But he didn't.

*.*

"Your work this semester is somehow... lacking, if I can call it that." Mr. Martin told him as they walked out of class the next. Syaoran felt on edge, like his blood was boiling him from within. He could feel the ever present need to itch. He felt like he could die. He could barely hear Mr. Martin speaking.

"Mr. Syaoran?" the man asked him.

"Hmm?"

"I said if this is how things progress then I cannot submit your work in for the Exhibit's selection."

They both came to a stop at the courtyard. Syaoran wanted to say something but it was difficult to speak. He nodded.

"I hope you show me something worth my time in the next class."

Syaoran clenched his fists and felt himself gritting his teeth.

One thing... he was good at one thing. This was his thing. This was the one thing he was good at. How could he fuck this up? This was all he had... everything he had.

He dialed Mei Ling's number.

"_Xiao Lang?_"

"Mei," Syaoran rasped out. "Come pick me up please?"

Some rustling and shouting later, he heard her. "_I'll be there in twenty_."

"Hurry,"

He couldn't stop itching.

*.*

Syaoran slouched on the couch feeling wretched. Maybe it was done. Maybe there wasn't anything good left in him anymore. Maybe he had no talent anymore.

Maybe...

"You look like you haven't eaten in days. When was the last time you ate a meal?"

Syaoran couldn't remember.

"I'll make something."

"Just... some stir fry if you can." Syaoran begged as he looked out into the sun, trying to see if Sakura's balcony was open. It wasn't. Or was it? He couldn't see too well.

"Do you want ginger in it? I know you hate the stuff, but it might help you."

Syaoran shook his head. He looked out at the balcony again.

Sakura stood there with the sketch he made her, smiling. Syaoran smiled.

"Hey," he heard her voice. She touched his forehead, his cheeks and then lifted his chin up.

"Syaoran,"

The way she said his name... was so perfect. Something as simple as his name sounded divine coming from her lips.

"Sakura,"

"Syaoran..."

He sighed and pulled her closer, kissed her temples and then her cheeks.

"Sakura," he sighed breathily. He felt better knowing she was with him. He wasn't alone. She was here.

She was here.

"Xiao Lang!" Mei Ling's voice was suddenly clear as crystal. He woke up and sat at that. He looked at the balcony doors... still closed.

"She's going to leave me, isn't she?" he asked Mei Ling. His eyes stung now.

"Xiao Lang..."

"She's going to leave me, just like everybody else."

"Xiao Lang, you know that's not true."

"She will leave me. What am I worth? Nothing, I'm not worth anything."

"Hey," Mei Ling soothed him and brought him to her bosom. Syaoran sobbed and trembled.

"You know why she left? It's because I'm not worth it, I can't be fixed. She couldn't stand to be with me and now... I'm broken."

Mei Ling rocked him softly and didn't say anything.

"I called her again." Syaoran revealed to Mei Ling.

"When?"

"Yesterday. She didn't answer."

"Xiao Lang, I thought you decided you were done." Mei Ling wiped his tears as she held him close. Syaoran shook his head. He didn't know what to say.

"How long have you been calling her?" Mei Ling asked as she massaged his scalp. That felt nice.

"I never stopped."

"Oh, Xiao Lang." She hugged him now, her arms around his waist. Syaoran couldn't stop crying.

"I hate her," he announced. "I hate her,"

"I hate her too," Mei Ling told him. "I hate her for what she did to you."

That wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he took it. His tears reduced as Mei Ling tried to feed him some stir fry.

He glanced at the balcony.

The doors were still closed.

_These wounds won't seem to heal_  
_This pain is just too real_  
_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

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	15. xiv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** Fashion Fairy 26, teru21, petiteTRINH, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, amelancholicangel : The second update, as promised. I couldn't reply to some of you, will do in this next review! Thank you for reviewing as always, couldn't do this without you all.

deadflo: Second update of the day! :) Make sure you check this time.

This chapter was originally over two thousand words... I made it two parts. This is the first.

Just a mention to those silent readers out there! Thank you for reading my story, for giving this story 2500 views within a week of publishing. I love all of you and I hope you keep reading.

**Disclaimer: **I have no rights over these characters. :)

* * *

_xiv._

_Here we are we've just begun _

_And after all this time our time has come_

_- _**Here I Am/Bryan Adams**

It was early in the morning on a bright and boring Thursday when Sakura felt something wet and tickly on her face. She pushed it away in her sleep, noting the way the sunlight nudged her eyes. It was morning already?

A bark woke her with a scream.

Then came the hysterical laughing!

"Touya!" she screamed as she threw a pillow at him. "What the hell is that?" she asked, pointing at the dog. Touya snickered and took the canine in his arms, leash dangling.

"This," he paused to pet the dog. "Is Kero Beros,"

Sakura rolled her eyes. "Kero Beros?"

"I know, right? He's such a cool dog. Potty trained and everything!"

"I didn't know you got a dog. What'd Yukito say?" Sakura asked as she got out of bed, suddenly wishing she wore pants to bed. How was she supposed to know Touya would arrive uninvited halfway across the world?

"He's not ours, Sakura." Yukito came to give her a hug before kissing her cheek. Sakura smiled.

"Hey, Yukito,"

"Oh, he gets a hello! What about your own flesh and blood huh?"

"You woke me up with a dog!" Sakura reminded as she stood with her hand around Yukito's waist. Sakura huffed and looked away.

"Not just any dog," Yukito stated as he brought Kero Beros... what a name... to her. Sakura conceded and took the dog in her arms. "He's yours!"

"What?" suddenly she wanted to drop the dog.

"Yup, potty trained and everything!" Touya reminded with a sneaky glimmer in his eyes.

Sakura looked unsurely at the dog.

"Hey, Kero," she tried his name out, just for kicks. The dog barked.

"See, loves you already." Touya said with a pat to her head. "Animals and monsters get along, who knew,"

Sakura stomped on his foot just before he left.

The dog barked again, as if agreeing.

"What're you guys doing here?" Sakura asked as she walked to the kitchen to make coffee, after setting the dog down and using soap. The dog followed her.

"Toya had to meet a sponsor, and we decided to take the week off."

"Yup, it's been too long since we'd seen you anyway." Touya said to her as he kissed her hair. Sakura rolled her eyes.

"Sometimes he's so nice, I almost fall for it. Bullocks, I say. Utter and complete rubbish," Sakura said disbelievingly in a fake British accent.

"You're right; I just came here for the cold and the rain." Touya said as he went to open the balcony doors. Sakura almost stopped him before stopping short. Yukito looked at her as he mixed his coffee.

"Something wrong?" he asked as Sakura bit her lip.

Touya stood on the balcony now, his hands on the railing. Sakura shook her head.

"Nothing,"

*.*

"You won't believe the cute girl I'm seeing," Tomoyo stated as the four of them played cards.

"Cute? From your Emails I concurred she was sexy, Goddess like." Touya flung a card on the coffee table.

"Well," Tomoyo looked into her cards and spoke, maybe just a little red.

"Aww, Toya, stop playing with the girl. Tell us about her, Tomoyo."

Tomoyo sighed before flinging all her cards on the table and standing to twirl around. Touya and Sakura braced themselves while Yukito smiled.

"I love her, I love her, I love her," she paused to look at them. "I. Love. Her!"

Sakura sighed. She'd heard so much of this over the few weeks that passed by that she was sick of it. Kero barked from his corner near the balcony.

The balcony...

"Sakura?"

"What?"

"I suggested meeting Mei Ling this weekend. I know she doesn't have a shoot scheduled with us," Tomoyo said as she played a card. Sakura nodded.

"Sure,"

"We could go to Tower Heights for dinner? Candlelight, rooftop ambience,"

"Sounds romantic," Yukito said.

"Sounds like PDA." Touya stated with a finger in his mouth.

Sakura nodded. "I second that. These two can't seem to keep their hands off of each other!"

"Ooh, it sounds so good! Let me go make plans!" Tomoyo ran off with her phone, leaving Touya and Yukito with Sakura.

"So, who's the guy?" Touya asked with his eyes closed, startling Sakura.

"What guy? There's no guy." Sakura assured him.

"Come on, Sakura, you're all lovey-dovey with those eyes of yours, you're off in la-la land every chance you get. There's definitely a guy." Touya pointed a finger in her face. "So spill,"

Sakura gulped and looked at Yukito for help. He raised his hands in surrender.

Telling Touya about Syaoran... would be unbelievably—

"I'm back," Tomoyo announced. She picked up her cards and played her turn, effectively ending that conversation.

"Who's this new guy in Sakura's life, Tomoyo?"

"Oh-ho-ho, she told you about him?" Tomoyo asked. Sakura was sweating bullets. This was just not fair.

"Nope, not giving anything up, so you tell us, what's he like?" Touya asked authoritatively.

"How about you see for yourself? He's coming with us for dinner this weekend."

"_What_?" Sakura exclaimed. Yukito laughed.

"This is going to be one eventful dinner." He said as Touya smiled an evil smile. Tomoyo joined in. Kero barked loudly.

"I'm going to rip him to shreds," Touya said and laughed like a comic book villain. Sakura felt her eyes narrow in embarrassment.

Why couldn't she have a normal family, an ordinary best friend...

Kero came running to jump into her lap.

...and have no dog?

_I've been waiting for you _  
_Here I am_

* * *

The real action is in tomorrow's update. I love guesses! Keep guessing!

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

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Read and Review. Thank you!


	16. xv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** Fashion Fairy 26, teru21, petiteTRINH, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, amelancholicangel, deadflo : Turns out this chapter is a lot longer than I intended. Had to be though. You'll understand why.

See you in a few hours in the next update!

**Disclaimer: **I have no rights over these characters. :)

* * *

_xv._

_The truth is hiding in your eyes_

_And it's hanging on your tongue_

_Just boiling in my blood_

_But you think that I can't see_

**- Decode/ Paramore**

Sakura sat next to Mei Ling and Tomoyo on one side, while Touya and Yukito sat next to Syaoran, opposite the girls. The night air was chilly as their waiter served them water and bread. The view of the city twinkled bright blues and reds. Sakura looked at it for many minutes.

"So, what do you do Syaoran?" Yukito asked as he drank some water.

"I'm studying art at the GSA." Syaoran replied.

"Oh, isn't that terrific Toya?"

Touya looked impassive as he stared down Syaoran and Syaoran stared right back. Sakura swallowed in fear. This was not good.

"What do you two do?" Syaoran asked with a bitter tone, his eyes only on Touya's. Anyone would have thought they'd been enemies since birth.

"Toya and I are the founders of the APAA."

"APAA?" Mei Ling questioned.

"Association of People Against Addiction," Touya answered this time, his tone hard.

Syaoran only turned away, his expression sour as he met Sakura's eyes. The others were talking... but it was really just a buzz in the background now.

She offered him a weak smile. Why did this feel like a betrayal on her part?

Dinner went pretty quietly after that, with some talk only from Tomoyo and Mei Ling, and that too was amongst them. Sakura sighed in relief when the waiter came with their food.

Yukito spoke to Syaoran some. Sakura and Mei Ling discussed her new teaching strategy with the kids. Tomoyo joined in.

Touya eyed Sakura and then Syaoran.

Sakura was in trouble, she just knew it.

It was safe to say that dinner was a complete bust.

*.*

Even though dinner had been a complete disaster, it wasn't until the six of them reached home that the whole night went haywire.

"I think I'll take off," Syaoran announced.

"I still have to return your coat, come with me." Sakura said. He nodded and followed her to her room, as she wanted him to.

"I'm so sorry about my brother," her whispers were rushed. "I had no idea he would—"

"Don't worry about it," Syaoran said as he eyed the small Labrador at the foot of the bed. When did Sakura get a dog?

"Seriously, I'm—"

"Really, Sakura, don't worry about it." He told her as he folded his coat on his forearm. "Somehow, he helped clear up a lot of things,"

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asked defensively.

"I'd always wondered how you _knew_... so much," his eyes looked angry. "I'm only upset that you didn't tell me."

"Tell you what? That my brother and his partner founded an organization for addicts? You never told me any details about your family." Sakura told him angrily.

"That's different. My family and I are not close, but you and your _brother_ are!"

"From what I've heard you only paint those important to you on your walls, so if your family and you are not close then why are they on it?"

"How do you—"

"You want to pick a fight with me on secrets then so can I," Sakura battled. She now stood inches from his lips.

"Sakura?" Yukito's calm voice flooded through the room, making Sakura and Syaoran turn around to face him. Touya stood behind him. Sakura forced herself to take a breath to calm down. Syaoran huffed and made to walk out of the room.

"I'll see you," was all Syaoran offered before he left the room and then slammed the front door. Sakura sat on the bed defeated. Touya sat next to her.

"Sakura..."

"Don't even—" she lifted her hands in anger. Kero came to her.

"I'm... I don't know if..." Touya tried.

"Yukito, can you leave us alone?" Sakura asked. Yukito smiled.

"I'll go make tea for Tomoyo."

"Mei Ling left?" Sakura asked disbelievingly. Yukito nodded sadly, picked up Kero and shut the door.

For some time, Touya and Sakura said nothing to each other. Touya was giving her time to calm down, Sakura knew that but somehow it just angered her more.

"You had no right to treat him that way!" she was the first to start.

"No right? Sakura, he's a—"

"I know what he is." Sakura told him.

"And you still let yourself fall in love with him?"

Sakura gave him a cold, hard stare then. "I'm not in love with him,"

"You're defending him like you're his best friend, you're defying your own brother, and do I need to say more?"

Sakura looked away guiltily. Finally it all came down to this, how defensively she tried to protect the boy's name and image. It didn't matter though; Touya had been able to sniff out a drug addict like a needle in a haystack. It's how she'd learnt to do it as well. How'd she think she could hide this from him?

"How bad is he?" Touya asked then. "You know I can—"

"I don't think he wants your help, not after the way you treated him." Sakura told him.

"Look, I was thrown off by him so I was a bit hostile. That doesn't mean I don't want to help him." He reconciled. Sakura sighed.

"You'd have to speak to him to be hostile. All you did was sneer and growl the whole evening."

"I'm sorry Sakura; I just don't want you hurt."

Sakura looked at him then, her eyes watering.

"I know, I'm sorry too,"

Sorry. Such a meaningless word sorry was. It couldn't make things better, it couldn't undo anything. It didn't even have the power to fix. Sorry was the worst word in the world. It was useless, good for nothing and it made things worse, if not anything else.

She'd heard so much of 'sorry' that she was sick of it. How easily people said sorry, like it could make a difference. How easily she said sorry. As if it mattered. As if it could change anything.

"What do I do?" she asked, sounding helpless.

"Whatever you want to, Sakura, you know that."

"I don't want to—"

"I know."

Touya brought her close and held her to his chest. Brother and sister took comfort from each other, on issues past and issues that still persisted. While most days their demons were encountered individually and alone, today was one those lucky days that Sakura had Touya with her, by her side.

In the last minute, it was always her brother that came to help. It was always that way. That's probably what made the man her rock.

"You love him."

"Maybe," she allowed herself to say.

"Addiction came make monsters out of the best people, Sakura. You know that. He may be a great guy, and I know you have strong feelings for him, but that doesn't change the reality. You need to tell him, make him get help," Touya insisted.

"What if he doesn't listen to me?"

"Then you know what to do."

Sakura closed her eyes and let the tears slide across her cheeks.

"I can't force him to change," she said solemnly.

"Nobody can, Sakura." Touya told her with a look that said it all. Asking for help... how hard was it to simply ask for help? It was no longer the question of love, of trust, of reality... the only thing that counted was realization.

_Nobody can, Sweetheart._

Sakura sobbed soundlessly in her brother's arms for hours that night. Even with her brother there, she'd felt lonely, far more than she'd ever felt.

_Nobody can._

_There is something I see in you_

_It might kill me, I want it to be true_

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Update in a few hours.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	17. xvi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, thanks for reviewing! *big kiss and hug*

amelancholicangel, deadflo, Fashion Fairy 26 : You've probably missed a chapter! Go back and take a look.

The second update of the day, as promised.

3000 views and 74 reviews. I've never had this much attention to one story, ever. Thank you! Thank you ALL. None of this would be possible without you. Please leave a review so I can personally thank you guys for your attention to this story. Sometimes I feel it so doesn't deserve this much.

**Disclaimer: **I love Touya, I love Yukito. I love them... sigh, if only...

* * *

_xvi._

_It's just my humble opinion_

_But it's one that I believe in_

_You don't deserve a point of view_

_If the only thing you see is you  
_

_-_ **Playing God/Paramore**

Syaoran had been having a foul day.

Scratch that, he'd been having a foul year, period.

He loitered out of class feeling somewhat better. He'd managed a painting of an erupting volcano; one that poured lava on that imbecilic brother of Sakura's he screamed in agony while his bones turn to dust. It was sadistic, sure, but he couldn't help himself. He hadn't met someone so vile in a while... even if Touya wasn't the vilest of them all.

No, Touya was nowhere close to the vilest person Syaoran knew. He was reluctant to even admit that.

"Syaoran Li," a man came to their sketching class and announced. Syaoran raised his hand sceptically.

"You've got an emergency call."

Syaoran immediately panicked. No one had called his phone. Who was it?

He walked behind the man and felt himself racing. What was the emergency?

"Here," the man told him as he directed him into a room. Syaoran went in... And found Touya and Yukito.

"What the fuck?" Syaoran swore after shutting the door behind him.

"No need to curse," Touya clucked his tongue with a sadistic grin. Syaoran scowled.

"You call this an emergency? I was in class there,"

"Would you have come to see us, if we'd asked politely?" Touya questioned with an eyebrow cocked up. His expression was so much like Sakura's at that moment. It was creepy.

"Not a chance." Syaoran crossed his arms and said.

Yukito smiled. "Why don't you let me talk to him, Toya?"

"Fine," Touya relented after many moments. The look he gave Syaoran irritated him to no end.

"What is it? I have to get back before someone realizes I'm out here on a joyride." He said, addressing Yukito alone this time. Yukito had a small smile on.

"What kind of substance are you taking currently?" Yukito asked confidently. Syaoran stuttered.

"Uh,"

"How have you been feeling lately? Perhaps sweating profusely or raised blood pressure?" Yukito asked, bringing a suspicion to Syaoran's mind.

"Did Sakura—"

"Don't you dare," Touya stood. "Bring my sister into this. Sakura has done nothing but protect your stupid ass since we've got here, so answer the damned questions."

"Toya, you promised," Yukito reminded.

"How can I stay calm? Look at him standing there like he's done nothing wrong!" Touya screamed.

"Sakura would never out you to anyone, Syaoran, I hope you know that." Yukito paused to dig in a bag. "Look, you don't have to tell us anything you don't want to tell us. We promise we wouldn't involve any third parties, including the officials. We're just here to offer you our help."

Syaoran stood stunned as Yukito handed him a card. He didn't need to look at it to know what it was.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Why do you think?" Touya responded as the two of them stood. Yukito bowed before leaving and looked to Touya.

"I'll be right out," he told Yukito. After a defeated sigh, Yukito left the two alone. For the first time, Syaoran felt afraid of Sakura's brother. Sure the man wouldn't physically harm him... it was the things he would say that Syaoran was afraid of.

"Get this straight," he said as he came closer to Syaoran. "My sister does not need to help you, neither do I.

"So if you don't get yourself straightened out and start taking responsibility for your own actions, there'll be hell to pay. And I promise you, I'll be right back on the first flight out, no matter how far Japan may be from Glasgow."

"So you're doing this for Sakura," Syaoran understood.

"I'm doing this because it's my job," Touya corrected. "It's what I do. I would've done it for you even if you were a stranger on the streets."

"Why?"

"I just told you,"

"No, I meant why _this_ job? I'm sure you're not paid much, and I'm sure there isn't much of a profit for you in it, so why?" Syaoran pried as though it was his place. Touya huffed.

"Not everything revolves around money." He told Syaoran. "Not everyone needs to drown in money to be happy, have you ever thought of that?"

"I don't care about money." Syaoran said. How did Touya know?

"If you say so,"

"I... don't." Syaoran finished lamely before realizing he'd strayed from topic. Something about what Touya had said before struck him odd.

"Sakura picked me up off the streets, just like you said you would have. I always thought about it... then I met you and things sort of made sense..." Syaoran trailed off then. Touya looked at him with his arms crossed, no answers.

"But there's more, isn't there?" Syaoran asked fearfully.

"She'll tell you when she's ready, I guess." Touya never answered his question. "That is, if you ever get your act cleaned up."

"But—"

"We'll be there for you when you decide you need help."

Touya left the room after that. Syaoran stood there, frozen, too afraid to even breathe.

The instant he did breathe though, he wanted to get high.

So that was what he did to ease the pain. He went to class, gave some half assed excuse and went home to smoke himself into oblivion.

*.*

When Mei Ling would return home from her shoot, she would find several canvases filled with images of raindrops, water, fire and earth represented like dust or a crystal. She would look curiously at the paintings and then find Syaoran sound asleep in his bed, meth and pipe safely hidden away with Sakura's sketch in his sock drawers.

Only once she went to her bedroom would she find that the walls in her room had been ambushed with images of the auburn haired girl in the rain. She wouldn't say anything though, except sigh and get ready to sleep.

_I'm on both sides of the fence_

_I'll point you to the mirror_

_Without a hint of regret_

_I'll hold you to it_

* * *

**QUESTION**: Tell me the one thing you absolutely love AND hate about this story.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

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	18. xvii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, amelancholicangel, deadflo, Fashion Fairy 26, SweetSeductionCherryB : I read all your reviews in a sleepy daze, but I know everything each one of you said. I have been waiting for a week to put this chapter out. The minute I wrote it I was like, finally! Finally! Finally!

This is the first update of the day.

**Disclaimer: **I hate that none of this, none of them are mine.

* * *

_xvii._

_And I fall asleep_

_And dream of alternate realities_

_And I put myself at ease_

_By pretending that she still loves me_

**- Can't Stop/Maroon 5**

Everything had seemed uncertain after that dinner with Syaoran and Mei Ling. Touya and Yukito had left a week ago, and while she could've begged for them to stay she knew it wasn't possible. They had to go home. People were counting on them there.

Sakura spent the weekend with Kero, balcony doors open and yet no call from Mei Ling or Syaoran. She knew it was probably nothing, but if it was so then it would've been a perfect world... and it wasn't. There was something wrong.

Tomoyo had texted her once over the weekend, telling her she was with her mum for a change. Sakura sighed. So it was truly just Kero and her that weekend.

Maybe it was a sign to stop dawdling and go talk to Syaoran already.

All through Saturday she read a book, listened to music and dawdled. She dusted, did the laundry, stuffed room fresheners into various corners of the house and took Kero for a long run. It was the coward's move, Sakura knew, but it was done anyway. The dawdling ensued for weeks now, what was one more weekend?

The thing was Sakura didn't know why she was avoiding Syaoran? She knew how he felt... somewhat. He'd always been all boyish charms and red with shyness around her. Was it that she'd seen the boy angry now that she was afraid he would reject her?

No, angry or not, he felt it too. It was there... whatever it was, and it was mutual.

So why couldn't he come to her this time?

On Sunday afternoon all the dawdling came to an end.

Mei Ling came to her apartment with a bang on her front door. Sakura opened the door unsurprised.

"I need you to see something." She said with a stern look and stalked off.

Sakura followed her without a word, shutting the door behind her with keys in hand as she left. For some time the thudding of her heart seemed like a noise coming from the outside. She worried if Mei Ling could hear it.

When she walked into Syaoran's apartment, her heart stopped.

*.*

"How many are there?" Sakura asked as she touched the canvases, the sketchbooks, the walls. Everything felt dry to touch. She wasn't breathing.

"I don't know," Mei Ling said as she brought her some water. Sakura accepted graciously and drank it all down.

"There are more in the bedrooms." Mei Ling told her.

Sakura inhaled deeply.

"Let's see them." She said before walking into the dimly lit corridor.

Each bedroom was the same, except for Syaoran's. While his walls remained the same, the other bedrooms were now painted in shades of black, white, auburn and blue. Portraits of her with eyes closed looking up to a starry sky, of her praying, of her with her back turned... every single one of them was of her.

"Is there something going on that I need to know of?" Mei Ling asked. "Because this is not normal Xiao Lang behaviour, he doesn't just paint girls he's barely known all over his walls. I've told you that."

Sakura didn't say anything.

"Did you guys make up after that night's fight?" she asked Sakura after sitting her down. Sakura shook her head.

"We haven't met since," she told her in a small voice. "I don't even know where he is these days."

"He's at college," Mei Ling told her. "Trying to come up with something good for this Exhibition... It's at the end of the year."

Sakura and Mei Ling said nothing else.

"Whose paintings are those in his room?" Sakura asked, already knowing some bit of the answer.

"Oh, that's his sisters and me. We went for a picnic that day..." Mei Ling trailed off. "Syaoran had so much fun that day. It was just a year ago."

"Who's the man?" Sakura asked.

"That's his dad. He died when Syaoran was fourteen."

"What about the woman?" Sakura had been wondering about her for a while now. "The one with long black hair and dark eyes,"

"That's his mom."

"Oh," she simply said.

"Just... talk to him once he's back. I don't know, say something. You like him, don't you?" Mei Ling asked. "And by like, I mean like-like."

Sakura nodded.

"I swear Sakura, Syaoran's the gentlest person you'd have ever met. He is so kind and sweet, you wouldn't believe he's the same guy now. I guess he's just... going through some stuff."

"I know," she turned to face Mei Ling. "I'll talk to him."

Mei Ling smiled. "I just know you'll be great together. He loves you already."

_I love him already, too_, she wanted to say. She smiled instead.

*.*

Syaoran came into his room to find Sakura sitting on his bed.

"Hey,"

Syaoran frowned. "Hi," he said anyway. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just came by to see you. Mei Ling let me in."

"Where is she?" Syaoran had wondered that since he came in.

"She went to see Tomoyo," Sakura told him. Syaoran nodded.

Sakura faced away when Syaoran went to his closet and stripped to change.

"You never told me about your sisters." Sakura said.

"Hmm," Syaoran gave her a look.

"They look beautiful,"

"I guess so,"

Half hearted answers were escaping involuntarily; he couldn't seem to help it. His head had been throbbing through the day, muddling his thoughts.

"I can't stop thinking about you,"

It took him a minute to realize that he had said that. He turned around and looked at Sakura's face. Her eyes twinkled in the twilight, green and wide.

"I, I- sometimes I just-"

Sakura looked away as he tried to frame a sentence. After a while he gave up.

"I don't even know what I'm saying." He confessed.

"How long have you been off the meth?" Sakura asked without looking at him. It irritated him. Just thinking about the meth made his skin itch.

"Close to two weeks now," he turned away, unable to look at her anymore. For a long time, he just waited for her to say something, do something.

At long last warm, soft fingers traced his spine, making him tremble. He felt nails scrape his bare skin as his breath came out uneven. He didn't dare turn around, scared that she'd stop touching him if he did.

The softest kiss was felt, gentler than the touch of a feather, first on his shoulder and then at the back of his neck. He couldn't help but groan; it was unbearably stimulating.

Sakura brought her hands around his shoulders before biting the pulse point on his neck. Her body moulded into his back as he arched at the sensation. It was all he could take.

Quickly, he turned around and brought his lips to hers.

_And I can't stop thinking about you_

_You never could or would do what I do_

_And I can't stop and I can't stop_

* * *

I think I know how you feel.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Next update real soon. Stick around!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	19. xviii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, amelancholicangel, teru21, petiteTRINH, Fashion Fairy 26, SweetSeductionCherryB: :) You guys have me *so happy*.

deadflo: Missed you in the previous chapter. This is the second update of the day.

Truth be told I first had the song 'Lights' by Ellie Goulding in mind for this chapter but the lyrics were not at all fitting. It's sad that I couldn't use that song but I guess 'Eternal Flame' will have to do.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xviii._

_Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling_  
_Do you feel my heart beating?_  
_Do you understand?_

**- Eternal Flame/The Bangles**

This wasn't the first time Sakura had kissed someone; felt someone so close to her body as the sunlight completely vanished outside, leaving them in the dark. Tilting her head back to kiss him, she thought of her first kiss in the dark, under the moonlight with Hiro, a boy from her school in Tomoeda. She'd thought it was the most magical anyone could make her feel.

How wrong she'd been.

Barely six years after the first kiss came the man she'd thought she was in love with at the time, Yamazaki... tall, dashing and sophisticated. He was every girl's dream, really. Maybe it was love, who knows, but they'd shared a bond that Sakura took a long while to recover from. It wasn't as painful a parting as much necessary for their end had come. He was more than a friend, but somehow still lesser than a lover.

But Syaoran... was so much more than anything she'd ever felt before.

As fierce as him were his kisses against her lips, their bodies close and their hands clasped. Every kiss brought her so much closer to forgetting everything like it never happened. His hands came to her shoulders as he pushed her back gently to the bed. On top of her now, on all fours, he looked at her.

"I... cannot believe how much I want you." His lips came to graze her earlobe, her ear, her cheek.

"You... you... you've been on mind since that first night I saw you in the rain." He kissed her lips gently. "You're all that I've been able to think about since then.

"You're all I can paint since then."

Sakura couldn't bear to look at him. Hearing him say... made it so much harder to keep her own. With one finger he brought her to look at him again.

"It's been you for months, do you know that? You, with your long hair and beautiful skin and pink lips... but I think it's your eyes I'm most partial to... I've tried so hard to find the green in your eyes, bring it to life... It's just impossible."

"Syaoran—"

"Even the way you say my name, the way your mouth—" he cut off to kiss her. "... it's like I've never kissed anyone before you, like I was waiting my whole life to find you, have you," he brought her wrists to his mouth and bit softly. A soundless moan left her lips.

"Every inch of you is so pure, innocent..." Syaoran bit her neck, gently at first. "... and I've been so jealous of you, your untainted skin, body... heart and soul."

"I'm..." Sakura gasped as he bit her harder.

"I'll never be good enough," he told her before kissing her, over and over again. "Nobody will be enough,"

"Syaoran... that's not true," Sakura said between kisses. "You are good enough, you know that. I—"

He looked into her eyes before dipping lower to kiss her collarbone.

"You saved me, that night." Syaoran told her in hushed tones. "If you hadn't found me, I don't know what I would've done. You saved me.

"I remember thinking I was in heaven that night as you comforted me, soothed me, put me to sleep. I remember you... your face, your nightgown, I remember how you sat with me through that night. Nobody has ever done that for me. Months ago I didn't even know you, and now here you are, the stranger on the road who cared more than anyone else."

Sakura felt scared at those words.

"What happened that day?" she asked.

"I don't want to –just hold me." He told her before slipping to the side, his legs tangled with hers. "Hold me."

Sakura held him as he quivered in her arms wildly. Tighter than before, she held him as she willed her eyes to remain dry.

It was a long time before wetness seeped into her t-shirt. Syaoran was crying.

"I'm going to ruin you," he murmured against her neck. "You'll never be the same again. I ruin things, and I've touched you... but I can't help myself. I can't help but want you.

"You should have never picked me off the street that night."

Sakura pulled back and looked into his wet eyes, kissing the tears that left them. She smiled through her own tears as she tugged on his hair.

"It'll be okay, whatever it is." She said as she patted him to sleep. "I'm here now, it'll be okay."

"You will leave me," he doubted.

"Not if you get help, not if you try,"

"What if I can't?"

"You will, because I'm here now. I'll help you," she promised.

Nothing else was said as she patted his back while softly singing an old song Touya had taught her. Supposedly her mother used to sing it to him to put him to sleep.

Syaoran was asleep in minutes.

Sakura fell asleep with tears in her eyes.

*.*

Syaoran woke up to Sakura. It was still dark, and Syaoran felt slightly disoriented. How long had they been sleeping?

She softly kissed his lips as they lay in bed together. Her eyes shined, even in the dark. It made him smile. How easily the butterflies spurted to life and roamed, making him feel excited and tense all at once. It was all because of the enigma next to him, holding him, kissing him.

"What time is it?" he asked her.

"A little after four,"

He kissed her, his hands holding hers as he pinned her beneath him. She was here, willing to be his. He couldn't believe. It felt too good to be true.

"I'd do it again, you know." She told him tiredly. Had she slept at all?

"Do what again?" he asked her before bringing his lips close to hers.

"I'd pick you up off the streets again. I'd bring you home again. I'd fight with you again... I'd do it all again.

"I'd fall in love with you, all over again."

Syaoran felt his pulse race... _love_.

He smiled and then laughed quietly before kissing her.

_Do you feel the same_  
_Am I only dreaming_  
_Is this burning an eternal flame_

* * *

Aww... I couldn't help myself. They are too sweet together. Falling in love is so easy. I still remember the first time I realized I was in love. Best damned day of my life.

**QUESTION**: Tell me your love story.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

TEASER of chapter xix up on profile. Check it out!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	20. xix

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, amelancholicangel, teru21, petiteTRINH, Fashion Fairy 26, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo: We're going to touch a 100 reviews today. I can hardly believe it. Thank you guys, without you this wouldn't have felt the same. I'm some how feeling a lot more connected to this story thanks to you guys. I'm dying to see what you think of the next few chapters.

Immortal-Blood is a new reader. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xix._

_And every heart in the room will melt_

_This is a feeling I've never felt_

_But it's all about us_

_-_ **All About Us/He is We feat. Owl City**

"How are you feeling now?" Sakura asked Syaoran as she handed him some warm milk. While Sakura could've slept a little longer, Syaoran didn't look like he could've fallen asleep again. So here they sat on the cold floor of the balcony, waiting for the sun to come up. Syaoran held a hand out to her. Sakura eyed it once before clasping it in hers.

"I'm fine, Sakura."

Sakura looked at her balcony across. So that was what it looked like.

"You need to get help," it came out faster and far more confident than it sounded in her head. Sakura said it, finally.

"I... can't." Syaoran looked at her and said.

"Why?" she asked him.

He sighed before bringing her closer to him.

"There are things I haven't told you, Sakura, about me, about my family."

Sakura yawned. "Sorry, I'm just—"

"Sleepy, I know." Syaoran smiled before playing with a lock of hair. "I come from a long line of money and politics... and I need to keep my record clean."

Sakura nodded. It was something she'd guessed... his apartment, clothes, shoes, watch, wallet... even painting equipment. She decided to Google him once she got home.

"I can do it, though." Syaoran assured her. "You'll be there, right? That's all I need."

For now, Sakura thought. For now everything was alright and she was all he would need. What about when things would go back to square one when he's not in control anymore?

"I know it sounds impossible, but hey, hundreds of people do it every day. Why can't I?"

Sakura looked at him doubtfully before placing her head on his shoulder.

"I'll give you one chance." Sakura told him. "One slip and I make the call."

Syaoran nodded hesitantly.

"Touya could handle things your way," she said. "We can go to him right now."

"You promised me one chance." Syaoran reminded her. Sakura looked at him with weary eyes before relenting.

"One chance,"

Syaoran smiled before leaning in to kiss her.

Sakura kissed him first.

*.*

Mei Ling and Tomoyo joined Sakura and Syaoran on their first night out at a nearby Italian cafe called Bellisma. Sakura said something about craving for it. Syaoran knew what that felt like. They joked about it.

It was funny.

"Look at you two, all cute and cuddly." Tomoyo commented. She brought out a camera and focused. While Syaoran wanted to be alone with Sakura, it was still nice to be out with his cousin and her girlfriend.

"Say cheese,"

Girlfriend... was that what Sakura was to him? Girlfriend?

Leave alone girls, Syaoran hadn't had time to spend on guys. Syaoran didn't know when the last time was that he went out with a girl.

He never had the time to say cheese.

"Aww, it's adorable. I'll send you a print."

"It is cute. Look," Sakura showed Syaoran. Syaoran looked at her lips before looking at the picture. They looked... nice together. The thought brought an instant smile to his face.

Dinner was served then. Mei Ling and Tomoyo continued to feed each other some bits of food. Sakura was safely distracted. Syaoran gently laid a hand on her thigh and traced her jeans. She didn't seem to mind.

"Sakura, how's Kero treating you?" Tomoyo asked her. Syaoran gently made his way to her knees and then back slowly. Sakura didn't bat an eyelash.

"I love him." She said. Syaoran wondered if she was talking about the dog. "He's so adorable. In the morning he makes this sad cute puppy face just before I have to leave for work. It's hard to leave after that."

Tomoyo laughed. Mei Ling was saying something about clothes.

Syaoran grazed along the inside of her thighs. Sakura gave him a pointed look. Syaoran grinned.

As turning on as it was, it also felt normal. For some time there was no fighting the craving for the drug, no worrying about the selections for the Exhibition, no stupid older brothers or their gay partners to argue with... for once, it was just him and her, just Sakura and Syaoran.

For some time they felt like an ordinary couple... like any regular girlfriend and boyfriend out with their friends, eating dinner and spending time together.

Sakura looked over to him as she chewed her lasagne. Syaoran couldn't help the stupid grin on his face.

"Well, well, look at the boy all love smitten. If only his sisters were here," Mei Ling sighed. "They wouldn't believe it."

Syaoran almost didn't believe it.

The feeling was bliss.

*.*

Two weeks passed without any event as Sakura was swamped with work and Syaoran was supposed to be digging for his latent creativity. After many a day of separation the two found one evening they were free and decided to try and work together at Syaoran's apartment.

Sakura sat grading some papers as Syaoran painted after dinner. Painting always made him want to get high. The urge was back, but with Sakura around it wasn't so bad. He ignored it as he dipped his brush to make a green. He looked at Sakura. He didn't know she wore glasses.

He couldn't help feeling lucky.

He undid the bandana he wore and sneakily walked to Sakura. In one swift move he was able to remove her glasses and blindfold her.

"Syaoran!" she stood up and stumbled. Syaoran chuckled.

"You looked so adorable with your glasses, I couldn't resist." he told her as she struggled to get to her. When she moved to take the blindfold off, Syaoran stopped her.

"Humour me, will you?" he asked her sincerely. Sakura exhaled loudly, looking rather uncomfortable.

"This better be worth it."

Syaoran watched as she tried to reach for him blindly as he dodged her every single time. After a while of crashing into furniture and stubbing toes into corners, Sakura gave up with a huff.

"You know," he told her as he felt her arms from behind. "There is something undeniably sexy about the teacher fantasy."

"You fantasize about teachers?" she asked suspiciously before Syaoran licked her neck and pressed chest to back. She arched at the feel of him.

Never, not once before did the feel of skin make him feel so. Every inch of it was magnified, as though for the first time. It wasn't like anything he'd ever felt before.

Why?

_Love..._

Syaoran turned her around and kissed her without a second thought. Sakura complied.

"Just one," he told with her with a stupid grin. "Just you,"

It seemed it was the day for silly grins and butterflies.

_Love..._

_Suddenly I'm feeling brave  
Don't know what's got into me  
Why I feel this way  
Can we dance, real slow?  
Can I hold you, real close?_

* * *

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

You guys are going to hate me in the next chapter. Might as well love your reviews for this chapter! Update soon.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	21. xx

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, deadflo: I promise, it is necessary. It's a cruel, selfish world out there. Lets face it, what we read so far was a child's storybook.

**Disclaimer: **I can't even bring myself to write something innovative here. You know none of this is mine.

* * *

_xx._

_Immobilized by the thought of you_  
_Paralyzed by the sight of you_  
_Hypnotized by the words you say_  
_Not true but I believe 'em anyway_

_-_ **Shiver/Maroon 5**

Syaoran stood with his professor as the representative from the council of Exhibition speculated his work. He'd known this day was coming for weeks now, and while the work he'd managed to present was decent enough, it still wasn't the best.

The man with long gray hair and beady cat eyes stood in front of all three of his paintings and watched closely for... who knows what? He spent most time on the third. Syaoran gulped.

That was the one of Sakura in the rain.

Syaoran hung his head low as the man announced he was done and moved along to the next student's work. His professor merely patted his shoulder before leaving without a word.

After all the paintings had been observed through a magnifying glass of scrutiny, the man spoke. Syaoran thought of what his name was... but he couldn't remember. He was so nervous. This was his best chance.

"The selected students' names will be put up on the notice board by the end of the day. Please note that the exhibition is on December 23rd at Glasgow hall. If a student withdraws his/hers name, the next best will be selected."

If his name was not on that list, he may as well pack up and go home.

*.*

"Syaoran Li,"

Syaoran turned around to the voice in the middle of the courtyard.

"Nakuru," Syaoran rolled his eyes. "What're you doing here?"

Nakuru Akizuki walked over to the boy in the way that a snake would, ready to pounce and poison. He'd always felt that about her, with her dyed hair and strange piercings. Somehow, he'd never liked her and yet...

He sighed when she stood too close and took a step back.

"Aww, Syaoran, did you not miss me?"

"What do you want Nakuru?" he asked, now irritated.

"Really, is that any way to talk to an old lover?"

Once upon a time, something close to three years ago, Syaoran had been in a rather toxic relationship (if you could call it that at all) with the girl who stood before him. There was no appeal to her, really. He was high and she was good company which was it. Now he wondered what the hell he'd been thinking.

Most days he spent avoiding her. Other days she wasn't in town anymore. She was two years his senior and had left Glasgow to work... _not_ in Glasgow. Syaoran didn't care enough to keep tabs on her.

Right now though, she was galling as hell.

"I'm leaving," Syaoran turned to leave.

"Having a bad day, little wolf?" she asked in her irritatingly deep British accent.

"Don't call me that!" he screamed. She knew it would get him riled up. She knew what she was doing. That witch always knew.

"You're different..." she observed as she made to touch him. Syaoran flinched away. "You used to love it when I called you that."

"No, I didn't, and I always told you _not_ to do that!"

"Well, there were other things you loved." She told him, sliding a bit of her thumb into her mouth with that disgusting look in her eye. Syaoran felt nauseous. He turned around and walked away. Saying anything to her would be fruitless.

"I see," she said, walking behind him. "So you've someone else to toy with now, do you? Who's the lucky lady?"

Syaoran kept walking.

"Alright, let's talk about something else. What do you prefer these days?" she asked. "Still good old Cristina, I hope?"

Syaoran turned left and left the premises. He was too nervous about the results in any case. He decided to call it a day and leave for home. He'd find out if he'd been selected. Someone would let him know.

Nakuru dragged him by the arm into a deserted alleyway. Syaoran struggled but it was hopeless. Damn, the girl was strong.

"Let me go," he told her as she pinned him to the brick wall. Nakuru grinned.

"Now that I have your attention, I'll ask you nicely. There's a party at Luke's house, remember Luke? You used to be so close." She told him as she licked the shell of his neck. She continued speaking as she brought her hands to his jeans.

"Remember the good old days when we'd hang out, smoke and fuck?" she whispered in his ears. He groaned. Involuntary as it was, Syaoran remembered.

"It could be better this time. I haven't fucked you while on a high in so long, and I remember how good it was." She dipped her hands into his jeans, her eyes on his. Syaoran narrowed his before grabbing her wrists and shoving her away.

"Fine, I'll put it in a way you'll understand," she told him with the flick of her hair as she turned around. "Find me at Luke's house, or I'll find you and I'll find this new muse of yours and I will make sure to put an end to your silly little love story.

"I assure you, I'm a woman of my word."

Syaoran stood there wondering how the hell he'd been blackmailed into something so sickening. Is that how he'd been before, with Nakuru, with the others? God and he'd kissed Sakura with the same mouth he'd put on Nakuru. If Sakura ever found out...

Before he knew it, he was shoving through the crowd at Luke's party to find Nakuru. He would clear things up and leave, simple as that.

Often simple plans turn very complicated.

Nakuru stood on the first floor, looking down at him with a smirk. She gestured for him to come with one finger, a motion that used to excite him so easily. Now, it just brought the sick feeling of bile to his throat.

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" Nakuru questioned mockingly.

"Nakuru," he said to her as she shut the door. "Look, I—" Whatever he wanted to say died at the back of his mind. The _smell_ was so unbelievably inviting. At first he'd been able to resist it but now... it was just too tempting. He had to leave.

She brought a very familiar pipe to his lips and Syaoran couldn't bear to oppose, he sucked in the sweet devil that was crystal meth. His breathing slowed as he puffed out and brought his lips forward for another drag.

Nakuru moved away the pipe and brought her lips to his instead.

_I shiver when I hear your name_  
_Think about you but it's not the same_

* * *

Hate me already? Don't worry, I cried when I wrote the next chapter.

**QUESTION**: Where do guys usually sit when you're reading my story?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

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**TEASER** for chapter xxi up on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	22. xxi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, deadflo, Musette Fujiwara, amelancholicangel, Care, Fashion Fairy 26, Randomsam123, Immortal Blood: Do you guys know that the previous chapter has gotten the maximum number of reviews, 8 reviews! 8! Wow, I was so blown away by the way this story is picking up readers. 4500 views, 113 reviews. I love you guys. I'm so overwhelmed, I could cry. *sniffle*

We'll be doing two chapters a day starting tomorrow. Had a test today so had to cut back. Make sure you tell me what you thought.

**Disclaimer: **I can't even bring myself to write something innovative here. You know none of this is mine.

* * *

_xxi._

_Life is like a mean machine_  
_It made a mess outta me_  
_It left me caught between_  
_Like an angry dream I was stranded, I was stranded_

_- _**This is How a Heart Breaks/Rob Thomas**

The walk back home was a sordid one. Syaoran barely saw where he was going as he held his bag in one hand. The world felt like it was spinning, the quiet mocking him.

"_Touch me,"_

Had he? Did he touch her? Just the thought was sickening. Syaoran ran over to the side and threw up promptly. Guilt flooded him and then came the worry. He couldn't even remember exactly what happened. One thing was for sure, he now hated Nakuru.

Syaoran felt angry tears slip over his cheeks as he tried to blink. His fist hit the wall as he pounded it over and over again. Angry and humiliated, he finally knew what it was to hate someone. After every punch he felt bruised and raw, the anger not dissipating one little bit.

_"Touch me,"_

Punch.

_"Touch me,"_

Punch. Pause. Punch.

"She's going to leave you now."

That voice sounded so much like Nakuru. Why? Was it because he hated her now?

"She's going to leave you, and you won't be able to stop her."

Syaoran sat against the boundary wall and cried hot tears whilst biting his fingernails. He picked out his phone and dialled her number once again.

"_Hello, you've dialled 0044392810029. Please leave a message."_

Syaoran spoke. For the first time in years, he spoke.

"It's me." He said. "I... I need you. I need you. I need you." He chanted, on and on and on, until his head throbbed and his body gave out.

"I need you.

"I need you.

"I need you."

Maybe it was the meth, or maybe it was real, he would never know. But from beside him came the voice that he craved to hear.

"I'm here, Syaoran." She told him, her perfectly black and long hair a curtain around them now as she hugged him close. The call disconnected automatically and he hugged her close as she did him.

A passerby noted how a boy with brown hair slept on the street.

The poor thing was alone.

*.*

Syaoran didn't know how he got where he was right then, but knew something was amiss. His lips felt dry and his hands coated with dry blood. The backpack he'd been carrying was a little ways ahead. It was still dark when he made the long walk home.

His head felt fuzzy... how long had it been since he'd smoked? Maybe six hours... maybe lesser. There was no way of knowing for sure until he went home and... Did what? He knew there was nothing to relieve the feel of strain on his body and mind... except Sakura.

No, he couldn't face her. Not yet, anyway.

Syaoran entered his building and walked up the stairs to the apartment. Letting him in with the key he shut the door and noticed how different the house looked in the dark.

"Syaoran?"

Syaoran turned around and yelped.

*.*

Mei Ling had fallen asleep on the couch whilst watching TV. It had been a long day of shooting but finally the next day was an off. Tomoyo and her planned to spend the day shoe shopping with Sakura.

She thought that Syaoran was probably with Sakura, and not wanting to disturb them if they were together, left the matter be.

Around three in the morning in came Syaoran, startling her awake. She stood and went closer to see if it was her cousin.

"Xiao Lang?" she asked, suddenly aware of her dark, open hair. She moved to tie into a knot before Syaoran screamed.

"What?" she asked him, looking around. "What is it?"

"You..." he pointed at her. "You're here... why? What do you want now?"

"Xiao—"

"Stop calling me that!" he pushed her away before running towards the corridor to the bedrooms. Mei Ling ran behind him into his room.

"Xiao Lang, what is it?"

"You're here for money, aren't you? You want money."

"What—"

"Take it," Syaoran threw his backpack at her, hurting her hands as she tried to catch it. "Take it and go. Leave. I don't ever want to see you, not again. It was a mistake. I don't need you."

"Xiao Lang, listen to me!"

Syaoran came close and clamped a hand to her mouth.

"I don't want to hear your voice," she'd never heard him sound so lethal. "I don't want to hear another word. Leave. Go. I am so angry I could kill you for what you did to me, for how you left me." He told her, his other hand choking her neck. Mei Ling's scream were simply muffled cries that no one would hear.

"I hate you," he spat. "I hate you like I hate no one else. You did this to me. This is all your fault." He enunciated every word. "This, who I am now, is because of you."

Mei Ling broke away from him and ran, outside his room, outside the apartment, out to the road and found herself banging on Sakura's door. She didn't know how she got there, and even why, but she needed someone now.

"Mei Ling?" Sakura asked groggily after opening the door, only in a nightgown. "What happened?"

"Xiao Lang," a howl escaped between pants. Sakura's eyes went wide.

"Where is he?"

"He-is-I-Sakura!" Mei Ling hugged Sakura as she cried. "I don't know, he's so hysterical... he's saying things... I don't even think he recognized—" she suddenly stopped talking.

"Mei Ling?" Sakura asked and pulled Mei Ling away. "I need you to calm down, okay? Is Syaoran alright?"

Mei Ling shook her head.

"Why... was he like that?" she rasped out with her hand on her neck.

"Calm down, okay? Everything's going to be alright. I promise." She pressed a kiss to Mei Ling's forehead and assured. Mei Ling was shaking panic-stricken.

"Come on, we're wasting time. We have to see to Syaoran, don't we?" Sakura asked.

Mei Ling finally snapped out of it and pulled Sakura by the hand. She never stopped shaking.

_You take a hit now you feel it break down_  
_Make you stay wide awake_  
_This is how a heart breaks_

* * *

**QUESTION**: What's the song in your head right now?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

**TEASER** for chapter xxii up on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	23. xxii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, deadflo, Musette Fujiwara, Fashion Fairy 26, LadyDae: When I first published this story I was so sure this story wouldn't even get half the attention it's got. I have you guys to thank for that.

Special shout out to LadyDae for her review.

This is the first update of the day.

**Disclaimer: **You know none of this is mine.

* * *

_xxii._

_I've learned to lose_

_I've learned to win_

_I've turned my face against the wind_

_I will move fast_

_I will move slow_

_Take me where I have to go_

_-_ **Still Alive/Lisa Miskovsky**

Sakura walked into the open apartment suddenly feeling very conscious and very cold.

Syaoran was nowhere in sight.

Sakura motioned for Mei Ling to come in as they walked through the apartment quietly, hand in hand, as they scanned around for Syaoran.

"_Why... was he like that?"_ Mei Ling's question was ringing in her ears. Sakura wondered. Why? Why had he been like that... one had to wonder? He had promised her, hadn't he? Syaoran wouldn't go back on his promise, would he?

"Let me go," Sakura whispered to Mei Ling as the two of them approached Syaoran's room. The light was on.

"But..."

"I'll be fine. Don't worry. If you hear anything, you call Tomoyo okay? She'll call my brother. It'll be fine."

Mei Ling didn't say anything and Sakura walked into the room cautiously. The light needed adjusting to as Sakura finally saw Syaoran sitting on his bed with his head hung low. She walked in then, ready for anything. If he'd managed to freak out Mei Ling, then that meant something was terribly wrong. Withdrawal symptoms were supposed to be this intense... but was it just withdrawal symptoms?

"Syaoran," she gently said. He looked at her then, his eyes blank.

"Hey,"

Sakura inhaled. He was okay.

"Hi," she said as she pointed to his lap. "What're you looking at?"

Syaoran didn't say anything, simply staring at a piece of paper on his lap. Sakura stood still for a while before the boy managed to say something.

"My father... Rei Yu Lang Li, died six years ago from blood cancer. He has five children, four legitimate daughters... and me."

Sakura's eyes widened.

*.*

"On his death bed he gave me this picture." Syaoran handed it to Sakura as she neared him. Syaoran saw her eye the woman, and then the bottom of the wall. She'd known.

"_Who's this?"_

"_That's Yelan Rui... your mother, Xiao Lang."_

"My mother was just a girl that he happened to meet... not for long though. She stayed in Hong Kong for a year and then left again.

"She came back two years later with me."

"_Your mother... couldn't keep you, Xiao Lang. She left you and this photograph on our doorstep. I tried to get in touch with her, tried to reason with her... ask her to marry me."_

"He never got in touch with her." Syaoran said impassively. "I don't know what she does, Father never told me. I didn't even know I had a mother till six years ago. After he passed, I wanted answers. I picked up and shifted here, to her last known address." He turned the photograph and showed the scribbling.

"_This is all I could find of her." _Father had told him.

"My sisters were against it." Syaoran remembered their solemn faces when he told them what he'd decided. "Mei Ling was against it.

"But I came anyway."

Sakura sat next to him as he took the photograph back. The baby in her arms in the photo was so small... Syaoran almost couldn't believe it had been him.

"What happened?" Sakura asked with her hand at the nape of his neck.

"I never found her... an English man was living at the address... but I found a number."

Syaoran had looked through so many telephone directories, so many registered addresses and numbers lists... before finding the number under the name Yelan Reed.

"Did you ever talk to her?"

"Once, just the day before father's first death anniversary."

He remembered how nervous he'd been when she picked up the phone and said hello. He almost forgot to breathe. He remembered holding the public phone closer to his ear, almost not believing it.

"_Yelan Reed?"_ he questioned uncertainly.

"_This is she."_

Syaoran placed a hand to feel his heartbeat. It was beating as fast as it had back then, the day she'd spoken to him... the only time she'd spoken to him.

"_My name is Syaoran Li,"_ he had said finally. _"I'm—"_

Syaoran could still hear the disconnect sound.

"She hung up." He said. "I thought the line had been disconnected and tried calling her again." He laughed. "I was such a fool."

"_Hello, you've dialled 0044392810029. Please leave a message."_

A voicemail box had been the only thing he had left of her.

"Is she still here, in Glasgow?"

"I wouldn't know. I stopped searching three years ago."

Sakura brought her arms around him, pulling him in for a hug. Syaoran obliged willingly. A hug would be comforting, maybe even enough to—

"Why are you still calling her?"

Syaoran clenched his eyes shut, refusing to cry. He didn't deserve to cry. Holding on to Sakura tighter, he answered.

"I don't know."

*.*

Sakura put Syaoran to sleep before deciding to slip out of his room to the living room. There sat Mei Ling with someone next to her in the dark.

"I couldn't stand to be alone," Mei Ling told her as she switched on the lamp beside the couch. Sakura nodded and sat next to Tomoyo.

"Tell me," Mei Ling demanded. "Tell me why he's like that. At first I'd thought he's gone crazy. Then I thought it was my imagination but it isn't any of that, is it? He's been sleeping like the dead; and then he's awake at ungodly hours... sometimes for days at a stretch. He doesn't eat, ever. He can't account for where the money's been going. He's been losing weight... and his skin..." Mei Ling trailed off.

Tomoyo closed her eyes and relaxed against the couch.

"You knew," Tomoyo told Sakura. "You knew he was addicted."

Sakura nodded.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Mei Ling stood and screamed. Sakura hushed her.

"You can't wake him up," Sakura reasoned in soft tones. "He's—"

"Delirious! He doesn't even what the fuck's happening around him! How many times I must've excused his delirium for artist's crazy funk periods... and all the while he'd been taking _drugs_!"

Sakura smiled at Mei Ling. She lost count of how many sad smiles she'd given her.

"What's he on?" Tomoyo asked this time.

"Crystal meth,"

A sharp gasp was heard.

"Can Touya help?" she asked next.

"Only if Syaoran wants it,"

"Oh, he's going to want it." Mei Ling announced as she pulled out her phone. "I'm going to make sure of it."

Sakura and Tomoyo simply watched the worried cousin make the phone call.

"Fanren?" she asked into the phone. "It's Mei. I know it's late. Listen... I need you to come here on the next flight."

Sakura couldn't bear to hear more.

She'd failed.

Again.

_Come fire_

_Let it burn and love come racing through_

_Oh I'm still alive_

_I'm still alive_

* * *

**QUESTION**: What was for breakfast today?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Updating soon, so stick around.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	24. xxiii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, deadflo, Fashion Fairy 26, WalkingDead2130: Okay, I'm really sorry I couldn't update last night. The chapter was ready, but I just couldn't bring myself to edit it out. Sick. Lack of sleep. All the problems in the world.

Anyway, there is a long note at the bottom. Take some time out, read it, and thank you in advance. Thank you for your support. Thank you for reading and reviewing. Thank you.

Also, most of you don't have decent breakfasts! Ladies, please, eat a fruit, some toast and an egg with juice/milk. It kills our bones as we grow older, the neglect of breakfast. You can skip lunch and dinner, but not breakfast.

**Disclaimer: **You know none of this is mine.

* * *

_xiii._

_Listen to me now  
I need to let you know  
You don't have to go it alone_

_-_ **Sometimes you can't make it on your own/U2**

"Fanren told me she met her," Mei Ling told Tomoyo in the dark, holding her close as they slept together. "Xiao Lang's mom,"

Tomoyo said nothing.

"She told me that I... look like her." Mei Ling stammered.

Tomoyo looked at Mei Ling, her expression heartbreaking.

"Syaoran was high, Mei," she assured her with a kiss to her lips. "Don't... do this to yourself, he didn't even mean it."

Mei Ling didn't know what to think.

"Why do you call him Xiao Lang, though?" Tomoyo asked as she yawned.

"Uncle Rei changed his name to Xiao Lang after he was left with us."

"What is Syaoran then?"

"Syaoran was the name given by his mom..." Mei Ling trailed off before looking at Tomoyo. "She was born in China but brought up in Japan, I guess that's why it's a Japanese name."

Tomoyo sighed. "This is so twisted."

"It is,"

Sleep did not come that night as Mei Ling worried about her cousin.

She remembered five year old Syaoran picking up a paintbrush for the first time. Painting was everything to the boy who slept across the hall. He told her once that it distracted him, relieved him of all his worries.

It appeared even painting wasn't enough anymore.

Mei Ling silently hoped that Sakura was.

*.*

At about four o' clock, Sakura gave up trying to sleep. She looked at Syaoran next to her, his breathing even but his brow in a frown. Was he dreaming?

With a deep exhale Sakura gently got out of bed before giving Syaoran one look. She was only going to take a shower, but she still didn't want to leave him like this.

"_...and me,"_

She thought of his face as he spoke the words, as he told her about his father's revelation about his mother. Sakura had questions of her own now. Why? Why'd she leave? Did she marry someone else? Where was she now?

Sakura gasped when the bathroom door opened.

"Sakura?"

She calmed down a bit before responding. "I'm here." Syaoran must've been looking for her. "I'm taking a shower." She told him stupidly. She rolled her eyes. What else was she doing under the shower?

"Oh,"

For moments she just stood under the water before deciding to forgo shampooing. She was just about to turn off the shower when he spoke.

"Can I see you?"

Sakura stood stunned, the hand now frozen at the tap. Before she could respond, Syaoran slipped open the shower curtain and joined her. Sakura stood, back against the tap, as Syaoran looked into her eyes.

"You're wearing your clothes," she pointed out.

"You're not."

Sakura blushed furiously, trying her best to cover up. No man had ever seen her naked before, not even Yamazaki.

"Can I touch you?" he asked softly. He was completely soaked now.

"Syao—"

"Please?"

Sakura shut her eyes before nodding. She felt Syaoran's hands on her face.

"Look at me."

Sakura looked.

He felt her cheeks and brought her closer to kiss her. She could feel wet cotton against her body as he brought her leg around his hip. She could feel all of him now, it was something she'd never felt before. She didn't stop him.

Their kiss was tainted with the taste of something foul, but Sakura didn't stop him. He bit her lower lip, and then licked before biting again. It was all he did for a long while, under the warm spray of water.

"I can feel you," he told her before biting her neck. "You're here. You feel real."

"I am real," she assured him, worried that he'd been hallucinating. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I am now," he told her before licking one nipple. Sakura moaned.

"We have to talk about last night," she reminded him as he licked and then sucked. He didn't say anything as he dipped lower and lower, over the underside of her breasts and then her bellybutton.

Without warning he got on his knees and licked her. It made her throw her head back as soft whimpers filled the air. Nothing, not a single thing came to mind as he licked where no one had even been allowed to touch. She'd blanked out until he bent her knee over his shoulder. The sensation of his tongue against her made her feel lightheaded after that. So... _close_.

She gripped his hair tight. Nobody had made her feel so good before.

She came with a scream.

*.*

"No one's ever... done that before."

Syaoran glanced at her. She was looking at the floor.

"I've never..."

Syaoran felt a pang in his chest.

"Never?" he asked like an idiot. Hadn't she just said so? Slowly she shook her head. She sat on his bed wearing his robe with hands around the sash.

Syaoran turned away, facing the closet now. That made the guilt so much worse.

She's a virgin.

She is pure.

She's untainted... exactly the opposite of him.

"I'm sorry... I didn't realize."

"I'm not complaining." She told him. Syaoran could feel her grin even without looking. Somehow he worked his hands and slipped a t-shirt on. Sakura looked at him expectantly when he flopped on the bed.

"It was a mistake," he began, not knowing if he was talking about Nakuru or... "I didn't know what I was doing till it was done.

"A bunch of people from college were having a party, and one thing led to another. Before I knew it, I was high."

He couldn't tell her. It was too painful to think of losing her. She was everything, everything he wanted to be, everything he wanted. How could he lose her?

Sakura sighed.

"I gave you a chance."

"Sakura..."

"Mei Ling knows."

Syaoran sat up. "How?"

"You freaked her out and she guessed. Tomoyo knows too," Sakura said as she stood up and paced. "Your family... your sister is coming."

Fanren... it had to be Fanren. She was the oldest after all.

Syaoran said nothing as Sakura tipped his chin up.

"This is a good thing." Sakura said. "Meth... it isn't something to mess with. You're lucky you're still somewhat sane and alive."

Syaoran looked away as she spoke, unable to take it anymore. Guilt washed over him as he trembled. "I can't, I know I can't. If anyone finds out—"

"So what if anyone finds out? How can that mean more to you than getting clean? Don't you care about Mei Ling, about your family, about me? We're worried sick about you and what could happen to you. Meth has long lasting symptoms and this is just the beginning. Do you want this kind of life forever?"

Syaoran said nothing.

"_Touch me,"_

Even Sakura's warmth couldn't make him forget.

Sakura's soft sniffling turned his attention back to her. She stood away with her back to him now.

"I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again."

Syaoran had known... somewhere, deep inside, he'd known all along. Sakura was someone who wore her scars in secret, some place even Syaoran couldn't see. He tried to digest everything that had been said, but everything was muddled somehow. Seeing her cry... he'd never seen her cry. He couldn't bring himself to ask questions. He couldn't take it. He went to her and hugged her, trying to make it okay.

"Okay," he whispered to her before kissing her. "Just don't cry. Please. I can't stand to see you cry."

Sakura cried harder.

She'd lost everything to drugs, she'd said. What did that mean?

"You are so lucky, you know that? You've got a family who cares about you, even if you did lose your mother. How can you not care enough to get better for people you've known all your life? You're hurting them, me, everyone, can you see that? You'll keep hurting us by shunning us away for someone who didn't stick around."

It took every bit of determination to not cry with the green eyed beauty, now the most important in the world.

For her, anything, he would do anything.

_You don't have to put up a fight_  
_You don't have to always be right_  
_Let me take some of the punches_  
_For you tonight_

* * *

Substance Abuse.

Most drug addicts like to keep their addiction a secret. Common symptoms of an addict are (and generally not limited to) the following.

Bloodshot eyes, pupils larger or smaller than in appetite or sleep patterns.

Sudden weight loss or weight of physical appearance

personal grooming smells on breath, body, or , slurred speech, or

impaired in attendance and performance at work or

need for money or financial problems. May borrow or steal to get in

secretive or suspicious change in friends, favorite hangouts, and getting into trouble (fights, accidents, illegal activities).

Unexplained change in personality or mood swings, irritability, or angry of unusual hyperactivity, agitation, or of motivation;

appears lethargic or "spaced out."

Appears fearful, anxious, or paranoid, with no reason.

One big symptom among teenagers apart from these already mentioned: demand for 'privacy'. Shutting doors and locking themselves for hours is normal, but cause for alarm. They want to keep something a secret. Why? It may not be drugs, but what's the harm in keeping an eye out for the worst?

How YOU can contribute to Substance Abuse.

While you may not be the one who needs help, and you may even not be able to contribute directly to a drug help organization, you can make sure that others you know, friends, friends of friends, about the hazards of substance abuse. Some of the organizations are world wide present. Go like their pages on facebook and spread the word. Being aware and spreading awareness is one of the easiest ways to stop anyone from becoming an addict. Remember, no one's born wanting to be an addict.

**Addiction Services - Canada**

**Drug Abuse Anonymous- UK and USA**

**Narcotics Anonymous - India, South Africa, Australia**

**Myths about drug addiction.**

******MYTH 1: Overcoming addiction is a simply a matter of willpower. You can stop using drugs if you really want to.**

**********MYTH 2: Addiction is a disease; there's nothing you can do about it.**

**************MYTH 3: Addicts have to hit rock bottom before they can get better.**

******************MYTH 4: You can't force someone into treatment; they have to want help**.

******************MYTH 5: Treatment didn't work before, so there's no point trying again.**

Another place I recently discovered was** Heroes in Recovery**, which has a page on FB and has some eye opening stories of addiction on their website. Google them and check it out.

**Remember, you may not be an addict, but your mother's brother's sister's dog's uncle's best friend might be. Make a difference. Reach out. Do your bit and trust me, you will have changed many lives.**

**ALSO: Do you blog or write? Copy this and paste it in your blog. Try dedicating an article, story, blog to drug abuse and make people realize that it is not something that doesn't have a cure. The point is to reach out to people you don't know.**

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Updating soon, so stick around.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	25. xxiv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note:** xXBlossomofShadowsXx, teru21, petiteTRINH, deadflo, Fashion Fairy 26: Ladies, thank you for your patience! I'm sorry about this slightly delayed chapter.

Okay, for a week or so the updates will be erratic as I'm going out of town and I won't be able to reply to all your reviews. But you know how I feel.

Blossom: Hope you're reading this from wherever you are!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxiv._

_So close the blinds and shut the door_  
_You won't need other friends anymore_

-** Don't Leave Home****/Dido**

Syaoran hear the faint familiar ringtone of his phone over and over again. It was such a light sound and yet it woke him from the deep sleep he'd managed to fall into.

Cramped and numb he pulled away from Sakura's warmth and searched for the phone. Sometime passed before he realized the phone was probably in the backpack, the backpack he was soon to burn.

"_Touch me,"_

The words were branded into his mind, along with the guilt. He would go to hell for this for sure, but at least he had Sakura.

Syaoran couldn't imagine losing her.

The backpack lay on the living room floor. Mei Ling was dressed and ready to leave, drinking coffee with Tomoyo. He stopped short, wondering if they'd seen him yet, ready to turn around.

"Xiao Lang," Mei Ling's firm greeting came. Syaoran sighed.

"Hey,"

"Hey yourself, you look like the dead." She told him as he walked to the backpack. Unzipping it, he found the phone and brought it to his ears, waving back at Tomoyo.

So this is what the walk of shame felt like.

"Syaoran?" a male voice asked. "It's Eriol,"

"Hey, what's up?"

"Well, you were late for the first class and now Mr. Martin's asking if you sent in your confirmation."

"Huh?"

"You were selected, Syaoran, for the Exhibit?"

A bulb lit up in Syaoran's head.

"Really?" he asked dumbly before rushing to his room to pick up a pair of pants and change into a clean shirt.

"Really, now please get down here. Mr. Martin's having a stroke."

Syaoran gave a rushed okay and woke up Sakura. Mei Ling and Tomoyo had entered his room.

"I got it," he exclaimed as he jumped through the room on one leg trying to put on shoes. "I got selected!"

"That's amazing Syaoran! Congrats!" Tomoyo was the first to counter with a hug. Syaoran hugged her tighter than ever. Sakura grinned. Mei Ling was the next to hug him.

"You are in so much trouble, but I'm glad this worked out for you."

"I'm so sorry, Mei." He told her feeling remorseful. "I'm so, so sorry. I didn't—"

"You can make it up to me, you already know how." She kissed his cheeks and brought him in for another tight hug. Sakura stood beside the bed in Syaoran's shorts and t-shirt. The sight made him giddy.

"You look beautiful," he told her with a full kiss to her mouth. "This is all thanks to you."

Sakura narrowed her eyes playfully.

"Just go," she shoved him away after kissing him one last time.

The three girls were left in the room after Syaoran rushed out of the apartment. Mei Ling shook her head.

"What is it?" Tomoyo asked.

"I'm so sure he didn't even get to brush his teeth."

Sakura grinned. "He didn't."

Mei Ling left the room while making elaborate puking noises. Tomoyo eyed Sakura with a sad smile.

"He's agreed?"

Sakura nodded.

Tomoyo took out her cell phone. "I'll let Touya know."

Sakura went home to call in sick.

*.*

That night, the four of them sat around the kitchen counter with a few candles, thanks to Tomoyo, and ate dinner. Sakura cooked spaghetti and meatballs, Tomoyo brought chocolate pudding from a nearby bakery. They had water and cranberry twirls to drink.

They talked about Syaoran.

"I mainly got high to paint," he told Mei Ling and Tomoyo. "I felt like I was running out of inspiration... and getting high helped for a while." He looked at Sakura.

"How long have you been doing it?" Tomoyo asked.

"I did a bunch of stuff over maybe three years now?" Syaoran confessed. "Sometimes I had no control over some of the things I did when I was high. The worst was dad's death anniversary this year." He sighed before taking a bite.

"That's when you found me, Sakura." He told her without looking.

"Why didn't you call home, Xiao Lang?" Mei Ling asked sadly. "We would've been here with you; you could've avoided all of this."

Syaoran didn't really know how to say it, so he didn't. Instead he focused on continuing his story.

"It's been easier, though. I... don't think about doing it as much, but sometime's the urge is powerful, like when I'm around others who are doing it."

"No more of that, then," Mei Ling ordered.

"I... think you were hallucinating quite a few times, Syaoran." Sakura said to him. "Meth is known for that. Even after giving it up sometimes the delusions are long-lasting."

Syaoran took another bite. "I don't remember some things... there are gaps." He thought of his night with Mei Ling, then Nakuru. Bile filled his throat.

"I think you thought..." Mei Ling started. "... I was your mom."

"I'm sorry Mei," he said again. He didn't know it'd gone that far.

"I know you are." Mei Ling assured him with a kick to his shin. "No more, you won't anymore. We don't care about media or politics, we just want our brother to be safe and happy." Her eyes were shining with unshed tears. Syaoran nodded.

"Fanren'll be here in two days, so will Touya." Mei Ling told him then.

Syaoran groaned.

"He'll help you out with which organization to choose, what type of treatment you're interested in... he's the best at this." Tomoyo paused and looked at Sakura.

"You can pick an alias, most drug addicts do when they enter these types of programs. It only makes sense that you should too." Sakura finished as she rubbed his cheek sweetly. Syaoran had to smile.

"To recovery," Tomoyo raised her glass. "I hope you shine under your new name,"

"I hope you're never alone," Mei Ling raised hers.

"You will say no." Sakura demanded. "You will say no even if it means dying, even if it means losing everything, you will say no."

Syaoran grinned.

"To the power of no," he raised his glass last.

They clinked and drank, Sakura looking at Syaoran all the while.

So many secrets the green eyed beauty was keeping, so many embedded into her skin and deep into her subconscious.

He decided to let her come to him. There was no point pressuring Sakura for answers.

Much after dinner, much after Tomoyo and had left and Mei Ling had gone to sleep, Syaoran felt the familiar burn within him as he brought Sakura into his room.

"I don't regret it," Syaoran said to her between kisses, undressing her slowly, loving the way silken skin felt against rough hands.

"If I'd never started... If I wasn't high that day," he paused as Sakura brought his t-shirt over his head. "I never would've met—"

"Shh," she silenced him before unbuckling his belt.

Love... had this. Love was its own kind of drug, a drug that didn't need meth or a high to enhance an orgasm.

Everything was heightened. Everything was wonderful.

Everything was ecstasy when it came with love.

After a lifetime of searching, of desperate wanting... he found her. And he would do everything in his power to have her by his side.

That was the night Syaoran made the decision to never tell Sakura.

_Oh how quiet, quiet the world can be_  
_When it's just you and little me_  
_Everything is clear and everything is new_  
_So you won't be leaving will you_

* * *

**QUESTION**: What is your favourite book?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Update will be up soon. Check it out then.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	26. xxv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, petiteTRINH, deadflo, amelancholicangel: I know, I know. It's a late update. I'm on vacation and found a way to get online here at a cousin's place.

Thank you for your reviews ladies! You've made my days!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxv._

_"Recovery feels like shit. It didn't feel like I was doing something good; it felt like I was giving up. It feels like having to learn how to walk all over again."_

**― Portia de Rossi**

Sakura had dropped Syaoran off at the entrance of the subway before heading home. The boy had wanted to go paint for some time with others, keep his mind off the meth... and it was clear it wasn't happening at home.

Sakura had to get to her place and wait for Touya. She was so excited about meeting him this time. She wished Yukito could have made it too, but work was work. Sakura knew that well enough.

After reaching home Sakura made a short trip to the grocery store to pick up some essentials for dinner that night. She'd be feeding five of them that night, counting Fanren as well.

On the walk back home Sakura habitually looked up at Syaoran's balcony and did a double take. A woman... short brown hair and dressed in formals, stood with her hands folded. She looked over in Sakura's direction.

She smiled at Sakura.

Sakura couldn't help but smile back.

*.*

"Where is Xiao Lang?" Fanren asked as Sakura cooked her meal, roasted chicken and potatoes with garlic bread. She handed her a cup of green tea and biscuits and continued.

"He's gone to paint somewhere. He'll be back soon." She assured her.

The older sister looked wistful as Sakura cooked.

"How long have you known Xiao Lang now?" she asked first. Sakura sighed. Interrogating her was the first step in the ritual of girlfriend approval.

"About four months now," she told her without turning around.

"How'd you meet?" Fanren questioned.

"I..." she looked at her then. Fanren smiled.

"Obviously, the gory details are necessary for the real story."

Sakura inhaled. She hated doing this.

"I found him outside my apartment, probably on the same spot you just saw me." Sakura realized. How many times had she walked by that spot without realizing?

"Do you know how much Xiao Lang is worth?" Fanren asked then. Sakura frowned, turned the stove to low and turned around. She said nothing and instead waited for more.

"In pounds, he'd be well worth over one million." She quoted with one finger up. Sakura remained unfazed.

"Clearly Syaoran is entranced, what with the paintings everywhere, your face all over this apartment... my brother is in your spell.

"He has always had a soft heart, easy to fall for kindness and niceness. He has suffered a horrible childhood I would not leave upon any child. He will seek anyone out, be it the love of a woman, or the high of a drug." She paused to take a sip of the tea. Sakura still said nothing.

"You might be a distraction, a mere spectator in his life for the sake of his love, his money, his affection. If that is the case then I would like Syaoran to begin this journey without you, alone, so he can become stronger by himself.

"Tell me why I shouldn't doubt your reasons for being here."

Sakura stared at her. Fanren stared back.

"I have two brothers," she started. "... one best friend and a dog; I am the teacher of hundreds of children, each of whom I would do anything for. Across the street from your brother, I live the good life." She finished.

"You don't earn more than a few hundred pounds a month." Fanren pointed out.

"I could easily be a professor at any college of my choice, I have a PhD in English and yet I am a teacher by choice. My brother obtained a Masters in Aeronautical Engineering from University of Tokyo, while my other brother is a more than capable lawyer from Yale. Together we would make enough to live the life of a rich man's.

"My brothers gave up their own careers and started the APAA when I barely passed out from high school, just to help others instead of themselves. My brother, Touya, is on his way here as we speak just to help your brother because I asked him to." Sakura pointed at her.

"That may be a well thought out game play, a way to get your hands on my brother's money." Fanren countered.

"If I wanted your brother's money I would've had it by now." Sakura said haughtily now. "You're right, I'm the one on these walls, I'm the one in his heart... how hard would it have been to obtain a few millions from him already?"

Fanren looked amused. "You're one step closer to gaining my approval."

Sakura grinned.

Fanren couldn't help but grin back.

*.*

Syaoran sat with Touya at the coffee table after dinner, Fanren joined them as the others cleared up.

"I think it's best to start with a group therapy for now," Touya announced to the two of them as they listened intently.

"You'll have to be there once a week, sit through the sessions and listen to others speak. You can offer up something you want or just sit and listen. You'll be assigned a mentor, someone you will have to report to thrice a week for individual therapy and the best part; you get to stay right here, in Glasgow."

Syaoran sighed as Fanren clutched his hand in hers.

"No one will find out who I am?" Syaoran asked.

"Xiao Lang, it doesn't—"

"Big, it does matter and I know it does. Uncle Wei would be hit by this massively and his campaign would be affected." He told her responsibly.

"No one will know except Yukito, your mentor and me," Touya assured. "She'll be your guide through this whole thing here in Glasgow. Your confidentiality is her number one priority."

"Thank you, Touya." Fanren said after Syaoran had left to prepare for the next day. "Tell me what it is you do exactly."

"Well, we work majorly on spreading awareness; try catching our victims before they become victims. We have rehabilitation and self help centres that work with us if and when we come across addicts in need of therapy around the world."

"Where do you get the finance?"

"There are many interested in sponsoring APAA, be it rich, old individuals or other organizations dedicated to substance abuse." Touya finished off while observing Sakura from the corner of his eye. She seemed happier, lighter, as she spoke to her friends. Touya felt glad.

"How many of you form the APAA right now?"

"We started out small at our hometown in Japan, but now we have people from APAA in over fifty countries. So that would be three thousand people around the world." Touya watched as Syaoran went over to his sister and kissed her lips.

"How would you feel about Chinese political support?" Fanren asked.

His sister was hugging Syaoran.

"We can only accept your help unofficially, I'm afraid. We'd rather not be allied with political controversies and the sort." Touya responded. Fanren nodded and understood perfectly it seemed.

Syaoran looked at him then.

Touya did not let his stare falter. His eyes conveyed the message he did not find the need to put to words. Syaoran looked away with a frown.

The message was loud and clear.

* * *

**QUESTION**: Where was your best vacation so far?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will try updating at the earliest!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	27. xxvi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, teru21, deadflo: Maybe last chapter wasn't up to the mark. Hope you all connect with this one!

I've been writing again. Yes, being on vacation does that. Inspiration's on!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxvi._

_She says we've got to hold on to what we've got _  
_Cause it doesn't make a difference _  
_If we make it or not_

_- _**Living on a Prayer/Bon Jovi**

"Hello group, my name is Kaho Mizuki and I will be your group mentor." The woman with the horn rimmed glasses announced as the others took their seats. Syaoran took one right near the exit. "Let us say a prayer before beginning."

Everyone stood then. Syaoran stood along with them.

"Our Father, as we begin this new day, grant us the assurance of your presence so that we may face today - unafraid. Amen."

Syaoran didn't know the prayer to say it. A chorus of 'Amen' erupted as everyone took their seats.

"Seeing as this is a new group I would like everyone to say a little bit about themselves and tell us whatever they are comfortable sharing with us on the first day.

"As you all know, these are your group members, your support if you let them be. While we may not know your past, we do know we want what's best for our respective futures because we all have a common goal. We want to live life to the fullest, without hindrance from the drug we let ourselves get carried away with.

"Who would like to go first?" Ms. Mizuki said politely.

A petite girl with frizzy brown hair stood up rather confidently, almost within the second Kaho asked. She looked at everyone before addressing the group.

"Hi, my name is Chiharu,"

"Hi Chiharu,"

"And I used to be a drug addict." She finished off. The others remained quiet, as if waiting for her story. Syaoran realized that so was he.

"I used to live with my parents till I graduated High School. I left home and came here for college. That was when I started using.

"I started out like everybody else, in small doses and at limited periods of time, before I got wound up in it. Years passed and there was a time when I couldn't afford to buy myself some soda. I guess that's when I realized I was addicted. I didn't want soda as much as I wanted to get high. I didn't want food as much as I did the high.

"I tried to stop. Then I stopped trying to stop. It was so much easier just to give in, let the high take over and forget my parents, my marks, my teachers... everything. Even when things were going good and my grades were at an all time average I'd feel lonely and depressed, and so I'd let myself get high again.

"It was around the fourth year of college that during my self induced high I was raped."

Syaoran looked around for any looks of shock or pity. There were none. He supposed it was normal. What Nakuru did to him could be classified as rape.

"I was lucky; I did not get pregnant or contract any STDs. A friend of mine convinced me to get help, saying he would too." She looked over at a boy in the group. "That's the reason I've been clean for over seven months. Seven months, and I'm still standing.

"It wasn't easy. Weeks would pass where I would just go to sleep thinking about getting high and I'd get up wanting to get high. I moved back home for a while where I went to rehab for a year. I then came back here with a job in hand."

She sat down then. A boy stood up next.

"Hey, I'm Jordan." A contagious grin came onto his face as he spoke. "And I'm an alcoholic."

"Hey, Jordan,"

"Chiharu and I met in the dorm rooms when we were barely out of school. Don't be fooled by her cool as a cucumber persona guys, she packs a tight punch." Jordan joked. Chiharu smiled. Syaoran was amused.

"I don't really have a very unique story, you've probably heard it a million times over... I'll tell it anyway. I started drinking when I was thirteen. My first drink was a shot of tequila. Nasty as it was, I went back for more... and here I am." He gestured to himself. "My parents died in a car accident nearly two decades ago. I lived with my aunt till she passed... that was four years ago. The only family I have is a cousin in Yemen and this girl right here." He paused. "No, we're not dating. We couldn't be, I'd need a different gender preference to be with her." He wiggled his eyebrows at Syaoran. Offensive as it was, Syaoran still cracked a smile.

"It's not so bad, though. I don't have a dashing degree from college or even a glamorous job to look forward to, but I have friends. And I have a clean life. I've been sober for over two months now, and I'm hoping to keep it that way."

He sat down after that. Syaoran felt nervous. He was next.

He stood and spoke. "Hey... my name is Syaoran," he'd decided to keep his name. "And I was... a drug addict." He swallowed. Everyone was listening.

Dear lord, this was hard.

"I... gave up a few weeks ago when..." when what? "I..."

"Why don't you just tell us why you're here?" Ms. Mizuki said to him helpfully. Syaoran nodded.

"Okay... why I'm here..." Syaoran chuckled. "I'm here to stay clean. For my family, my friends, my girlfriend... I want to be the person they want me to be."

"Excellent." Ms. Mizuki clapped her hands and motioned to the others to take a turn to talk.

Syaoran couldn't concentrate on what they were saying though. His mind was elsewhere. What caused him to change, to come here and ask for help? He closed his eyes and let the disgust fill him up.

He was here because of Nakuru... because of what happened.

Admitting it was harder than he'd thought it would be.

*.*

Sakura came to the APAA and found the hall Syaoran was in. She peeked to see what was going on in there. He looked so awkward in there. Sakura peeked for a little while before walking to the front desk. The meeting was almost done anyway.

"Sakura?"

Sakura turned around and recognition filled her face.

"Yamazaki?" she came forward.

"It's been so long! How've you been?" he asked with a rub to her shoulder. She eyed the hand and smiled politely.

"I've been great. What about you? Still working with my brother, I see." She looked to the hall door and waited eagerly for Syaoran to come out. This was a conversation she could live without.

"Yup, still with him. I heard you became a teacher at a school."

"At Aloysius College, actually," she corrected. "Yeah, that's what I do." The door opened. Syaoran was the last of the lot to emerge out. When he saw her, he grinned. She grinned back.

"I've got to get going, it was nice seeing you." she said to Yamazaki abruptly and left.

"Hey," Syaoran said first before pulling her in for a hug suddenly.

"Someone's excited to see me." Sakura observed as she kissed his cheek and pulled away. Syaoran smiled before narrowing his eyes.

"Who's that?"

Sakura turned around to find Yamazaki looking at them. She smiled and looked away.

"An ex," she told him before holding his hand and walking to the exit. "Got any of those?"

Syaoran laughed and kissed her hand. "The exes talk... and here I thought you'd never gather up the courage to ask."

Sakura rolled her eyes. If Syaoran ever gave her a direct answer, pigs would fly.

"Keeping secrets I see," she observed as they sat in the car.

"No more than you, love." Syaoran retorted. "No more than you."

Sakura shook her head and pulled out of the parking lot.

_Take my hand and we'll make it - I swear _  
_Livin' on a prayer_

* * *

**QUESTION**: What inspires you?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will try updating at the earliest!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	28. xxvii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, petiteTRINH, deadflo, SweetSeductionCherryB: Do you know that I hail from a family of over forty cousins and somewhere close to double that number of nieces and nephews. Yes. I'm a freak.

I've got some terrific inspiration from all this vacation-ing! Are any of you on one right now? I know blossom is!

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxvii._

_I know where you hide_  
_Alone in your car_  
_Know all of the things that make you who you are_

**- She Will Be Loved/Maroon 5**

Sakura stood mesmerized by a jewellery store for a while before Mei Ling came to her side.

"What're you looking at?" Mei Ling questioned. Sakura shook her head with a smile.

"Those earrings..." Sakura pointed at a simple and small pair of emerald studs, and spoke. "My mum had a pair exactly like those..."

Mei Ling nodded. "Wanna go in and check them out?"

"I can't," Sakura answered. "It's already hell with the car repair job I've had to get done. I'm not asking Touya for money again." She stated almost adamantly before walking away. Mei Ling stood for sometime before dragging Sakura into the store.

"Well, I need to buy Tomoyo something," Mei Ling stated. "It's been two months since we started going out."

"Oh wow, that's kind of a big deal. What're you getting her?"

"A tiara,"

"What?"

"Just kidding, I'm getting her a bracelet." Mei Ling told her as they stood before a fine selection of gold, white gold and silver bracelets. A thin white gold bracelet with wings stood out. Sakura said so.

Mei Ling bought it within seconds.

"Let's go dancing this weekend," Mei Ling suggested as they walked up 5th Avenue searching for a reasonable bag store. Sakura thought about it. There would be no harm of it. No school, no test papers to grade, no remedial classes, and not many classes to prepare for... she was free this weekend.

"Where do you want to go?" Sakura asked as they scanned through various bags.

"I was thinking about this place called Classroom." Mei Ling told her. Sakura nodded.

"Sounds nice," Sakura wanted to roll her eyes. She knew she hated the dancing scene for a reason.

"Don't worry," Mei Ling nudged her. "It'll be fun. You'll have Syaoran."

Sakura groaned. "I completely forgot about that."

"What's the problem? You guys'll have a good time..."

"I don't... generally dance in public."

"You've danced on a stage?" Mei Ling asked curiously.

"Many times,"

"Don't worry; we'll get good and drunk so none of these public dancing inhibitions kick in. It'll feel like being back on that stage again."

Sakura groaned again.

That was what she was afraid of.

*.*

Syaoran watched Sakura for a very long time before Mei Ling came back to the table.

"What're you doing sitting here and watching us like a creepy old man?" she questioned with a loud voice.

Syaoran shook his head. "I just don't feel like dancing,"

For some reason, now more than ever, the guilt from what happened with Nakuru was setting in deeper and deeper. What _did_ happen? Syaoran himself could never really say because everything was so messed up. Most days the memory of that night was suppressed, like a bad dream.

Maybe nothing had really happened... he couldn't remember for a reason then. Syaoran scrunched his face up in irritation. As if the world was so kind. If only Nakuru Akizuki was that sensitive or considerate.

"What's bothering you?" Mei Ling asked.

"I just... don't want to hurt Sakura." Syaoran responded despondently. Mei Ling's eyes narrowed.

"What did you go do?" Mei Ling pounced immediately.

"Nothing," Syaoran lied. When he thought about it, it wasn't really his fault. He wasn't the one to initialize any of it and he was high as a bird. When he reasoned it that way he wondered if he could tell Sakura.

"It's nothing. I just don't want to lose her. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me." Syaoran told Mei Ling with a smile. "You won't believe it, but I haven't felt like smoking in weeks. It's like I'm a new man."

Mei Ling nodded with a grin. "She keeps you busy."

"She does."

"She makes you happy."

Syaoran laughed. "She does, though I don't know why she'd ever want to be with someone like me."

"First of all, there's nothing wrong with someone like you. I for one think Sakura's got some pretty incredible taste." Mei Ling paused to wink. "And how does it matter why?" Mei Ling questioned. "Do you know why you love her?"

"Of course I do! She's kind, gentle, beautiful..."

"Yeah, well, so are a million other girls out there, so why her?" Mei Ling pointed at Sakura and Tomoyo dancing. Sakura looked like she was trying too hard. She looked so uncomfortable.

It was endearing.

"I don't know,"

Mei Ling moved to sit next to him then. Having a conversation with loud music wasn't exactly easy.

"You met her, that's why. Not the others, just her. You know something else?" Mei Ling cupped his face. "She met you, not anybody else. Not other painters or addicts, not the teachers in her school, not men from the library or the restaurants she picks up takeout dinners from, you. She met you, and that's all that matters."

Syaoran smiled. "Sometimes you really know what to say, Mei."

"I try," she answered cockily. "Now let's go get some shots, I'm dying to see Tomoyo drunk."

After Mei Ling took a shot, and then two more, she carried two shots in hand. Syaoran followed with one.

Sakura drank all three.

Just twenty minutes of separation had felt like hours now that her body was so close to his as they danced to the loud, obnoxious music. So warm, so soft, so heavenly... Syaoran felt drunk even though he hadn't a drink that whole night.

One dance became many more as they twirled and swayed to random music.

*.*

"You're driving my car," Sakura observed with a strange look in her eye.

"I am." Syaoran smiled amusedly.

"I didn't even know you could drive!" Sakura exclaimed while pointing at the lights that passed by.

"We agreed I would be the designated driver tonight, Sakura. How'd you think I could do that if I couldn't drive?" Syaoran asked her as he turned left.

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Sakura mused. Syaoran grinned all the way to Tomoyo's house. It was a long drive to her place, and Sakura picked the music.

"_You're gonna wish you,_" Mei Ling sang.

"_Never had met me,_" Tomoyo and Mei Ling sang now. Sakura looked back at them.

"_We could've had it all!_" the three girls chorused. Syaoran couldn't help the smile on his face.

"Singing is fuck awesome!" Mei Ling swore. Sakura agreed with a vigorous head shake. Tomoyo had passed out by the time the next song came on.

The drive had been different... fun. For the first time Syaoran found himself having an amazing time and he wasn't even drunk.

"Bye, 'Moyo!" Sakura waved like a child frantically. Tomoyo had finished bidding her farewells and walked up the stairs to her castle of a house.

Syaoran dropped Mei Ling off on the street, made her promise to lock the door behind her and parked Sakura's car. Sakura was quiet then.

"I miss my mom," Sakura started. Syaoran turned the car off and turned to face her.

"She was so pretty," she told him with a look of remembrance. "Beautiful long hair, green eyes... she was so beautiful."

"What happened to her?" Syaoran asked. It'd been so long now that he'd wanted answers. This seemed to be his chance. Sakura seemed willing to talk, so why not?

"Breast cancer," Sakura told him solemnly. "It was so painful to see her like that, so weak. Sometimes I thank God for ridding her of that pain."

Syaoran shifted a bit to bring Sakura to his lap. With a deep breath she conceded and hugged him. For a long time that was all they did.

As he put her into bed he brought out the box.

"What's this?" Sakura asked with an inquisitive tone. Syaoran had always wondered how Sakura would react to gifts. It seemed she didn't mind.

"Open it,"

A loud gasp was heard before an excited shriek. Sakura jumped to Syaoran and laughed.

"How'd you know?"

"Turns out my cousin's nosiness has some use to it after all," Syaoran told her before pushing hair away from her face. "Let me put them on,"

With emeralds glistening in her dainty ears, the woman of mid twenties held the love struck boy close to her with a drunk smile on her face.

"You didn't have to," Sakura reminded him.

Syaoran traced her lips and thought of the first time she'd smiled at him.

"I had to, Sakura. Believe me, I had to."

This was nothing, barely a blip in his balance. He didn't bother telling her that and instead chose to kiss her smiling lips gently. He wondered how many such smiles she'd given him... there was no way to keep count now. He loved that. He hoped for countless more. After all, it was what made his days now. That small, innocent and accidental smile he'd stumbled upon by mistake was everything he worked towards now.

Legs tangled, bodies close, they slept in peace.

_I don't mind spending everyday_  
_Out on your corner in the pouring rain_  
_Look for the girl with the broken smile_  
_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_  
_And she will be loved_

* * *

**QUESTION:** It's a bold one, but tell me anyway. What was your first kiss like? Did I already ask this one?_  
_

I love being on vacation. I never want to go back.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will try updating at the earliest!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	29. xxviii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, petiteTRINH, deadflo, SweetSeductionCherryB, amelacholicangel, Mutsuki081211: You know what, reading all your reviews is the one thing that's pushed me to finish this story. If this story is ever finished and updated it's all thanks to all of you!

Special shout out to_ Cascada Azul._ You made my day.

I've heard a lot about many of your first kisses. My first kiss was sloppy, strange and alien. I did not like it. I think I took till the sixth kiss to finally understand why the hell people kiss at all.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxviii._

_Is this a dream?_  
_If it is_  
_Please don't wake me from this high_  
_I'd become comfortably numb_  
_Until you opened up my eyes_  
_To what it's like_

_- _**You Found Me/Kelly Clarkson**

"This week's been pretty hard," Rita Scarsby spoke this time. "My boyfriend of six years decided he was done with me and broke it off. There're so many complications that I don't even know how to explain why we're done. So much has happened, and neither of us can really be blamed.

"I almost did it, I almost drank, before I threw the bottle away and calling Kaho," she finished. "I guess there's no way of keeping it out. I'm fooling myself if I think I can just cut myself off from my own past. It happened, and even if I have given it up I know now for a fact that the urge comes back on the most unexpected days when you're at your weakest, when you don't have the strength to say no.

"I can't stop thinking about that moment just before I decided I needed a drink. It was so compelling, calling for me as I tried to resist." She looked at Kaho grimly and sat down. Syaoran felt sympathetic. He knew what the urge was like. It made even the nicest of people malicious if they wanted to sink their teeth into the oblivion of a high. Truth was the urge was forever there. It was only time that could dull its sharp claws.

"I think you need to go home for some time," Chiharu spoke. "You have a sister right? She'll keep you company till this passes."

"I just don't want to burden her. She's married with kids; she's got her own issues."

"Give her a call," Syaoran told her. "See what she says first."

Rika looked at him then.

"The answer is always 'no' if you never ask." He finished with a shrug. Rita nodded after a few moments.

"That's the end of our session for today," Kaho announced as she gestured to the food and drinks table. "Help yourselves to anything you'd like."

Syaoran nibbled on a biscuit while eyeing the door. Sakura was late.

"Waiting for someone?" Kaho sidled to his side without notice. Syaoran nodded.

"You gave Rita some good advice. You generally leave immediately after a meeting," Kaho stated. "Tell me how your week's been," she half asked, half ordered.

"Well, I've been focused on painting for most of the week," Syaoran started. "I'm never alone, really, so it's all okay."

"That's good," Kaho commented. Syaoran nodded as he saw Sakura waving softly at him.

"I'll see you in the next session," Syaoran told her. She handed him a card before he left.

"This is my personal number," she told him before smiling. Syaoran nodded and hoped he'd never find use for it.

*.*

Sakura was preparing a math quiz for her class as she eyed Syaoran painting in the far corner of the living room, his back to her. She watched as he stroked the canvas and brought blues and blacks to life. It was always amazing to watch Syaoran paint, right from the time she'd first watched him. It was relaxing somehow.

She walked over to him and placed a light kiss to the side of his neck.

"I missed you this week," she told him before digging her fingers into his hips gently. "What're you painting?"

"You'll see soon enough," he told her before kissing her fingers one by one and going back to painting.

Sakura sighed and pulled away.

"Can you bring me a fresh cloth from my closet?" Syaoran asked her as she walked to her place on the floor. She went to his room, stood at the open closet and searched.

"Try the drawers," he told her from the living room.

One drawer had underwear. The next had ties, cufflinks and other things.

The last one had socks.

There was the familiar envelope in which she'd kept Syaoran's sketch of her. She took it out and smiled at it.

"You can have it back, you know." Syaoran spoke from behind her. "I gave it to you."

"I'd like it if you kept it, actually." Sakura said thoughtfully while looking at the sketch. Syaoran pulled her into a hug.

"God, you were so beautiful that day," Syaoran told her with the sketch crushed between them. "Your hair wet from the rain, your eyes so angry... I thought you were going to whip me." He joked. Sakura for sometime wondered what he was talking about. After a moment's wondering everything was clear.

"I was surprised how much you remembered." Sakura praised. "You were so high that night. It's one of your worst nights with me yet."

Syaoran smiled. "Best night of my life, though." He told her before tickling her. Sakura shrieked and laughed before falling on the bed with Syaoran on top. Confidently, she brought a hand to his chest and traced.

"I'm surprised you don't have any tattoos," she told him then. Syaoran frowned.

"I never really thought about it,"

"Not even when you were high?"

"Nope,"

"Hmm," Sakura said before kissing his cheeks. They lay together on the couch and listened to each other's breathing as the sun set outside, bringing the sky to a pink and blue all at once. It was beautiful.

"I've always wanted one." Sakura admitted as Syaoran kissed her.

"Really, you wanted one?" Syaoran's eyes wide, eyebrows high.

"Yeah, maybe something meaningful... what would you get a tattoo of?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know. What would you get?" he asked her.

"I don't know either..." she trailed off and looked at Syaoran's painting. She thought of the one on the living room wall. "Maybe something of the rain,"

"Why?" Syaoran looked into her eyes.

"I love how it means so much to you," Sakura admitted. "It makes me happy,"

Syaoran laughed. "No one's going to tattoo the rain on you,"

"Maybe just the word 'rain' then," Sakura said thoughtfully. "Or I don't know..."

"Sakura," Syaoran interceded. "Tattoos are painful as hell. Are you sure you'd want to do that, let alone scar yourself for life?"

Sakura grinned. "What's life without a little pain?"

What was life without a little rain, too, Sakura thought.

Syaoran shook his head. "I'm wondering which one of us has more of the bad boy syndrome."

Sakura threw a pillow at him, moving to the kitchen to start on something for dinner. Syaoran went back to painting.

The blazing sun was now gone, bringing the sky to black, the air cold and dry.

After a light salad dinner, Sakura left Syaoran with a kiss at the front door.

The sketch was safely tucked into Syaoran's sock drawers once again.

_So, here we are_  
_That's pretty far_  
_When you think of where we've been_  
_No going back_  
_I'm fading out_  
_All that has faded me within_

* * *

**QUESTION:** What was your first love like?_  
_

I'm back from vacation. Man, do I love them. Family is so fuck awesome!

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating twice today! I'm sure that'll make a few of you happy! :D

Read and Review. Thank you!


	30. xxix

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, petiteTRINH, deadflo, teru21: It was a passing thought, really, to write about addicts and their effects on others. Who knew it would get 162 reviews and over 10,000 views?

My first love and I are still hanging on. Thought you'd all want to know. First love is some kind of witchcraft, isn't it?

Thank you, to everyone who read the summary and thought this story was worth reading till here. Thank you.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxix._

_I wanna take a lifetime to_  
_memorize your face_  
_Wanna hold you closer, kiss you longer_  
_Wanna hear your heartbeat..._  
_stronger and stronger_

_- _**(Wanna Get to Know You) That Good!/Shania Twain**

"Just... lay still Sakura." Syaoran told her as he tried to draw a rough sketch.

"It's difficult to lie down without moving when you're not a dead body, Syaoran."

"Why so snappy?" Syaoran smirked.

"I'm snappy because I want to get back to grading my quiz papers."

Syaoran put down his notebook and stood from his stool. He walked over to Sakura and leaned over her, simply rubbing his nose against her jaw.

"You'd rather grade papers than be here with me?" Syaoran asked hoarsely. The feel of soft skin was always so hypnotic. Her scent... it was as though nothing as good had ever been before. Just the smell of Sakura was so enticing.

Around his hips went her legs as they kissed. How long had it been since they last kissed? Barely two days, maybe, and yet was the feel of her against him as they tasted each other unexplainable. So very comforting, and at the same time arousing, was the feel, the touch, the taste, the smell. Everything, every little thing made her so very close to him.

Hands wandered as they fit together and brought every part against the other. For some time, they could pretend to be one as they moaned in each others' arms, now nibbling at any skin available.

Syaoran then held her legs distant by gripping under her knees and holding them apart, so grateful she came to him directly after work. It was because she wore skirts to work. Oh so beautiful and extremely tempting were the skirts that revealed flawless legs.

"Oh God," Sakura moaned, making him want to touch her, feel her wet and warm on his fingers. Just thinking of her screams from the last time they did this made him reach under the skirt and plunge deep.

It was barely moments later that his ideas came true. Screaming his name, she came.

"Maybe now you'll lie down still," Syaoran whispered as he kissed her.

"Hmm,"

Still and quiet like the world at night, to be precise, was Sakura as Syaoran sketched her after that.

It had been a wonderful night.

*.*

Syaoran's first one-on-one session with Kaho was grueling. It was a mandatory procedure to keep tabs on the ex-addicts and depending on the level of addiction, Syaoran learnt, the APAA made meetings for evaluations. Once a month was all Syaoran was required to fulfill, thankfully. Unlike sponsors, here group leaders took responsibility for every group member and made sure to keep long accounts of everyone's personal life. It wasn't something Syaoran was used to, sharing and the sort.

One-on-one was far worse than group, though.

"How much do you think about using?" Kaho shot at him. Syaoran blinked.

"Rarely, very rarely, actually."

"Could you rate the urge when you do feel it, on a scale of one to ten?"

"Uh, two. Maybe four," Syaoran wondered if he was even doing it right.

"How close are you and your girlfriend?" was her next question. Syaoran exhaled.

"How is that any of your business?"

"It isn't. You are." Kaho reminded him.

"I'm still getting to know her better," Syaoran started hesitantly. "I don't want to lose her."

Kaho nodded. "Would you say you love her?"

"She is everything."

Pause.

"Tell me about your family?" Kaho asked next.

"I have four sisters, a close cousin, and an uncle. That's pretty much it." Syaoran calculated. It was sad; never having met grandparents.

"Would you say you're close to them?"

"We are," Syaoran affirmed.

"Have you started therapy for their sake?" Kaho questioned.

"Well, yeah. They found out and here I am."

Kaho wrote in her notebook before shutting it and focusing her attention on Syaoran. Somehow he already knew that the next question was going to be a loaded one.

"What do you love to do?" Kaho asked. Syaoran sighed in relief.

"I love to paint,"

"When did you start?"

"I can't tell you exactly when I knew I wanted painting to be my life, but it is. Painting is everything to me."

"What's your favourite painting?"

Syaoran smiled. Nobody had asked him that in years.

"Starry Night by Van Gogh," Syaoran answered swiftly.

"Ah, Van Gogh's work is magnificent. My favourite has to be the Carnival Evening by Rousseau," Kaho told him. His eyes went wide.

"Are you a painter?"

"I have a keen interest in art, though I can't say I'm much of a painter. Are you showcasing your work anywhere?" Kaho asked as they stood and ventured into the corridors of APAA.

"I am, actually. I will be showcasing seven paintings at the Exhibit at the end of the year."

"I'm happy for you," Kaho told him.

"Would you like to come?" he asked her. "You can auction on the paintings you like,"

"I would be honoured."

Syaoran reached inside his bag for an invitation and felt a strange while handing it over. Suddenly it came to him.

How could he forget something so important?

"I have to go," he told Kaho. A wave and he was gone.

*.*

On the eve of Touya's and Fanren's departure, Kero's barking was over the top, and for good reason.

Mei Ling, Tomoyo, Fanren, Touya and Sakura sat around Sakura's dining table as dinner was served. Kero had to be locked away in Sakura's room, his barks still loud and clear. They decided to order out for Chinese food and have Sakura's homemade chocolate tarts for dessert.

"Okay, guys," Syaoran came back with envelopes in hand as he tried to quieten everyone down. Sakura had to laugh a little. This was the most excited she'd seen him.

"I completely forgot to give you guys this," Syaoran stated as he handed out the invitations. Sakura got one last.

"This is thanks to all of you," Syaoran told everyone as he finally met her eyes. She smiled. Wrapped in the envelope was a simple thick paper of invite to the Exhibit, Syaoran's showcasing debut.

"We are so proud, brother," Fanren told him with a hug. "We know how much you've worked for this day, and it is here. I am so happy to see you this happy. I can leave in peace, now." She patted his back for a long while before finally letting go. Sakura didn't expect to see any tears. Fanren was the oldest, and the strongest, she had come to learn.

"Congrats again!" Tomoyo told him. Mei Ling followed up with another hug. Sakura kissed his cheek and watched Touya stand up from his seat. She took a deep breath as they shook hands.

"Congratulations." Touya told Syaoran. Her love simply nodded with a smile.

"Let's go let Kero out, Sakura." Tomoyo nudged Sakura to her bedroom door.

When the two went to let the dog out, Tomoyo shut the door behind him after he ran out.

"Finally!" she exclaimed as she sat on the bed. "I haven't had a moment alone with you in a month now,"

"What's up?" Sakura asked.

"How're things with Syaoran?" Tomoyo asked. Sakura shrugged with a small smile.

"Good," was all she offered her best friend. Tomoyo didn't need extravagant confessions of love to understand what went on in Sakura's head. Their friendship was old, and easy.

"I'm glad. Is he taking the group therapy well?"

"He is," Sakura said with several nods. "He doesn't miss even one."

"I'm really glad, Sakura." Tomoyo said as she hugged Sakura. "I'm so glad this is working out for you."

"Me too, Tomoyo,"

"I mean, I know how much—" Tomoyo had been cut short by pounding on the door.

"What the hell are you guys doing in there?" Mei Ling's voice roared after incessant pounding. "You'd better be keeping your paws to yourself, Kinomoto!"

Tomoyo laughed.

Sakura snorted as she pulled away from the hug to see Tomoyo's wet eyes.

"Why are you..."

"I'm just so happy," Tomoyo told her. "And scared. Terrified, actually. For you, for me."

Sakura wanted to cry then too.

"Tomoyo!" Mei Ling's scream echoed.

"Better get out there," Sakura said as she wiped Tomoyo's tears. Tomoyo nodded.

"I'm here for you," Tomoyo told her. "I know we've been busy with our significant others but I'm still here for you, always."

Sakura nodded. "Right back at you, bestie," she told her with a pinch to her cheek.

Tomoyo had always been there, no matter the circumstance. From the day they met in kindergarten to the day Syaoran gave them invitations to his Exhibit, Tomoyo had been there. Sakura didn't doubt her best friend's loyalty even for a second. Nothing changed their relationship, not ex-boyfriends, not lovers, not even family.

Theirs was a friendship that was beyond everything. Nothing could change that.

_Wanna know you all over_  
_Till I know you by heart_  
_Gotta know you with all that I got_

* * *

**QUESTION:** Where is your best friend right now? Tell me about her/him.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating soon, I promise!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	31. xxx

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21, Zereith: I'm preparing to be hated.

My bestie is a blessing in disguise. Nothing could be as awesome as her.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxx._

_Your skin,_  
_Oh yeah your skin and bones,_  
_Turn into something beautiful,_  
_You know, you know I love you so,_  
_You know I love you so._

_- _**Yellow (acoustic)/Coldplay**

Syaoran gazed longingly at Sakura as she cleaned the kitchen counter twice over. Something about the way she was cleaning... made him want to get up and stop her, hold her, touch her. God, it was so ravenously tiring to be in love. Did it always feel this... exasperatingly good? It was like he was on a constant high, always, thinking about her, wanting to be with her, undressing her in his head and then dressing her back just to do it again. It was like he was someplace else, not on Earth, not with the others doing menial things.

No, Syaoran Li was busy loving Sakura Kinomoto.

Sakura was now loading up the dish washer. The clatter of dishes and things was annoying, but Syaoran barely heard it. The head of auburn hair locked away in a bun and a particularly enticing set of spaghetti strapped shoulders was all he saw. Before he knew it, he was up and ready to touch her.

Right behind Sakura he wavered. He needed to be more patient, a little less pushy. Alluring as she was, she was still a virgin. No matter how good her fingers felt on his scalp as they kissed and nipped and suckled, they still had boundaries; clear, distinct and very important boundaries.

A gasp, and then a shove back to the counter brought Syaoran out of his stupor. How long had been staring?

"Sorry," he mumbled before looking away at the clock on the wall. Kero had to be locked away while Sakura cleaned. Apparently the dog was in her way.

"Its fine," Sakura told him. "Honestly, there's no reason to sneak up on me."

Syaoran nodded as Sakura turned to wipe the stove, and then cleaned out the oven.

"You love to clean," he noticed. How long had that OCD gone by without notice? It was the sexy teacher allure that kept it from him, it and other secrets she was keeping.

"I don't love to clean. I like things clean."

"You also love to organize," Syaoran looked at the bookshelf on the far wall. It had all the books categorized alphabetically according to genre. Of course, there was the shelf with the children's assignments, book reviews, test papers, quiz ideas and what not. Then there was her weirdly colour coded and organized closet space.

Syaoran smirked.

Sakura was a freak.

"Not as much as your sister," Sakura turned to face him now. "No one organizes like Fanren Li,"

"No one but you," he told her as he stepped forward and smiled, their faces close, their bodies closer. "Kiss me,"

"Why?"

"Because... I missed you this week." Syaoran told her as he twirled one strand of hair around his finger.

"I missed you more," Sakura brought her lips close to his for a kiss before Syaoran pulled away. His mind screamed in agony as the slight distance between them brought him pain. It was electric, and somehow felt better than kissing or even touching.

Slowly the bun came lose as he removed the clip that restrained her hair. It fell clumsily over her shoulders as he lightly touched the nape of her neck, enjoying the way her eyes closed as they grinded. A small feel of desperation clawed at him, wanting to move things along. She was here, she was willing and she was his. What more did they need?

"Kiss me," this time it was Sakura who said that. Syaoran smiled teasingly. His tongue traced the plump of her lips as they each felt warm skin beneath the layers of clothes. Syaoran arched back at the feel of her nails grazing their way across his back. Dear lord that always felt so good.

"You know, this friend of mine said something very interesting once," Syaoran started with a slight husk to his voice. Sakura brought his face close to hers with a firm grasp. Even his blood was aching for the kiss now. Why, though? Why did the need to kiss Sakura feel so overpowering?

"He said that I might've found myself a muse." Syaoran told her and watched her expression.

"I'm sure you've had a million of those," Sakura brushed off before loosening her hold on him and ready to let go. Syaoran brought her back with force.

"I didn't believe it," Syaoran said. "Muses are supposed to be... enchanting, mind boggling and... well, I found it many times over, so you're right. I did have a million and more muses."

Sakura didn't look at him now.

"You're the only one who's actually made it on to a canvas though, let alone my living room wall."

Sakura looked at him then. Syaoran wanted to smile, but the sight of her lips made him dizzy. Knowing how good each kiss felt was intoxicating. Every little kiss was breathtaking.

To test the waters, just to see if he could resist, he brought his lips to Sakura and lightly kissed her. A light kiss that could barely even be counted for a kiss and yet, the feel of breaking the kiss was painful. It was electric and intense, unyielding in its hold for the other. It didn't fade as the seconds passed and only made him ache.

"Do you feel that?" he whispered to her as they kissed once more and then twice... then again and again and again. Breathlessly he kissed with her with the resolve to break away, to stop and put some distance between them.

One more kiss, he told himself. Just one more...

"Do you feel your pulse spike every time I bring my lips closer to yours?" Syaoran asked with his lips near hers. Then, again, they kissed. "Does it hurt when I stop?"

Sakura made to kiss him, Syaoran pulled slightly away.

"Do you feel it?" Syaoran asked her as their eyes met. Sakura nodded.

"I can't stop," Sakura whispered as she brought his mouth to hers in a way that brought pain that could easily be mistaken for pleasure.

"I can't stop," she told him as he took off her flimsy top and unclasped her bra.

"So good," Sakura assured him as he carried her off to the couch, half naked as well. "It has never been so good."

"Hmm," he agreed. Nothing can ever be this good, of that Syaoran was sure.

This couch, right here, in the middle of Sakura's organized mess, was officially Syaoran's happy place.

*.*

Sakura was supposed to pick up Syaoran from the college gate. She lost her way, fumbled through the roads and fought with the map app on her phone before somehow making it there. She parked and waited and watched as some students walked into the campus. Should she go see if he was still in there? No, he'd come out when he was done.

After typing out a text stating she was there, waiting, she sat and simply listened to the old Frank Sinatra CD she'd found in Syaoran's apartment. Who knew Syaoran had it in him?

Looking at the rear view mirror she caught sight of a girl following a boy just outside the college gate. Sakura smiled. It was Syaoran.

A little frown settled on her brow as she saw them talking, probably even arguing. Syaoran was faced away from her now, and Sakura wondered. She decided to check it out for herself.

She walked to them with care, knowing Syaoran didn't generally mingle with anyone. His friends were... few in numbers, as far as she knew. Maybe a girl from his class?

"...would it be... if you just—"

"No!" Syaoran's shout was clear and loud. "I fucking said no, so will you fuck off?"

Sakura was slightly taken aback. She'd never heard him curse at anybody like that.

"Really, Syaoran, you're making a scene. And please, don't pretend as though you didn't like it." A deep, British accented voice replied. Sakura didn't like that voice.

"I don't fucking remember it to like it, I was that high." Syaoran shoved her away as she came to him.

"How could you not remember?" Sakura didn't like the girl immediately after the way she'd said that sentence. Sakura now stood a few feet away from them, waiting for Syaoran to finish.

Finish what, exactly?

"I just don't,"

"Why not try to recreate the memory then?" the girl used a tone that bordered on desperate and brought her hands around Syaoran's waist.

"That was the last time I got high, Nakuru, and that's definitely the last time I ever touch you."

The gasp was involuntary.

Last time he got high?

"_It was a mistake,"_

Sakura stepped back as Syaoran turned around and walked forward, the mystery girl now frozen in place.

"Sakura!"

"_A bunch of people..."_

Why did this somehow feel like a betrayal? She took one look into his eyes and hated the way he was shaking his head, like he was denying what she was thinking.

He'd...

"Sakura let me—"

"I have to go. I'll- call you."

Sakura took the whole ride back home, alone, with not a sound in the car to finally realize that she'd been the one to say that.

_Do you know?_  
_For you I'd bleed myself dry,_  
_For you I'd bleed myself dry._

* * *

Will it help if I say it might get better?

Might.

**QUESTION:** Has your better half ever made you jealous?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	32. xxxi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, PrincessNevermore, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21, Zereith: Love is such a strange thing.

I'll be honest, I'm not a good person when I'm jealous. I once scared this girl half to death with my threats. She almost went to get a restraining order. Yeah. Not my best moments. I regret it, I really do. Felt good, I'll admit, but I still regret it.

Longest chapter yet. Tell me what you thought.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxi._

_And now I try hard to make it_  
_I just want to make you proud_  
_I'm never gonna be good enough for you_  
_I can't pretend that_  
_I'm alright_  
_And you can't change me_

_- _**Perfect/Simple Plan**

"Sakura!" the pounding on her door was incessant. For two days now it'd been the same way. The boy came to her, pounded on the door and finally took leave when he pleased. She'd ignored his texts, his voicemails, his emails and even him. She knew confronting him was in line, but wasn't sure what to confront him of.

Where had she given him the chance to speak at all?

"Sakura! I know you're there, Sakura. Open the door, please." He was begging. It made her shiver. He was begging her.

No.

"Please, let me explain."

Sakura was very, very tempted to open the door at that. Explain... he wanted to explain. Sakura wanted an explanation... and then what?

"Sakura," his voice was low now as he banged on the door once every three seconds. Yes, she was counting elephants in her head, warding off the urge to bring him into the apartment. His eyes would gaze into hers as they stood apart, the distance creating the familiar buzz between them. She could already feel it, the need to be with him.

"Open the door, Sakura!"

Sakura closed her eyes and put the earphones on before lying down on the bed. It did a lot to shut out the noise from the outside. She knew he was still out there, though.

The familiar cello music of Bach came on as she turned to her side and let herself cry. Every little tear that escaped made her heart sink even further into the place of no return. It was like someone died. It was losing family.

It was losing love.

Sakura felt tired, her eyes stung and her head throbbed. Yet, she cried.

This was one big messy mistake.

This... was this her fault?

_Nobody can, sweetheart._

It was a premeditated warning, so long ago that it almost felt surreal now. So this was loss.

So, this was what misery felt like.

A long time ago, when the world was filled with butterflies and lush green grass Sakura had discovered the tip of the iceberg, the brief feeling of misery. She'd thought nothing could feel worse. The nights would wear on, and the days would bring no relief as she tried to survive and fight every second as it came on.

She'd lost, and she'd thought that that was misery.

Sakura closed her eyes and felt the burn under her eyelids, knowing Syaoran was still out there, banging on the door, pleading for her to open it.

At the end of it, it always came down to this.

She'd thought she knew.

She couldn't have been more wrong.

*.*

Between the many texts of Syaoran's filled with apologies, demands and requests came two texts from Mei Ling and Tomoyo. Sakura didn't want to know what Mei Ling's had to say. She checked Tomoyo's instead and promptly deleted them all.

**I'm coming over tonight.**

**-T.**

Sakura wondered if Syaoran had told Mei Ling... About whatever had happened. She doubted it a second later.

"_...the last time I ever touch you."_

Touch... just the word made her think of Syaoran. The boy had touched her in ways no one else had, made her feel so good... so special.

No, it wasn't just how good his skin felt on hers. It wasn't about kisses and embraces either.

Touch... was such a strong word.

Had he enjoyed their time together, touching her?

He'd had the red haired girl to touch... to love. Why Sakura then?

Sakura called in sick that day, for the second time that year, and spent time with Kero, pampering him with massages and treats as she flipped through magazines and browsed the internet for captivating games.

Tomoyo let herself in at exactly quarter to six, throwing her keys onto the table before walking into the bedroom. Sakura only had to meet her eyes before pushing the bed covers off to go hug her best friend.

All day she'd spent in bed. She didn't bathe, she didn't eat; she didn't bother with anything but distraction.

Tomoyo cooed as she cried.

It had been such a long day.

*.*

"You still haven't told me what's wrong," Tomoyo said as Sakura ate a greasy slice of pizza.

"I don't want to talk about it just yet," Sakura told her.

"If you tell me, it'll help you."

"I'll tell you when I'm ready." Sakura assured her. Tomoyo sighed.

"Come here, Kero." Tomoyo called out for the dog. He leapt onto her lap before licking her face.

"I'll go bring some wine. I want to be good and drunk by the end of the night." Tomoyo announced before picking up her keys and walking out the door. The door didn't even close before Syaoran's voice boomed through her apartment.

"Sakura!" he screamed before stopping short at the sight of her. She felt tired, angry, unsettled.

"Can we talk?" he asked her uncertainly.

Tomoyo stood behind him now, her chin high on alert.

"Are you clean?" Tomoyo asked him.

"Of course I am,"

Sakura huffed. Things were very different less than a month ago. Not even she could have guessed.

"Sakura, can we _please_ talk?" he begged this time. Sakura nodded slightly after exhaling. Tomoyo shut the door behind her when she left.

"Look, Sakura, I need to tell you—"

"Did you sleep with her while you were with me?" Sakura asked first. It wasn't anything but confirmation. She already knew.

"I-don't—know."

Sakura looked up at that. "You don't know." She repeated dryly. "Tell me what you do know."

"Maybe," Syaoran said with his hands in his hair. Sakura narrowed her eyes.

"Maybe?"

"I was high, okay?" Syaoran paused to pace. "I was high and I was so lost, I think I did sleep with her. I don't know for sure, I have bits and pieces of that night in my head and I'm not sure anymore. I don't remember and I don't want to remember." He turned to face her now.

"I'm sorry, Sakura. I'm sorry I didn't tell you and I'm sorry I lied, but I did not want to be with her, Sakura, not then and not now. She was... she threatened me. She was going to tell you, find you, and I didn't want you to know. I know it sounds... I don't know how to tell you that I did not want to even be there that night."

Sakura stared at him blankly before letting the words sink in.

"I love you, and I missed you so much these past few days. I just wanted to see you, kiss you, hold you and be right here."

Sakura didn't realize how much she wanted that too.

"I know it sounds inconsequential, but it was not mutual, Sakura. I did not want her. I did not want to **do** whatever I did end up **doing** that night. It was not something I chose; I swear my life on that."

Sakura still said nothing, trying to process.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she finally asked.

"I didn't want to lose you,"

A simple answer to such a question... there was no correct answer though. Anything he'd said would be fallible.

"We..." Sakura started. Syaoran stopped.

"Please don't," Syaoran was now at her feet, kneeling. "Please don't leave me. I am sorry, and it will never happen again. Not if I was high, not if I wasn't. That was such an ugly and dark part of my life and I don't want to go back there, ever."

"How long have you known her?" Sakura asked instead.

"Three years,"

"And you've been with her before?" Sakura asked curiously this time. Syaoran sighed.

"We weren't... I was just—you'll think less of me. You will judge me. I can't stand for that. I'm not in that place anymore, please, you have to believe me."

Suddenly, it was all very clear.

"So you were having sex. Were you in love with her?"

"No," his answer came with a firm tone.

"Was she a friend?"

"No,"

Not a friend, not a lover.

Syaoran was so much worse than Sakura had first thought.

"So you used to get high together," Sakura realized. That's why. "You used to get high together and have sex."

Syaoran looked away.

Sakura finally understood.

"How many people did you sleep with under the effects of a drug?" she asked.

"Just her,"

"How many people have you slept with?"

"Two,"

"Were you having unprotected sex?"

"No, never,"

Sakura said nothing as he sat on the floor now, right next to her feet.

"Who's the second girl?" Sakura asked, knowing it wasn't her right to ask or to be the least bit jealous or disgusted.

She'd be number three.

He would have number one.

For her, he'd have been the first.

"Alicia Gerardy. We dated in senior year in high school. She was my best friend's sister. A twin, actually."

Sakura didn't say anything more. Syaoran held her hands in his.

"Please, Sakura. I know things look bad and I look weak, but I'm trying to change for you. You mean everything to me; you know how I feel about you.

"I love you. _Please..._ let me be a part of your life. Please," he begged again.

Sakura felt sickened.

He loves her?

He'd never said that before today.

Today, he'd said it twice already.

"I don't think it's a good idea anymore,"

"Sakura, please,"

"You were in pretty deep before I came along. How can we go back now? I'd never look at you the same way. You could do it again, and I'd never know. I'd be paranoid about it, suspicious about it. I'd never let you breathe easy. Is that what you want? For me to doubt you all the time?" Sakura asked without looking at him.

"Have you no faith in me now?"

"I don't think faith has much to do with it."

"If I can stay clean, will you consider being with me?"

Sakura looked at him then.

"I don't think I can ever look at you the same way again," Sakura said again. "You're... different. I thought we could try. I thought you and I could try being happy. I thought I could help you, love you. I thought I had the strength. But I thought you were someone else."

"But I am that person, Sakura." Syaoran sobbed in her hands. Sakura felt tears falling quietly down her cheeks. "I am that person, and I can be that person with you. _You_, Sakura. You make everything worth it. You make life worth it.

"You made me worth it."

Sakura cried quietly as he spoke. Her resolve was unbreakable.

"It doesn't matter, I don't think I can trust you now." She told him with finality.

If it happened again, Sakura wouldn't forgive herself for trusting him.

If it happened again, she'd have been a fool to trust him.

Sakura knew better than to trust a drug addict twice.

All things considered, they had a good few months together. How long had been they been together? It didn't matter, it was a good time.

Love was never forever anyway. Nothing was.

She let Syaoran cry in her lap for hours before letting go and retreating to her room. She closed the door, snuck into the covers and sank into the pillow when she heard the front door open and close.

He was gone.

Probably, forever.

_Nothing's gonna change the things that you said_  
_Nothing's gonna make this right again_  
_Please don't turn your back_

_I can't believe it's hard_  
_Just to talk to you_  
_But you don't understand_

_'Cuz we lost it all _  
_Nothing lasts forever_  
_I'm sorry _  
_I can't be perfect_

* * *

**QUESTION:** What's the worst way to break up with someone?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	33. xxxii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, PrincessNevermore, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21, Cascada Azul, lhaine07, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Finespun, SexyJilliane12: You guys have officially blown me away, with your compliments and words. I can't believe how many good things you've all had to say about me and this story.

Thank you. Thank you so much.

184 reviews and 14000 views. Can't think of a better way to tell you how much this story's gotten in these few months of publishing on FF.

The worst way to break up is to lose touch, not talk it out and just break... without reasons, without explanations. Relationships, feelings, is all we have left sacred. If that were taken away, what we have that's worth living for?

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxii._

_The taste of your breath, I'll never get over_  
_The noises that she made kept me awake_  
_Oh_  
_The weight of things that remained unspoken_  
_Built up so much it crushed us everyday_

**-Won't Go Home Without You/Maroon 5**_  
_

Syaoran sat alone and miserable in his room for days. Life had become a very depressing ordeal all of a sudden, in a matter of minutes really. Unpredictable was a good word to describe it now.

For days he kept himself idle, hoping and waiting for something... anything that would lead him back to Sakura. It was all so clichéd, the familiar ache in his chest, the hurt and discomfort he felt thinking of the most important woman in his life. Granted, it took only six months, lesser in fact, to make Sakura that important to him. Did it matter, really, how long it had been?

She was gone, and she had made no indications of wanting him in her life again.

Classes were a bust, as Syaoran could barely keep up with his professors or his paintings. Truth was he had no zest left to paint. As far as he could tell, his painting career was as good as over. The Exhibit was around the corner, and Syaoran was moping around Glasgow. The grass wasn't as green anymore, and neither was the rain beautiful. Now, the rain held no real feeling, only cold and wet was left in its wake. The rain had become too painful to bear with.

The urge was back with a vengeance.

Group sessions were going on as usual, and while Kaho had guessed that something was amiss with him, he divulged nothing. Not when there was still the smallest glimmer of hope that Sakura might come back. It was a small shred of insane hope, but it was worth living for.

Back at home he sat facing the balcony, waiting for Sakura to come out and gesture for him to come see her. It'd take him less than thirty seconds. He should know. He did test runs.

Paint brush in hand one dull, rainy Thursday afternoon Mei Ling had had it.

"That's it," she flung her bag down on the couch before flopping heavily on it. "You have to tell me what the hell is going on! Sakura won't talk to me, Tomoyo won't fucking tell me what the deal is and I'm so sick of seeing you like this.

"Why did you guys fight?"

Syaoran didn't bother turning around from his empty canvas. Was it so long ago that he couldn't paint without the high from a drug? It felt like eons ago... and he craved for it now more than ever. On it, he saw green grass and blue skies with Sakura turned away, far away from where he was. Sakura was in a place he could no longer get to.

She wasn't his anymore.

"Xiao Lang,"

The name made him clench his eyes shut for a few brief moments. It was true; he took Syaoran as his official name after his dad had told him everything. Two women, there had been two women who'd abandoned him. Both of them were supposed to be the most important, the most vital. Both of them left.

Syaoran debated his mother's reason for leaving now. After all, he was the reason why Sakura had left.

One of them stood in the painting he set out to paint. The brush touched the grassy green on the palette and made it to the canvas with a smooth feel. It was going to be beautiful.

Mei Ling sighed and left the room, slamming the door behind her for added effect to show she was pissed with Syaoran.

Syaoran painted in an unfamiliarly eerie quiet.

Brush.

Stroke.

Paint.

Fill.

Every blink drove him closer to wanting the high once again, and this time for very different reasons. This time, it wasn't just for inspiration. This time, like some other times, it would be a distraction.

Paint.

Brush.

Stroke.

It was a cycle he repeated on and on before completing the painting six hours later. He wanted to start on the one with her in the rain again. Was the one he painted on the ceiling of the subway ruins a good start?

He would need to visit there soon.

*.*

Lillian Fitzgerald's number was listed, thankfully, and that's how he'd been able to get hold of her. Mei Ling was at a shoot, and he knew he couldn't trouble her. They had yet to sort out their issues and Syaoran contemplated on whether or not he should tell his cousin the truth.

A small conversation and a fifteen minute drive later, Syaoran found himself walking through the subway to the familiar painting spot with the girl with pink streaks in her long blonde hair.

"Thanks for this," Syaoran told Lillian as they walked through the passageway to the spot. "I didn't have a ride."

"It's alright Syaoran. What're friends for?"

Syaoran sighed. Lillian was a friend.

Were Sakura and him ever friends?

"So what's going on with you these days?" Lillian tried to make small talk. Small talk was always such a dangerous endeavour. Syaoran learnt that the hard way.

Nakuru became an acquaintance because of this useless small talk.

Syaoran sighed. "I got selected for the Exhibition."

Lillian slapped his back. "Dude, that's fantastic! Well done," she paused before frowning. "You don't sound too happy about it though. You do know what a great opportunity this is going to be for you! Have you decided which paintings to put up?"

Syaoran shook his head.

"Hmm," Lillian stopped and put her things down on the ledge before shuffling through her things. "Why not?"

Syaoran didn't bother with an answer to that.

"I think I'll try doing some work,"

Two hours later, he'd done no work.

"That bad huh," Lillian observed as he forced himself to paint something. An ugly hue of what looked like a yellow canary stared back at the both of them from between a parody of the Mona Lisa and an abstract collage.

"Is that supposed to be Big bird?" Lillian asked. Syaoran thought she must've been joking.

It took some time to realize she wasn't.

"I have a strange feeling that this has something to do with Miss Sakura,"

Syaoran looked at her.

"So it does," Lillian confirmed. "Did she reject you?"

Syaoran looked away.

"Oh," Lillian pursed her lips. "That's far, far nastier. I feel for you, boy. The timing couldn't have been worse."

"I don't really care about that," Syaoran stated. "If not anything else, I'll work on something I've already put together... make it worth the Exhibit. I'll do it... somehow."

Silence engulfed them both. Breathing the musty smell of rot and rust was beginning to become tiresome. The air should not smell like death down here.

"So you miss her."

"Like you wouldn't believe,"

"Oh, I'd believe. She is a charmer, Miss Sakura, weasels her way under everyone's skin." Lillian sounded like she knew what she was talking about.

"Miss Sakura met me here about two years ago, when I was still in senior year trying to decide how to tell my scientifically inclined father that my interests were elsewhere. She was so supportive about it, even offered to talk to my parents. In the end, I was the one who did it, but I couldn't have done it without her."

"I thought Sakura taught English,"

"She did. I took English as my 'easy' elective. Miss Sakura makes English anything but easy, though." Lillian chuckled throatily. "Total pain in the arse that teacher is when it comes to grading, by the way. Don't be fooled by the angelic green eyes and nerdish looking glasses,"

Syaoran smiled. Sakura did look nerdy in glasses.

"Let's walk back. You don't seem to be getting much work done here."

"Actually, I feel a lot better but I guess we should make a move back." Syaoran agreed before grabbing his things. Lillian did the same.

The walk back was less awkward, but still rigid. Somehow, there was something else left to get out of the way. Syaoran couldn't bear to make more conversation though.

"You're kind of cute," Lillian told him. Syaoran groaned internally.

"I hope you're not hitting on me now. You know I'm in love with Sakura," He didn't need some student of hers hitting on him, not now, not ever probably.

"Get your head out of the gutter! I just meant that I see what Miss Sakura sees in you. You're passionate about art; you've got this whole mysterious aura thing going on and you're not hard on the eyes. Girls love that kind of thing, obviously." Lillian put it out as though he was woman hunting man whore.

"I'm not some mystery to solve, everything's pretty much out there." Syaoran said grumpily, realizing the only real mystery about him was the drug he hid behind. He clenched his eyes shut, feeling guilty for wanting to use. He breathed deep and easy, thinking of his family, of Sakura, of the promise he'd made. Was he willing to throw away all this work? Finally, he'd got ahead of it and this was how easily it snuck back?

Was it only Sakura who could make him a man worthy?

"I wish Sakura saw me that way though, as a mystery. Or I wish I wasn't a total dumb fuck when it comes to her."

"That's hard," Lillian broke him off. "Miss Sakura's too smart to not be intimidating, so don't worry about it."

In the car Syaoran wondered if there was a time when Sakura did not intimidate him. From the time they'd met to the time she'd found out about Nakuru, Sakura was calm, composed, and that was irritating as hell. There was no way that woman felt anything but proud, standing on her pedestal and looking down on the others with a laugh. She was perfect. Nothing had ever gone wrong with her life. She'd had no glitches at all.

She was fucking perfect. Suddenly, everything he loved about her, he wanted to hate.

"Do you want to paint together?" Lillian asked as he moved to get out of the car at his apartment entrance. Syaoran sat back in.

"I don't mind giving you company while you wallow in your break up. I kind of feel bad for you. You have the Exhibition coming up and you're wasting your time. Besides, I don't like painting alone. My recent painting partner left the country, so if you don't have a problem with—"

"Okay,"

The girl could talk. A lot.

Lillian grinned.

"Okay then, you have my number. Give me a call."

Syaoran couldn't find it in him to smile. He got out, shut the door and waved goodbye, all the while eyeing Sakura's balcony.

So this was what he was reduced to. Finding people who could distract him from the hideousness he'd become. Was that why he'd met Sakura in the first place, because he was hideous? How could she say she loved someone like that? Did she ever really love him at all?

Did Sakura hate him now?

There was no real way of knowing. Sakura kept her secrets hidden well. No matter how much of her weaknesses he knew, keeping things safely locked behind flesh and blood seemed to be what Sakura bested at in college... or high school.

Or maybe she was simply born with the gift. Keeping secrets, hiding things...

Syaoran shook his head. As if he didn't know how to keep secrets himself.

Sakura would hate him now. He was sure of it.

_Of all the things I felt but never really shown_  
_Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go_  
_I should not ever let you go, oh oh oh_

* * *

**QUESTION:** What's your favourite CCS story on Fanfiction?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	34. xxxiii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, Cesia 14, PrincessNevermore, RandomSam123, Gina, deadflo, teru21, Cascada Azul, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Finespun: The biggest smile on my face, the best feeling in my heart, and I have all of you to thank for that.

My favourite most best Cardcaptor Fanfiction has to be Pleasure Slave, by Capitalist. It's on Adult FF, it's a little out there and different from what we usually read, but it's the best work yet. If you're not into yaoi and the likes, it might take you a while. It sure did take me some time, but it's brilliant. Give it a shot. I promise you, you will not be disappointed.

Also, check out Peacewish's work on FF. She's the BEST. The absolute Best. Her best work on FF has to be Wild Flower. It took me a while to be able to pick a favourite from her work. But there's no doubt about it. There has never been and will never be a better author than her.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxiii._

_Everything's falling, and I am included in that_  
_Oh, how I try to be just okay_  
_Yeah, but all I ever really wanted_  
_Was a little piece of you_

_-_ **Be Be Your Love/Rachel Yamagata**

Syaoran knew it was a long shot, a shot not worth the effort, but he had to. It was killing him from the inside now.

How bad would it be to just get high one last time?

After class he kept his eyes open for John, then Rika. Wherever Rika was, John was never too far behind. Looking out for a head of red hair was much harder than he'd thought it'd be.

Nakuru had a similar hair colour.

Sakura had auburn hair...

Could he not go one moment of the day without thinking about Sakura?

Finally, after much pursuit, he found her on a bench in the campus courtyards. He narrowed his eyes. She was alone. That wasn't a good sign.

"Rika," Syaoran greeted with a nod. "Know where John is?"

Rika looked away solemnly. "You didn't hear, I'm guessing."

"Hear what?"

"He got busted," Rika affirmed his fears. "Two days ago,"

Syaoran exhaled. "How bad does it look for him?"

"Pretty bad, considering,"

Syaoran sat next to her on the bench. "I'm sorry, Rika."

The girl sat without tears, probably spent and done for the time being. Apparently looking indifferent and strong was the easy way out of this whole mess she'd got herself into.

Maybe Syaoran should have tried that instead of this.

What was he even doing here?

"I'm sorry, Rika. I was looking for John for all the wrong reasons," Syaoran confessed to her with a pat on her back.

"Who isn't?"

"You weren't." Syaoran reminded her.

"Don't be so sure."

Syaoran smiled. Strong and tough, through and through, was Rika Sasaki. Never a moment of frailness from the fake red haired graphics designer.

"He was a good guy, smart too. He'll work it out."

Rika looked up at the sky. "Doesn't matter, we're done."

Syaoran looked at her. "You broke up?"

Rika sighed. "I've been thinking about it for months."

Syaoran shook his head. Girls... so fucking unpredictable all the time.

"So once you're through with the high, you're through with the guy?" Syaoran questioned. Rika rolled her eyes.

"Look who's talking,"

"I thought you were in love with John."

"I thought he was in love with me," Rika shrugged as she pulled out a cigarette box. "Turns out Nakuru's got them all wrapped around her fingers. You should know what that's like."

Syaoran felt his fists clench involuntarily. "Nakuru and John... since when?"

"Since she moved back to Glasgow, it seems. They've been sleeping together a while now."

"I'm sorry, Rika," Syaoran sat looking out to the green grass.

"It's fine. John was just a substitute for you, in any case. It's not like she loved him or anything. Rat bastard got what he deserved."

Syaoran found so many things wrong about that statement she'd just made.

"Substitute?" Syaoran asked. For the first time, a ball of cotton lodged itself in his throat. What did she mean by that?

"It was clear as day that Nakuru was still hung over you,"

Syaoran felt sick. "I never loved her."

"Didn't say you did,"

For some time they sat in the silence, basking in the afternoon sun whilst enjoying the way others moved about, unconcerned with what was happening on that concrete bench.

"If you need anything, I'm here."

"I think you need more help than I do," Rika glanced at him as he stood to walk away. "I'm sure you weren't looking for John for lollipops and candy canes."

Syaoran sighed. "Momentary lapse of judgment... won't happen again."

"I hope so, for your own sake."

Syaoran strode forward to call Mei Ling for a ride. Things had been tense between the two cousins, but right now he had no choice.

He didn't look back.

*.*

Truth be told, the withdrawal symptoms everyone had been hammering about had been easy enough to deal with. Yes, it was much harder the first time he'd tried to quit, and it only harder still the second time. This time, though, with some help from Sakura initially, he'd managed to curb to smoke marginally.

If only she was still around.

Syaoran did what he did every day. He walked into his apartment, threw his things on his couch and walked outside to the balcony and sat in the spot that Sakura had been sitting in that early morning not more than three months ago. The evening chill was unbearable, but he sat there anyway. After a while he got up, went to the confines of his room and tried to paint.

Painting was suddenly a very difficult thing to do... alone. Painting had been difficult to do alone for a while now, but now... it was impossible. So he called in for reinforcements. A bit different from his usual routine but he was trying to fit it in.

_"Hey, this is Lillian Fitz. You'd better get ready, the beep's coming up right about-"_

_Beep_

"Lillian," Syaoran spoke to her answering machine. Why couldn't the girl keep a cell phone? "It's Syaoran. I'm painting tonight at my place. Come if you need company." He wanted to say please, but he didn't need to beg. Walking to his closet he hung up. After shuffling through his sock drawers, he flung onto the rumpled sheets and mattress and observed the small glass pipe in one hand.

Thinking about smoking only made him feel guilt. This was what had got him into this whole mess, why he'd lost Sakura.

How could he still want to smoke?

_Could you rate the urge when you do feel it, on a scale of one to ten?_

Eight. The urge was a big, fat and roundly shaped eight today. He was sure of it.

The doorbell distracted him. How long had he been staring at the pipe? He stashed it back in its place and went to open the door.

*.*

"So what do you do now?" Mei Ling asked Lillian as they shared dinner together.

"I'm doing many things. I'm trying to work as an intern for a photographer who's interested in doing some work on body-art. I'm trying to keep my snivelling parents at bay, but let's face it, no pay check, no security, and no respect from your parents." Lillian eyed Syaoran then, between bites of her burger. "What I'm really trying to do is find a muse, really, something to get me started, to get me going."

Syaoran snorted.

"Something funny?" Lillian questioned him. Syaoran grinned.

"You're wasting your time if you're looking for a muse," Syaoran told her. "They're a potty bunch, the entire lot."

"Tomoyo called me her muse only hours ago," Mei Ling told him. "Are you calling me potty?"

Syaoran laughed. "You give Tomoyo a good time, there's no doubt. You're inspiring her to do some good work. That doesn't mean you're going to be her inspiration forever." Syaoran paused to look at his food.

"Of course not!" Lillian stated with a crunch of a potato chip. "No one's ever had just one muse, no real artist anyway. We're all humans Syaoran; we've got to have something new. Otherwise where does the inspiration strike up from? The same old boring whatever it was definitely didn't help you with this right here, on the wall, did it?" Lillian pointed at the wall with the painting.

Mei Ling's eyes shifted in a way that showed that something had occurred to her.

"It was Sakura," Mei Ling said cautiously, scared he would pounce on her if she used her name. "Wasn't it?"

What was Sakura?

Syaoran closed his eyes. "It doesn't matter. She's not coming back."

"How do you know, Syaoran? You guys have fought before, maybe if you just went and spoke to her—"

"Because I slept with someone else, Mei, that's how I know." Syaoran screamed, a vein pulsing at the side of his neck. Never had he wanted to tear something apart, not before that moment. He was so angry, so angry he could break through that damned wall with that stupid painting. He was so angry he could get high again; this time it would be little effort and no guilt whatsoever.

Mei Ling stood, her chair screeched against the floor at that, and walked away from the table without another word.

Lillian stayed quiet.

Syaoran sat back down with his face in his hands, ashamed. Confessing to Mei Ling was so much harder than he'd thought it'd be.

"I don't believe it." Lillian started. "The man who drew this painting was quite surely transfixed with the woman in it."

"He was also very high." Syaoran spoke before he knew it.

Lillian didn't say anything to that.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore." He told her, pushing his plate away. Lillian picked up the leftover of her burger and chewed.

"You were high during this cheating incident, I'm guessing?" Lillian asked casually. Syaoran nodded.

"Ah," Lillian wiped her hands with a tissue. "Getting help?"

Syaoran nodded.

Lillian smiled then. "It's time to move on, then." She stood and stalked off to the couch. Syaoran frowned, wondering what the hell she'd meant by that.

"Here," she told him while handing him a brush, a bucket of black goo in hand. "Let's get started."

Syaoran took the brush and stood. "What are we doing?"

"We're going to get rid of this painting," Lillian stated, dipping a brush into the bucket. Syaoran shook his head.

"No!" he cried out. "This... this painting... it's all I have left." Of Sakura, of life, of love, Syaoran wanted to say, but he held back.

Lillian scoffed. "If that's true, Syaoran, then you really need to rethink your life."

Syaoran stood with a hole slowly eating into his heart. This painting... this was where it had all started, how it had all started... and now, he was supposed to tarnish it?

"I don't like the thought of leaving these walls bare," he tried to find an excuse, something, anything that would keep this painting intact.

"Who said we're going to leave the walls bare?" Lillian frowned. "Jesus, man, you assume so many things."

"What?"

"It's called redo, Syaoran. Can you do that?"

"What?"

She thwacked him with the paintbrush. "Can you manage to repaint this wall... do this _again_?"

Syaoran looked at the wall again before coming up with an answer. "I don't know. I was high at the time."

"Okay then, look at the painting, erase it, and then redo it. If you can't even do a decent redo when you're sober, I can't imagine you're a very good painter."

Lillian wasn't wrong... she was twisted in her thinking and probably had some serious sociopathic logic behind the statement she'd made, but she sounded reasonable enough. He'd done it; he could see it... all he had to do was do it again.

"Okay," Syaoran conceded. "But I do the painting,"

"Yes, boss."

Four hours later, a bit after one o' clock in the dead of the night, Syaoran placed a blanket over Lillian and sat on the couch next to her. He watched the smile on her face grow wider.

"Finished?" she asked him with a yawn.

"Yup,"

A few moments passed. Syaoran never heard a thing from her. He looked at her now, eyes closed and lips parted as she slept. Had she even seen it? It didn't matter. Syaoran looked back at his creation, feeling elated. It had felt just as good as painting it the first time, even without the high. Syaoran highly doubted he'd felt as happy painting it the first time.

Happy... he hadn't thought of being happy in a while now.

Syaoran sighed as he held his pillow close, trying to drift off to sleep, still able to smell Sakura on it. With Sakura, he'd been happy. He'd even realized it, prayed on it, hoped it would stay with him, that happiness... Sakura. Sakura had been the best thing, the only thing, that had made him feel this good, that could ever make him feel this good.

Syaoran gripped the pillow tighter.

Why?

Why her?

Why did it have to be her?

*.*

Mei Ling smelt the fresh paint and looked at the sleeping girl on the couch. The wall... something was different about it. She went to take a closer look.

Sakura wore a blue dress with what looked like a man's coat on now, instead of the skirt and blouse and cream coloured coat she'd worn before in the painting... she still stood with her back turned, her long hair in a bun this time.

Mei Ling left the house with a smile, remembering the taunt she'd thrown that night that'd left her brother sleepless.

It was done now, though, and it was no longer her business.

_Everybody's talking how I can't be your love  
But I want want wanna be your love  
Want to be your love for real  
Want to be your everything_

* * *

**QUESTION:** How old were you when you first watched Cardcaptor Sakura?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	35. xxxiv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, PrincessNevermore, Gina, TaraRae89, amelancholicangel, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21: I'd first watched CCS when I was 11, and I haven't gone back since.

I don't know what a world without CCS is like.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxiv._

_When your love is pouring like the rain_  
_I close my eyes and it's gone again_  
_When will I get the chance to say I love you_  
_I pretend that you're already mine_  
_Then my heart ain't breaking every time_  
_I look into your eyes_

_If only I could get through this_

**- Gotta Get Thru This (acoustic)/Daniel Bedingfield**

That day at school had been tough. One of her students had been in possession of heroin.

Sakura sighed. His locker was being searched.

He was such a bright kid.

It was déjà vu.

At lunch, she'd found him sitting with a cop in the principal's chambers.

"Can I talk to you?" she asked him, sitting next to the two now.

William Grant was a good looking seventeen year old, brilliant in her English class, and in the Math class, she was told.

Why did it happen to the best of them?

"Why do you want to talk to me?" he asked her defiantly. The cop sat looking at her strangely.

"Because I know what you're going through,"

Will snorted.

Sakura sighed. "After you're done with jail time, and the drugs, come see me."

She stood up.

"Wait, that's it?" Will looked at her like she'd lost her mind.

"Is there something else I should be saying?"

Will shrugged.

Sakura brought out a business card and gave it to him. "If you think you can't talk to me about it, you should call this number."

Will narrowed his eyes at the number.

"It's my brother. He'll help you out,"

Sakura felt numb during the car ride home.

How many, Sakura wondered. How many before she would finally crack?

Her life had been meaningless, a mess, a useless nothing. Her childhood had been a grimy one, her love life had been sad if not nonexistent, till Syaoran...

Till Syaoran had come along to change that.

_"I just wanted to see you, kiss you, hold you and be right here."_

Then, he took it all away.

Sakura would never forgive him for it.

*.*

Grocery shopping had been liberating. Sakura had bought all the junk food and chocolate in the world. It was fun.

She hadn't had fun in a long while.

At the frozen foods section she ran into Yamazaki.

Of all the rotten luck.

"Hey, Yamazaki." Sakura smiled in greeting as she picked up some ice cream.

"Hey, Sakura. Fancy meeting you here,"

Sakura wondered if the day could get any worse. "Just grocery shopping. What're you doing here?"

"Can't say. Top secret stuff." Yamazaki made to zip his lips. Sakura laughed.

Secrets were always _top_ secret, weren't they?

"Okay, I won't ask."

They chatted about things that didn't matter, their jobs, their professional lives. Things were as superficial as could be. It was always easier that way.

After paying their bills they parted ways. Sakura exhaled in relief before making the long walk home.

"Sakura!" Yamazaki shouted from a little ways down. Sakura's shoulders were tense as she turned around.

"What're you doing tomorrow?"

Sakura stood still as he walked toward her.

"Let's go bowling," he told her. "Bring your friend from the other day,"

Sakura growled low. "We broke up."

Yamazaki backed up. "I didn't realize... I'm sorry."

"It's fine,"

"Bring Tomoyo then," he tried again. Sakura wanted the ground to swallow her up right then. "Come on, Sakura. We're friends, aren't we?"

She nodded reluctantly.

"We'll meet here and go together."

Sakura walked away before giving into the urge to stab her ex-boyfriend.

Manslaughter wasn't good on anybody's resume.

*.*

Syaoran and Lillian had gone to a little taco stand for dinner. After a long day of painting in the ruins, the two had decided they needed a little time before getting back there again.

Syaoran realized he painted best in the ruins. He shifted his painting material there, along with his canvases. He only ever went home to have a bath and pick up some food.

He'd avoided Mei Ling like the plague.

"What colour would you give my aura?" Lillian asked between bites. They now sat in her car with the heat up. Syaoran shrugged. It'd been two weeks of Lillian's strange questions and weird etiquette. It wasn't... all that unbearable to bear with. She was a good person, of that much he was sure.

"Maybe pink?"

Lillian laughed obnoxiously. "Pink?" she tugged on her hair and held some strands up. "Seriously? Could you be anymore clichéd?"

Syaoran smiled. The pink in-your-face streaks made it impossible to say any other colour. "Okay, what do you think my aura colour is?"

The girl looked thoughtful.

"Brown."

Syaoran laughed.

Lillian shook her head furiously and changed her decision.

"No, no. Will you stop laughing, you nincompoop? I take it back; your aura is green,"

Syaoran stopped laughing at that.

"Why green?" he questioned her.

"I don't know... wouldn't you say your colour was green?"

Syaoran sat stiffly with his taco in hand.

Green... like Sakura.

"It's just a colour, Syaoran." Lillian assured him as she wiped her hands on some tissue and offered him the tissue box. Syaoran took it and sat quietly as they drove back into the city.

Syaoran looked out to the black, cloudy sky. It hadn't rained in a while.

At every signal Syaoran noticed how the colours changed from red, to orange, to green. Green... Green was the colour of growth, of prosperity, of growth, of fame. Green was the colour that said yes, that allowed you to go through traffic signals.

Green was the colour that defined Syaoran's life.

It used to be, anyway.

Now, his aura was just shades of grey.

*.*

The weekend brought with it drizzles of rain, cold and wet against Syaoran's skin as he ran to Lillian's car with his painting material. Lillian slammed her door shut just after Syaoran had entered the car, both of them heaving and laughing.

"Damn, that was cold." Lillian said before turning up the heat and then turning to face him. Syaoran smiled.

"Tell me what you loved most about Miss Sakura," Lillian spoke low. Syaoran's smile faltered.

"Her eyes," he told her without missing a beat. "She had the most beautiful, green eyes."

Lillian smiled. "She is very pretty. I love her skin,"

They sat in silence after that.

"I think it's time you made up with your sister," Lillian suggested as she revved the car to start. "You've avoided her for a week now,"

A week was nothing. Syaoran had gone years without talking to his family. It was a door shut firm, a door that sealed away the best parts of life, his life.

He thought that had been the loneliest part of his life.

"I guess you're right."

The drive home was relaxing. Syaoran knew he'd have to talk about everything this time, and he was preparing himself for it. Mei Ling would listen. She was his sister, his favourite sister. She was there for him, always. She would understand him.

She always did.

At a stop sign Syaoran looked at the people crossing the road, umbrellas overhead.

A couple stood out the most to him.

He sat up straight in his seat.

"Is that—"

Yes, yes it was.

In the familiar peach coloured coat Sakura crossed the road... with the ex-boyfriend. Syaoran tried to remember if Sakura had ever told him his name. She hadn't.

Syaoran watched as the two walked, steps in sync, laughing at something together. Syaoran felt the anger instantly. He made to open the door.

"Don't." Lillian's voice was stern. "Don't go out there, not now."

"She's—"

"Listen to me, Syaoran." Lillian ordered after locking the doors. "Going out there and throwing a jealous fit won't win her back. Not now, not tomorrow, not ever."

Syaoran grit his teeth.

He wanted to go out there. He wanted to punch the man that was holding Sakura like she was his. He wanted to kill him, in fact.

Syaoran closed his eyes, hating that his sense of peace had been taken from him in a matter of thirty seconds.

He wanted to get high. Yes, that was what he wanted... to forget, to let go, to cover up. He wanted a distraction, something that would rid this sting.

How long had it been since he'd last seen Sakura, been with her? More than a month now...

How long had he been clean?

Too long.

It'd been too long.

"Take me home,"

Lillian drove without another word.

*.*

Syaoran found his pipe and stared at it for many minutes. He wanted to feel the high the pipe promised, the good and long feel of delusion that would allow him to forget everything. It was well over nine in the night.

He then went on to looking at the portraits of his parents on the wall.

Syaoran felt the familiar prick in his eyes before he cried.

So this was what he was reduced to.

Tears rolled down mercilessly, making him feel worse than he had when he realized his own mother wanted nothing to do with him.

"Xiao Lang?"

He closed his eyes at the name.

His father would be so disappointed.

"Where were you? I've been worried sick." Mei Ling sat next to him now. "Why are you crying? Why are you—give me that." She took the pipe from him without another word. Syaoran let his tears fall.

"I miss her," he told Mei Ling. "I miss her so much that I just want to forget, Mei." He turned to face her then.

"Let me get high, just this once."

Mei Ling looked taken aback.

"Please. I can't take it anymore."

"Xiao Lang," Mei Ling started.

"She's moved on, Mei!" he screamed in agony. "She's moved on, and she's happy!

"She doesn't miss me. She doesn't think about me. She hasn't thought about me. And here like a fool I thought she'd call me, maybe talk to me... maybe want me back? But no, that wasn't it. All this time I'd been patient, and she's done.

"It feels like... it feels awful, Mei. I don't feel good. Nothing feels good anymore."

Mei Ling looked scared when she pulled Syaoran in for a hug, letting him cry on her shoulders as she tried to comfort him, for what had been the umpteenth time in all his life. Syaoran thought he was over her, that he'd finally accepted it. No, he hadn't. All along he'd simply been waiting for her to come back to him... to see things the way he saw them.

Suddenly, though, he saw his ex-girlfriend, his only ex-girlfriend, in a new light. It'd been something of a revelation really, something that made him see. She was fallible, stupid, weak. She had gone back to the ex-boyfriend, to her ex-boyfriend. How many had even been there? While she'd managed to weasel information out of him, he'd never had the chance to ask her those questions. How many people had she been with before him? How many of them did she love? Did she kiss them, touch them, let them touch her?

Suddenly, Sakura Kinomoto didn't look all that perfect.

Maybe it was while Mei Ling soothed him with words he wanted to hear, or maybe it was while he was forced to walk to the kitchen for food. He couldn't be entirely too sure when the thought had crossed his mind, but it had. And now, it was there to stay. The thought that maybe she didn't want him as much as she said she did, the thought that maybe she'd been waiting for him to stumble and fall, just so she could have that look of righteousness in her eyes.

Mei Ling and Syaoran ate some dumplings for dinner before they both settled on the balcony with some covers. It was freezing cold, with winter setting in slowly. Syaoran had insisted they sit there. Mei Ling complied.

Syaoran told her then. The truth, everything that he'd kept from her.

The details were gory to listen to, even though he'd heard it in his head over and over.

Mei Ling did not judge him as he'd thought she would. She didn't say anything, to be exact. She only listened and then patted his hand... in understanding?

"I'll tell you something I think you should know," Mei Ling told Syaoran. It made him fearful. This didn't sound too good.

"Sakura... isn't exactly wrong." Mei Ling said cautiously. "I guess... I guess I wouldn't trust you too."

Syaoran blanched.

On the inside, he felt his blood run cold, his heartbeat furious.

Mei Ling didn't say it, but the words were clear as day.

Sakura wasn't coming back.

Syaoran registered that it had started to rain when they went back inside. He stood for many minutes with hands outstretched, feeling the rain fall softly against his skin.

Many nights ago, on a rainy night like this one, Syaoran had met the love of his life. True, he'd never realized it then, but that didn't change the fact.

On this rainy night, he'd realized that she was gone, for good. There was nothing he could do to change that. There was nothing that could make him feel good anymore. Not family, not painting, not the drugs.

Nothing was worth it.

So why couldn't he just get high anyway? It wasn't like he had anyone to disappoint. Sakura wouldn't even know, wouldn't care even if she did know.

"_You will say no."_

For the first time in a long while, Syaoran didn't want to say no.

"_You will say no even if it means dying, even if it means losing everything, you will say no."_

Syaoran forced himself to not think of the things she said, to not think of her voice, her lips, her skin, her. The kisses they'd shared in the dark as he felt her touch on his chest, his belly, his hands. Being angry with the woman he loved, with the only woman he'd ever loved, was far, far harder than one would think it was. He couldn't stop thinking about it, whether it was the angry, irrational thoughts, or whether it was the easy, loving ones. Most days he chastised himself for thinking of her so.

Tonight, though, was a different story. Tonight he would think of her how much he pleased.

It was all he had left of her, after all.

Mei Ling stood behind him quietly, watching him watch the rain. He could feel her gaze on his back.

"With or without Sakura, you have to choose to fight," she reminded him. "I wouldn't blame you if you gave in now, but I know my brother isn't a quitter,"

Syaoran begged to differ. He was a coward, a loser, a quitter. He wanted to cower behind the drug so badly that he almost did two weeks, or so, ago. He'd been lucky. Would he have used if he'd gotten hold of John?

Syaoran stood in the rain for hours, just like he had that night.

The only difference was that that night had held the promise of Sakura in his life.

_Give me just a second and I'll be all right_  
_Surely one more moment couldn't break my heart_  
_Give me 'til tomorrow then I'll be okay_  
_Just another day and then I'll hold you tight_

* * *

**QUESTION:** Who would you say you have hated the most in your life?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	36. xxxv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Finespun, brightestoflights, Gina, amelancholicangel, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21: The only person I'd come to resent the most is surprisingly the person I know I love the most.

That thing about the thin line? It ain't a myth.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxv._

_Made a wrong turn, Once or twice_

_Dug my way out, Blood and fire_

_Bad decisions, That's alright_

_Welcome to my silly life_

**- Perfect/P!nk**

"Last night, I almost used again," Syaoran spoke before anyone had been asked to speak, before Kaho had even greeted them. "I know I'm speaking out of turn, but I have to get this out before I decide against it."

Everyone remained quiet. Jordan looked at him curiously while Chiharu and Rita sat next to each other and looked at him glumly. There was a man he'd seen before but couldn't put a name to the face, along with a new girl.

"My girlfriend left me, and it looks like she's with someone else now. I guess I deserve it; I'm not really boyfriend material, when you think about it. I've made some fucked up decisions when it comes to girls, and let me tell you something, girls are a whole lot more confusing when you're using.

"To summarize, I slept with my ex while I was with my girlfriend. Yes, I was high. Yes, I don't remember what the hell happened that night. No, I did not want it to happen, but I probably participated anyway. I don't know what to do, but I know this is very fucked up. Hell, I'd break up with me if I could. Now all I want to do is give up, get high and just fuck it. I don't care anymore, about anything, about being clean, about this group session thing, about life in general.

"It was so simple. I had two things I had to give priority to, just two small little things. And I couldn't even keep up that much. All I had to do was keep my girlfriend happy, which also includes not _cheating_ on her, and paint my way to graduation." Syaoran paused to laugh humourlessly. "All I had to do was that much. I messed up. I messed up my chance to be with the best girl in the world. I'm messing up my chances at the best showcasing in the country. I'm messing up my chances of even remaining a credited painter.

"I couldn't paint a decent painting without getting high, that's how I started getting high in the first place. It was so simple, get high, paint and get good grades. Then I met her, the smartest and prettiest woman in the world. Yes, she's a woman. She's older than me, and she's wonderful. She's why I'm here. She's the reason I'm hanging on by a thread. She taught me how to have sober fun, how to live without getting high, feel good without getting high. I owe her everything. Everything I am now is thanks to her.

"How do I repay her? I get high; I cheat her and break her heart."

For some time, Syaoran wondered if there was much else to say.

"I'm so angry, with myself, with that other guy, with her. What do I do now?" he asked helplessly, needy and sad. "How can I paint when I'm so messed up? I can't even think straight anymore, let alone paint. Sure, my family's got my back, and I've got... friends backing me up. But so what? She's gone, and she's not coming back. She's even moving on, and why shouldn't she? She deserves to be happy.

"You know, she knew from the second she saw me that I was high. She cared enough to slap some sense into my when I was delirious. She cared enough to pick me off the streets, though, in the pouring rain. She was the only one who cared enough to entertain me when I didn't want to be alone with my pathetic self.

"Now, it's over. It's all over. I'm a miserable fuck up and it's over."

The man next to him laid a hand on his shoulder a moment later. He gripped his shoulder hard, forcing him to look up. "If it's alright with you, I'd like to tell you something."

Syaoran was quiet.

"Go ahead Sam," Kaho answered softly.

A deep breath later, the man called Sam spoke his story.

"I was an abusive drunk before I met the woman of my dreams. I thought for sure she'd leave me after seeing me, the real me, and she did.

"She called the cops on me. She got me into this program. She gave me a new life. She couldn't have found a better way to do it. Leaving me was probably the only way she could've smacked some sense into me. I'm not saying I'm all better now, but at least I'm not an alcoholic freak anymore."

Syaoran didn't say anything.

"You think you've got it hard. Imagine ten years of prison with nothing but your-sorry-self, sitting there with nothing to do but think, about the people you'd hurt, the people you'd pushed away, the people you'd lost. Imagine coming out of there with nothing to look forward to, not friends, not family, not even a job. You're lucky; you've got something you love apart from this woman who saved you. Stay true to your dream, my boy."

Sam then sat down.

"It's going to be okay," Chiharu spoke up.

"Yeah, man. You clearly love her; you'll make things work for you." Jordan then added. "Just do this painting thing you have to do. Don't waste this chance."

"Second chances are rare." Kaho said after Jordan spoke. "You know as well as I do that these people will not take tardiness lightly. You may be discredited from the field. No one will take you seriously.

"Is that what you want?"

Hearing Kaho, of all people, saying those words was a reality check he'd needed. Syaoran didn't need to even think about it twice.

"No, it isn't." He paused to look around, his face red, his pulse racing. "Thanks... I've been... meaning to vent it out,"

Rita scoffed. "Lamest thank you I've ever heard."

"You'd better call us to this art thing," Chiharu prompted. Jordan grinned in agreement.

"Don't give up on her though," the new girl reminded. "This special girl you're talking about. Don't forget her. Wait, give her time. She will forgive you if you stay true to her."

Syaoran had his doubts about that, but he didn't argue.

*.*

In a collection of canvases, paintings good and bad, Syaoran and Lillian stood while the dim light shone on them from the outside. The air was cold and murky, like usual, but somehow it was familiar now. The smell and feel of the ruins now came with a sense of recognition that Syaoran'd come to appreciate regretfully.

He picked one up and showed it to her. "What do you think about this one?"

Lillian scanned it like she was reading a page. "It looks bland."

Syaoran threw it in a pile of paintings that were of no significance. In the pile that mattered were five paintings that were Lillian-approved. Syaoran took her opinion seriously. She knew her art. He trusted her.

"So, five paintings down. Two more to go," he told Lillian. He had a little over a month to get his work together, do some last minute work and what not before the Exhibit. Syaoran then observed the five paintings.

"What should I call this one?" he asked Lillian. She stood by him then.

"Lady in Red." She pointed to one of Sakura with her face covered by the umbrella she was holding. The rain was light in this one.

"And this?"

"Weeping Rock," Lillian kept naming. "The Lost Room of Rain, Reflections," she paused at the last one of Sakura in a black dress, facing away, in the rain while the sun crept through the clouds.

"Neighbours," she finished at the last one. Syaoran nodded. Two balconies stood highlighted in the painting of dull blues and yellows, opposite to each, opposing each other, balancing each other. It had been an on the whim painting but it was good, Syaoran knew it was.

"Seven Shades of Drizzle," Syaoran announced without looking up from his notepad. "That's going to be the collection's name once I've finished the last two paintings."

Lillian was quiet.

*.*

Syaoran offered Lillian some green tea once they'd come back to his place. It was drizzling, but that didn't stop the two of them from standing on the balcony while they drank their tea.

"You're quiet today," Syaoran said as he realized it himself. Even back in the ruins she'd been somewhat... reserved.

"Miss my usual banter, do you?" Lillian questioned cheekily. Syaoran narrowed his eyes as she grinned at him. They both sipped their tea at the same time.

"Not especially. Just wondering what's going on." Syaoran replied.

Lillian sighed before placing the cup on his coffee table and returning.

"My father's been on my case about getting my work out there," Lillian started.

Syaoran nodded. Her father wasn't entirely wrong.

"Anyway, that's that," She crossed her hands over her chest.

"It'll be okay," Syaoran assured her. "You'll find something soon."

"I sure hope so,"

"I'm sure you will."

They stood side by side, watching the sun set while the rain fell lightly onto the streets.

"Since misery loves company and all, I'm guessing you have some family issues of your own." Lillian commented as they watched the rain. Syaoran shrugged, as if to say that everyone did.

"Sort things out with your sister?"

"Yup,"

Lillian was nice, but very nosy, Syaoran realized.

"Don't trust me, do you?" she then asked. Syaoran grinned.

"Not all the time,"

"Fair enough, I guess." Lillian paused. "I wouldn't be too trusting too if I'd just lost the love of my life."

Syaoran felt the pang in his chest even before she said 'life'.

"What's your favourite colour?" Lillian asked.

"Green,"

"Like your aura," she smiled what Syaoran thought was a sad smile. It was enough to distract him from the melancholic mess that was the colour green. "It suits you."

Syaoran didn't know why but it looked like Lillian needed a hug. So he hugged her.

"You're hugging me," Lillian announced softly before loosely hanging her hands around his waist.

"Looked you needed it,"

"Thanks," she muttered as he pulled away. "I have no income, my dad hates me and the only friend I've got is a lunatic ex-drug addict,"

"Just for that, you can sleep on the streets if you get evicted,"

Lillian smacked his hand. Syaoran laughed, protecting himself from the girl before him.

The grin fell when he saw Sakura on the opposite balcony looking at him... at them. The look on her face was indecipherable.

"Sakura?" he spoke loud and clear, before she turned around, shut the doors behind her and drew the curtains closed. Syaoran turned to the living room and stormed out of his apartment.

The next thing he really registered was the noise he was making from knocking on her front door.

"Sakura!" he screamed for her. "Open up, it's me."

She did, to his surprise, open the door after that.

"What?" she questioned. "What do you want?"

Syaoran narrowed his eyes at her.

"What the hell was that back there?" he asked her, pointing at the balcony after he walked into her apartment.

"It was nothing. I was out on my balcony, you were out on yours. I'm sorry if I interrupted you." She looked away.

Suddenly, it was all so very clear. Walking to her, he'd made up his mind. He brought his hands to her shoulders and held her flush against him.

"You were the one who decided it was over." Syaoran reminded. "You said you couldn't trust me, and that was that. Don't you remember?"

"Perfectly," Sakura answered with a shove to his chest. Syaoran did not budge.

"That automatically gives you no right to be jealous,"

"I am not jealous!"

"Don't even bother denying it. I may not have known you for long, but I know you well enough to know that right now, you're jealous and seething inside." Syaoran loosened his grip on her before realizing what he felt was elation at the fact that the woman he loved still cared enough to get jealous. If she'd been jealous, which in itself was a long shot, but supposing she was... then that meant...

Syaoran didn't bother with any lies, or games. He had to be open with her if he had any chance at all. Sure, nothing was going on between him and Lillian. Hell, nothing was going on between him and any other girl in the planet as far as he was concerned but, if it helped Sakura see, if it helped her realize that maybe she still wanted to be with him, then why not?

"I saw with your ex one day," Syaoran started slowly. "I wanted to kill him."

Sakura blinked. "When was this?"

"I don't know, someday last week."

She didn't say anything.

Did she feel the same way?

The two stood staring at each other when the phone rang. Sakura moved to get it, but Syaoran stopped her.

"Let the machine get it," Syaoran told her in a low voice, his head nearing hers. The magnetic feel of the kiss that was yet to occur was too strong to ignore. Syaoran was going to kiss her right this second, with or without her permission. How much he'd craved for this very moment, how many times he'd envisioned and dreamed of it in his head? He wasn't letting it go, he decided, as his hands went through her hair, making her breathe deep. God, she felt so good against his fingers, so much better than she ever had before. After so many days of separation, all he wanted to do was kiss her, long, deep and hard. It was probably a subconscious effort of making what could be their last kiss the best they'd ever have.

Just as his lips moulded with hers, a voice filled the air.

"_Sakura?"_ It was a man's voice. _"It's me. I know it's been a while but I thought I should call you today._

"_I miss you Sakura, more than I can say, and I hope you've forgiven me. I love you. You can reach me at this number. I'm back in Tomoeda, at our house. _

"_I'm sorry, Sakura. I'm sorry for the way things were then. I know there's nothing I can do or say to make any of this alright but I'm hoping... I want to see you, Sakura. Call me, please."_

There was a beep and that was the end.

"Who was that?" Syaoran asked then. Sakura shook her head and pulled away without a sound.

Syaoran had made up his mind though. He was not going to back down. Today, he'd get his answers, even if it was the last thing he did.

_Filled with so much hatred_

_Such a tired game._

_It's enough, I've done all I can think of_

_Chased down all my demons, _

_I've seen you do the same._

* * *

**QUESTION:** Have you ever gotten back with someone after breaking up with them?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	37. xxxvi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, Randomsam123, newbee, Guest, TaraRae89, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, brightestoflights, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, teru21:

Breaking up is like turning a page. You can turn as many pages as you'd like, but sometimes, you might want to turn back.

The song used in this chapter was specially recommended by PrincessNevermore. Thank you for that. Hope you're reading this one.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxvi._

_It's never enough to say I love you_  
_No, it's never enough to say I try_  
_It's hard to believe_  
_That's theres no way out for you and me_  
_And this seems to be the story of our lives_

**-Not Meant to Be/Theory of a Deadman**

"Who was that on the phone?" Syaoran asked, trying to think of the man's soft and deep voice, trying to calculate how old he might have been, trying to remember if he'd ever heard the voice before.

"Nobody you know,"

Syaoran felt red hot anger right then.

"You know what?" he paused when she turned away. "No," he moved to her and turned her around. "Why don't you pretend for once, just this once, to care enough to tell me the truth about your past?"

Sakura's nostrils flared as she spoke. "I can't be_lieve_ you. You're talking to me about caring enough to tell the truth! What the hell happened to that after you slept with your ex-fuck-buddy and didn't bother letting me in on that little secret?"

Syaoran didn't say anything.

Sakura just said fuck-buddy.

That was the first time he'd heard the woman swear, even if it was a semi-swear word.

"I told you, Sakura, I didn't want to sleep with her okay? She manipulated me into sleeping with her, and who knows if I even did? She's not going to tell me the truth about that night, so we're never going to know. Ever.

"I feel guilty that it happened. I can't begin to tell you how much I wished it didn't, but it did. It wasn't supposed to happen, it was a mistake. It's not going to happen again."

Sakura stood still in his hands, the room quiet.

"You're changing the subject. We were talking about you. Who was that on the phone call?" Syaoran asked again.

Sakura moved to the other side of the kitchen this time around. "I don't want your guilt," she spat out first. "I don't want your remorse. I don't want you to be guilty or angry over it. I want you to see this from my viewpoint. What would you do, if the roles were reversed? Think about it, Syaoran, why did that night happen in the first place? Why were you there, with that girl?"

Syaoran felt the muscles in his jaw clench tight. "To keep her away from you,"

Sakura inhaled deep and loud. "You should've told me the truth. I knew you, I knew what I was getting into, even if you did lie about it, even if you tried to hide it."

"So why can't you be with me, now? What's changed that you can't even stand next to me?"

Syaoran had wanted the answer to that one for a long time now. Though it had been eating him up inside, all he'd really wanted the answer to that one question.

Why?

"Because," Sakura sobbed, making Syaoran look at her. She was crying? "Because, this is something that's happened to me before, and I'm not a fool to go falling for the same thing a second time."

Syaoran stood on the opposite edge of the counter, knowing full well that if he dared to cross the invisible boundary Sakura had set up, there'd be no more talking. The wall would be breached, the insecurities would wall up again, and this time there'd be no getting through.

How could he ask her about this without killing his last and final chance?

"You think it's so easy, do you?" she asked, wiping her eyes with her hands, looking so sad and lonely on the other side that it made Syaoran want to cry. "You think it's so easy to get up one fine day and say 'Screw it, I'm done with drugs.' You think that's all it takes to be an ex-drug addict?

"I've seen hundreds of boys and girls your age give up and dry out under the effects of a drug, and not even something as lethal as crystal meth," she said the word like it was poison. It was. But the way she said it struck oddly somehow. "It'd be a common painkiller; maybe some smashed up meds... maybe even a large dose cough syrup, but they were all hooked and they _needed_ to go back for more every single time.

"And no, none of them wanted that. None of them grew up thinking 'I'm going to be an addict someday.' They all grew up like you, with family issues to sort out and big dreams to fulfill. But no," Sakura shook her head in a frenzied manner. "Their lives were sealed in the form of small household medicines, or large crystal pellets.

"They wanted help, they asked for it themselves, but that doesn't mean the urge to get high wasn't there. It was there. And you know what? It **never** leaves. It's just waiting for you to be at your weakest, so it can do its worst and beat you to the ground just before hitting bottom, just enough to get you hooked again."

Sakura was breathing so heavily that it took Syaoran a while to realize that she was... hysterical. Something about the way she was speaking, the way she was standing... everything seemed so out of place. The Sakura he knew and met every day was not this person in front of him. It was like she was a whole other person now, like someone he had never even had the misfortune of meeting.

This was the Sakura who'd picked him up off the streets?

This unforgiving, untrusting woman of twenty five...

"Why'd you bring me here, then?" Syaoran asked then, stalking to her side. "Why did you bother at all that night? You could've walked off, and it wouldn't have made any difference."

"I could've but, I didn't." Sakura bit out, looking away from him as he held her by the shoulders. "I couldn't leave you alone; I would've regretted it for the rest of my life."

"Alright, granted, I was weak and you helped me out." Syaoran paused to take in her breathing. It helped calm him a little. "Why'd you agree to dinner that night when Tomoyo invited me?"

"I couldn't say no—"

"You could've said no, that you know as well as I do,"

Sakura said nothing.

"Okay, let's say you were feeling like a martyr that night too and you wanted to treat me like your charity case just a little longer." Syaoran shut off any protests Sakura had to make and kept talking. "What about that night at Ebony and Ivory? We were well over the first night; you didn't have to oblige me in my desperate attempt at wooing you, and don't you say you didn't know I had a thing for you. So, why'd you come?"

Still nothing.

"You came for the music," Syaoran answered for her. "I'm going to make an assumption and say you came for the music. You were bored, out of place, and you came for the music, right?

"So here's the most puzzling question of them all. Why'd you come to my apartment that afternoon, that first time you'd seen me high?"

Sakura sighed quietly before one drop of tear slid onto her cheek and down her face. Syaoran closed his eyes and brought her to him. He couldn't bear to see her cry. It pained him to see her cry.

"Why did you ask me out that night?" Sakura's muffled voice came, turning the tables now.

"I wanted to get to know you better, see you outside of happenstance meets."

"Why'd you come here to play games that night?"

"I didn't want to be alone, and I didn't have anywhere else to go."

"Why'd you come find me on my terrace after that day in your apartment? The day you got high?" The questions were piling up one after the other. Unlike Sakura, Syaoran had answers.

"In my defence, I didn't know that was you."

Sakura pulled away and met his eyes. Syaoran couldn't stop the smile that overcame his face.

"Fine, I came to apologize. I thought... I thought we were friends... or God, I don't know. I thought you were hot as hell and I was attracted to you... and I thought you might... I don't know, Sakura. I wanted you to be a part of my miserable existence."

For some time after that, Syaoran held Sakura like that, against the cold kitchen counter, in silence. They said nothing more, and Sakura asked for nothing else. Syaoran felt elated... so long, it had been too long since they'd been this close. Nothing could feel like this, like coming home to a lover, like coming home to family.

Nothing could be this magnificent. Not even getting high.

Some days Syaoran could remember exactly what this felt like, and he realized then that that was what was stopping him... keeping him straight.

He prayed to God he'd remember how'd this felt for the rest of his life.

"I have to tell you something now," Syaoran whispered. Sakura shook her head.

"Let me say it, and then I'll leave."

That quieted her down.

The pang of ache in his chest did not go away after that.

"I love you," he spoke clearly into her hair. "I love you, so much, that I think I've gone a little insane in these past few weeks without you. I think about you all the time, like every second of the day, to every dream I manage to conjure up. You are everything," he paused to look into her eyes now, his hands on her face. "You are everything and nothing can ever change that. Nothing can make this different for me. You hear me, Sakura?

"Nothing is coming between you and me, not the drugs, not ex-partners, not friends, not family."

"Why not?"

Syaoran looked baffled. That wasn't what he'd been expecting to hear.

"Why not what?"

"Why won't anything come between us?"

Syaoran sighed. "Because like it or not, Sakura, I met you, and you met me, and now I'm madly in love with you. Not anyone else, just you."

Sakura nodded. "I never questioned your love for me."

"Okay," Syaoran nodded a gesture for her to go on.

"I don't trust you around the drugs."

"What if I—"

"It doesn't matter how long you stay clean." Sakura interrupted, pulling away. Syaoran missed her warmth already. "Chances are you either will stay clean, or you'll just find ways of outsmarting me. So, it doesn't matter if you go your whole life telling me you're clean. I will always doubt you on that. Not your loyalty to me, not your fidelity, but your commitment and dedication to staying sober.

"Will that bother you?"

Syaoran didn't try to answer.

"This thing with the red haired girl... it doesn't bother me as much as it should. I was angry, hurt, upset, betrayed. But I was still able to let it go, let you inside my apartment tonight. Do you understand why?" Sakura asked calmly. Syaoran recognized her demeanour, the look in her eye, the way she spoke in that calm and collected manner.

He did not pretend to understand it.

"You didn't know what you were doing," Sakura said slowly. "You were high and she was... taking advantage of your high. I hate that it happened, I'm angry that you were stupid enough to let it happen, but that's not what bothers me most.

"How can I know for sure that random ex-girlfriends will not violate you that way unless I know for sure that you will not be getting high again? I can't. I can't know the former for sure without knowing the latter for sure and I don't _know_ the latter for sure. I don't think I ever will."

Syaoran didn't say anything.

Sakura took a deep breath before speaking next.

"I had Touya rent this apartment out because it has three bedrooms. One is mine, the other's Touya's and Yukito's. That bedroom you slept in the first night you came here?" she asked, pointing at the room. "That's the room meant for my father.

"That's who you heard on the phone just now. That's whom I came running from Japan all the way to Glasgow."

Syaoran didn't move an inch, not even to nod that he'd heard her, not even to breathe. It was then that he took a breath. He'd forgotten to even breathe.

"He's never been here. We don't talk. We're not on talking terms, really. He calls occasionally, as part of his therapy I guess, but we don't... we don't."

"Sakura..."

"I lost my mother, and then slowly, painfully, I lost my father to the oblivion he preferred to exist in, just like I might lose you one day to the _exact _same _thing_. I was alone, lonely, distraught, closed off... I didn't date, I didn't have a social life, and I had but one best friend, one sixteen year old, helpless and clueless as me.

"I had my therapist say many other fancy things to me, things that I'd become because of my childhood, because of my ill fated and lonely childhood. I wished someone could have saved me, picked me up and changed me; let me out of my caged misery. I wished for a miracle, for a family. I wished... And now, I'm not ever going back there, even if it means we have to be apart, even if it means I have to move the world around. I'm not going through that again, not ever again.

"I should have known better than to get in so deep, to get you in so deep," Sakura paused before moving to the kitchen sink to wash her face. "I may have left my past behind, but somehow, even so far from home... it still follows me wherever I go."

Syaoran almost didn't hear that last part over the running tap.

He couldn't breathe. He was afraid to. One breath could bring the sobs tumbling through his eyes.

"Now, you will forgive me when I ask you to leave and never bother with me again, because I'd like to have the life I never had, and I don't trust you to give that to me."

Syaoran felt horrid, worse than he ever had before. He didn't put up a fight after those words, not anymore. He stood still with his fists clenched and his face burning red. Sakura wiped her face with a cloth and stood, the water still running.

"I'm sorry, Sakura," his voice was hoarse as he said that.

He didn't stick around to see if she responded.

_It's like one step forward and two steps back_  
_No matter what I do you're always mad_  
_And I, baby I'm sorry to see_  
_Maybe we're not meant to be_

* * *

**QUESTION:** What is the most bittersweet song you've ever heard?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	38. xxxvii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, Ainez, vinh, lhaine07, Randomsam123, Guest, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo:

Someone Like You by Adele is the most bittersweet I've ever felt.

Guest users: Get an account and review! I'd love to reply! Dark Side has already been used, btw. Check it out. I think it was the 11th chapter.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxvii_.

_Are you stuck inside a world you hate?_  
_Are you sick of everyone around?_  
_With their big fake smiles and stupid lies_  
_While deep inside you're bleeding_

_- _**Welcome To My Life/Simple Plan**

"Rumour has it that Hiro Yamamoto has a crush on you." Tomoyo teased as Sakura did her nails with a bright pink.

"Really?" Sakura asked, trying to sound disinterested. Truth was she'd had her eye on Hiro for a long time now, and while he may not have been the most popular boy in school, he was definitely the cutest. According to her, anyway.

"Really. I hear he's going to ask you out, and soon."

Sakura frowned. "How soon is soon?"

"Soon, Sakura," Tomoyo then lay on her stomach with her chin on her hands. "Will you say yes?"

Sakura hadn't really thought about that. Sure, she liked the boy, and sure, he was adorably cute. They hadn't really spoken in school much but that didn't mean they couldn't date... right?

"I don't know,"

"Sakura!"

Sakura's eyes opened on cue, at her being called. It took some time to realize it had been a dream... a recollection, really. Funny, it had felt so real. Hiro Yamamoto... Sakura hadn't thought of him in years. It'd been more than a decade since she last saw him. What the hell was she dreaming about him for? They'd caught up on Facebook sometimes but that was it. He'd gone on to becoming an engineer, a successful one at that.

Sakura sat up and stretched, noting that she'd fallen asleep on the couch again, with the music on. A light sonata was playing through the air as traffic sounded heavy outside. How late was it?

At that, Sakura rushed into the bathroom, checked the clock and realized she could make it to school if she hurried. Fifteen minutes later, she was hopping on one leg to put on her shoes, grabbing her handbag, her laptop and watch. She looked around for her phone, wondering where the hell she'd left it.

The red blinking on her landline caught her eye. Sakura stood still then, her breathing uneven. She pressed the button.

"_Sakura? It's me."_

Sakura pressed the button again, thus ending the call. She moved to delete the message, her finger hovering over the button.

She moved out of the apartment after that.

She couldn't delete the message, just like she couldn't delete all the others.

*.*

Driving back home had been the same tedious job as always. The music was dry, the traffic was a killer, and the rain had been relentless. Sakura turned up the heat, shivering. No one would believe that it could get any colder in Glasgow, but it did.

Sakura drove by the familiar streets and eyed the coming left curiously. If she took that left, and then the next right, she would reach Ebony and Ivory. She sighed.

So stupid, it had been so stupid to agree to that night. It had been the start of this entire mess, as far as Sakura saw. It had been everything that had led to here, to now, to nothing.

Sakura turned left, then right, and then parked. Music could be heard all the way from where she was parked, like soft chants and merriment, pulling her toward it, calling her to it, making her want to get up and get there.

She heard the bass-y cello from the outside, a slow tune. It was Beethoven; of that Sakura was sure, a very old and unpopular symphony. Sakura tried to recollect the name but couldn't. As she was seated, half an hour later, the track still played on. The man on the cello smiled as he played, as though he was hypnotized by his own tune. Sakura smiled at that.

Track after track, Sakura sat thinking of music, of symphonies, of sonatas and of Syaoran. Nothing had reminded her of him more in these past few hours. The music made her want to let go, to forget, to forgive. She wanted to leave it all behind, just like she had once, long before. She knew it would be a cowardly thing to do, but she couldn't help but want to start afresh, without complications, without this emotional baggage.

So... this was what wanting closure felt like.

It was distressing, disturbing, and it made her want to get up and leave. She did not, no! She could not forgive Syaoran for what he'd brought into her life. She was peaceful before she'd met him. She knew it would be a big mistake, she knew she should stay away from the boy with the beautiful brown eyes but she couldn't help it. It had been far too tempting, and Syaoran had been far too alluring.

Sakura thought of leaving after that, through every second of every song that was being played.

She never did leave though. Not until the last track of the night had been played and the waiter had to force her out of there.

*.*

Syaoran had finished his sixth painting a little after twelve in the night and took a seat next to a sleeping Lillian on the bed. His bed, to be precise. Their sessions always ran late into the nights and Lillian always managed to fall asleep hours before he did. Something in that moment had struck him odd about the dynamics of their relationship but Syaoran didn't over-think it. There was no need to. He had no obligations now, no restrictions, and no ties.

Syaoran went into his closet and found a t-shirt and pants, and then searched in his drawers for some underwear. He dropped some, a mistake he'd made after coming across Sakura's sketch. He would not open it.

He bent down to find the underwear and stared directly at the cardboard box he kept his private things in. He sighed and pulled it out, flicking the cover off and sitting on the cold wooden floor as he went through the things. There was his birth certificate, his father's watch, a ten year old tie (a birthday present from his father), and the photograph that had changed his life forever.

Syaoran eyed the photo expressionlessly, wondering if it were even real, wondering how he'd come to look at it without feeling anxious or shame. He touched the faint lines of her hair, and then stood, box in the other hand. He went out to the living room and sat staring at the photo of his mother.

Her portrait had been created in less than six hours. Her face bent to the side, half visible, her hair long and straight and black with her gown in hand and the other stretched out to the dark sky.

Memoria, Syaoran had named it in his head without too much thought to it.

He slept next to Mei Ling that early morning, holding her close as he cried.

There weren't many very words to describe how difficult it had been, painting that painting.

*.*

"This is..." Lillian trailed off as she observed the canvas in the bright light next morning, earlier than needed. Syaoran didn't really sleep much the night before, seeing as his mind was completely invaded with thoughts he thought he'd given up. Somehow, those very thoughts stopped making sense now.

"That's my mother," he told her quietly as he sat on the couch, now feeling impassive.

Lillian looked at him and held his gaze for a long time.

"The root cause of all evil, then." She stated.

Syaoran didn't reply.

"Where is she now?"

"Wouldn't know,"

"Seems like you want to know, though,"

"I don't know what I want anymore."

Lillian didn't pursue the conversation further. Sometimes, Syaoran realized, the girl didn't push things too hard. She was careful, yet deceptive somehow. Something about her was so off. The way she'd guess things, say things that had that uncanny knack of being correct. It didn't really do him well to think about Lillian but keeping his mother a secret from her was pointless. He knew that all too well. She'd already guessed some things.

"Well, this is beautiful."

Syaoran didn't nod.

He thought about how his mother's skin must have felt. Were her hands soft? Was her hair as shiny as it were in the photograph? Did she like art? What type of music did she like?

Was she gentle? Did she have a particular song with which she put him to sleep?

Did she want to be a mother? Did she have other children?

He felt numb as he realized that now more than six years ago, he wanted to know his mother. It was a dangerous trail, a road one must know better than to take. While his mother made him see the holes in his life, she also made him curious. Was he like her at all? Did she love him? Why did she give him up?

"Tell me something about your childhood," Lillian started as she made her way to him. After sitting down, she elaborated. "A cherished memory, something you like thinking about,"

"My dad and I were really awkward with each other," Syaoran started. "Sure, we were close, and I loved him, I think I used to love him the most." He paused at that, closing his eyes.

Soft humming.

Distant chimes swaying with the wind.

Laughing.

Soft, whispered kisses.

"My sisters were the best thing that'd happened to me, though. They kept us functioning. They made us a family, somehow." Syaoran laughed humourlessly. "We were so dysfunctional, so... out of place. We each wanted to belong, wanted to have a place we could call home. And this was it.

"Fanren never married, seeing that dad needed her to be with him and help him with work. When he passed, she took over for him. We never saw much of them, my father or Fanren. Between school and Kung Fu, we never had the chance.

"Sheifa and Fuutie were the youngest, and they were in school with me. Mei Ling and I couldn't stand next to each other without getting into a fist fight," he laughed at that, and so did Lillian.

"One day, after school, dad was at home early and so was Fanren. Feimei made her special dumplings and cheese cake. I always knew why Feimei was my favourite. I told her so that day. She was our head chef, Feimei. She took care of us, cleaned after us, made sure we did our homework every night. She was a mother even before she married and had her own kids.

"It was a simple family dinner, one that every family has every night. I had that privilege that night. There were many dinners after that, and many dinners before, but that was the first one that stood out. I think I was eight," Syaoran tried to remember. "Maybe nine,"

Dishes clattered against thick glass.

Loud girlish squeals.

Laughing.

Syaoran could never forget the way they all laughed and laughed, together. He couldn't be sure about why they were so happy, so joyous. The laughs of their happiness bounced off of the walls, resonating in his ears, in his heart. It'd been his only happy memory in a long while. Did it really matter why?

Lillian didn't say anything more, but she smiled.

*.*

In bed, alone with his thoughts, he realized that that had been the first day he'd gone without obsessing over Sakura.

Turning to his side, he felt restless all of a sudden.

An entire day with Sakura running through his mind, without Sakura plaguing his thoughts, without her...

He supposed this was how it would be from now on. Not sitting out on the balcony waiting for her to come out, not hoping for a call, a message, anything. Not waiting. No more waiting.

They were done.

Some days he couldn't believe it. The last bit of hope had been shred to pieces, they were left with nothing more. They weren't left anymore.

That didn't bring to him as much pain as it should have. In the past, it would have made him angry.

"_I wished someone could have saved me, picked me up and changed me; let me out of my caged misery."_

A hero, which was what Sakura, the woman of his dreams, the love of his life, had been waiting for. Someone ideal, someone perfect... Someone she deserved.

Someone that probably could never be him.

God, that sounded so cliched. Syaoran knew full well that it could've been him, the one that saved her. He owed her that much. She'd saved him from his miserable existence after all. He would have spent the rest of his life doing the same for her. If only things weren't so... screwed up.

"_I wished for a miracle, for a family."_

Syaoran knew what it felt like to wish for family. He'd been blessed enough with sisters and a father, even if God did take away all chances with his mother. Sure, he was sore about that but he knew he was lucky.

It seemed Sakura hadn't been that lucky.

Syaoran scoffed.

The act she put on was flawless. So good, she'd been so good at convincing him that she'd been perfect, that the life she'd had was perfect. How long had she had to perfect that act? She'd come to Glasgow to work, or was she there before to study? Where did she finish college? Where was Touya, Yukito?

Syaoran tried to stop thinking about it, knowing full well that he'd never get any answers.

He'd felt worse than when he had when the night with Nakuru had happened.

Why didn't she just tell him?

_To be on the edge of breaking down_  
_And no one's there to save you_

* * *

**QUESTION:** What would you say is the best way to relax?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	39. xxxviii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, OXYD, lhaine07, Randomsam123, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo:

I relax by listening to music and making posts on my page. Maybe read a good book, your reviews, or watch a new anime/movie.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxviii._

_You hold me without touch. _  
_You keep me without chains. _  
_I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign. _

**- Gravity/Sara Bareilles**

Sakura took out her brother's bike and stood in the cold, cold morning air with Kero barking anxiously behind her. She sat on it, peddled and waited for Kero to follow.

He did.

Sakura wondered where she should go to cycle. First she wondered if she should go down to the river. Then she thought about cycling to Madison Hill. It was a long way up the hill, Sakura realized, a long way with a bicycle anyway.

She began the ascent, panting and pushing her way up.

She grinned and screamed all the way back down, her dog right behind her.

It was the only way to start the day.

So that was what she did every morning from then on.

*.*

It was during school hours that she got a text from Yamazaki, asking if she wanted to see him. She thought about Syaoran, about how he'd been jealous enough to kill the man she'd once thought she loved. The thought of making Syaoran jealous had been thrilling, but subconscious, she realized. She didn't know she cared enough to make him jealous.

Fully conscious and aware this time, she messaged back saying she would see the man for dinner that night.

Classes up until lunch were a blur. As if on autopilot, she went into a class and taught like a robot, registering nothing, taking in nothing. It had been numbing, like how one feels when their foot falls asleep.

Walking to the staff room after class for lunch she let her mind wander any which way it went. She thought about the cold morning, the cycling and Kero. She thought about his beautiful golden fur, about how soft it was to touch. She thought about the golden floral wallpaper in the nurse's office, about how she'd complimented it and decided to get some for herself. She thought about the paintings she'd seen in the Principal's office the first day of school, how she'd been ignorant about the effort and pain it had taken to make them.

She thought about Syaoran's wall painting, the first time she'd seen him in his element. She thought about how he smelled, his fingers smelling of charcoal and pencil lead, his hair smelling of paint. Initially she'd hated the smell, but now it was all she was familiar with.

She thought of the sweet smelling apple pie she'd find in the cafeteria. That would be her lunch for the day.

She tried to think of how she'd devour it like she'd never eaten before.

Instead, she ended up thinking about how she'd never made apple pie for Syaoran.

*.*

The computer in the staff room, the one that was meant for Sakura, usually sat idle and uselessly on her desk as no one had any use for it. Most days Sakura didn't even use it.

That day, however, she sat looking at like it'd grown two horns and threatened to fly.

School was over with and the few children who did want her help after school had come and gone, leaving her to be one of the last few people who'd leave school that day. She didn't mind, she loved the school, the kids, her job. If not anything else, at least she'd had this much.

Before thinking about it too much she powered up the computer and sat in front of it looking patient, but feeling anything but. She typed in the password, fired up the net browser and Googled Syaoran Li.

Pictures of the boy were sprawled over a website she'd found, but there wasn't much about him apart from the obvious.

The Li family, on the other hand, had a lot about them on it.

Sakura sat straight, pulling the monitor closer and reading intently.

**The Li family has had a history of their ancestors involved in much of the politics of China. Starting from the year 1945 they've had a hand dealing with the many systems that came and were abolished until Rei Yu Lang Li, the fifth Li to become the Chairman of the Party Central Military Commission, was also handed over the roles of positions of Vice President of China, General Secretary of the Communist Party of China, Chairman of the Party Central Military Commission, President of the Central Party School and the first member of the CPC Politburo Standing Committee, China's de facto top power organ.**

**Son of communist veteran**** Xiao Lang Li ****(1913–1980), Rei Yu Lang Li served mostly in ****Fujian ****province in his early career. He was later appointed party chief of the neighbouring ****Zhejiang ****province, and then was appointed as Shanghai's party chief following the dismissal of ****Chi Liangyu****.**** Known for his tough stance on corruption and a frank openness about political and market economy reforms,****Xi headed the ****Communist Party of China****'s ****fifth generation of leadership****.**

**He was later succeeded by his son-in-law, Xi Chen, after his demise on July 15****th**** 2006. **

She sighed. Xiao Lang... Syaoran had been named after his grandfather. She shook her head as she switched off the computer and stood with her bag before storming out of the room.

Why the hell had she done that?

*.*

At home she spoke to Tomoyo briefly.

"Why are you seeing Yamazaki again?" she asked Sakura as Sakura debated what dress to wear.

"I don't know," Sakura shuffled through dresses to finally decide on pants and a shirt instead. "He asked me to see him for dinner. I didn't see what the problem would be."

"Sakura, don't you remember why you left him?"

Sakura closed her eyes and took a breath. "So he didn't tell me he was working for Touya. I don't see what the big deal is."

"You weren't so accepting about it back then, if I recall correctly. Neither was Touya, by the way."

It was true. Touya had been extremely open about his condemnation of her relationship with Yamazaki. Granted, it had only lasted three months, and sure he worked with Touya. Right now, Sakura couldn't remember why that had bothered her so much.

Well, at the time it'd bothered her enough to leave him.

"Fine," Sakura admitted. "So he lied about his job—"

"The guy is a serial liar, Sakura. He's practically a sociopath. He's also over dramatic, condescending and an orang-utan. Listen to me, will you? Don't be adamant about hanging out with a familiar face just so you don't have to face your current traumas."

Sakura held a breath at that.

Tomoyo sighed before speaking next. "I'm sorry Sakura, I don't mean to be blunt about it, but I meant what I said. I don't like what you're doing to yourself over this breakup with Syaoran. Is this how you're going to deal with it?"

"I'm not hoping to get back with Yamazaki, if that's what you mean."

"I didn't think you were. But you are leading him on with this thing you've got going on. Does he know you're not interested?"

Sakura thought back to the night they went bowling, the evening they had coffee, the day Tomoyo and them watched a movie at her place. He'd been so attentive, so sweet. It'd felt good to be in his company.

"Would it be so wrong if I wanted to...? I don't know... start things up?"

Tomoyo stayed quiet.

"Come on, Tomoyo, he seems to have changed. He's different." Sakura tried to assure her.

"Say what you want, Sakura, but I still remember what you went through when you broke things off with the guy and you know what the worst part is? You didn't even confront the asshole! You just broke up with him and he let you leave, no questions. Probably too embarrassed to even step up and say his piece, truthfully, anyway.

"Just don't expect me to lie to Touya over this guy again. If he asks me about him, I'm going to tell him, like I should have the last time."

With that having been said, she hung up.

Damn, Tomoyo. Did she have to be so... haughty about this? Sakura shook her head as she went to the bathroom to do her hair, realizing that she had to stop this. Tomoyo would never forgive her if she fell into the same stupidity twice.

It was better than falling in love with a drug addict, Sakura realized. She could deal with the lies, the deceit, the cheating. The drugs though were a whole other world of pain. They were an emotional attachment somehow, the drugs, the addicts, something that was embedded deep into her system, something that no matter where she went, it followed, and they followed. She didn't have to look over shoulder to know that.

Yes, Sakura told herself as she applied some gloss, it was far, far worse to love a drug addict.

*.*

Sakura sat awkwardly at the table and watched as Yamazaki had ordered wine for the two of them before she'd arrived. It was a small cafe near the National Library that served Italian and French food. Sakura was in the mood for Italian, even if her stomach was filled with guilty little rodents.

"I hope you don't mind, but I've called a friend over to join us tonight," he told her over the menu card. Sakura lowered hers.

So, this wasn't a date then? She sighed in relief. This would be so easy to deal with. Tomoyo would be so happy to hear it.

"I don't mind," Sakura said quickly as she eyed the lasagne. Chicken or vegetable, she wondered.

"Here she is," Yamazaki said as he stood to receive her. Sakura turned around to find a pretty looking twenty-something year old approach the table with a small smile on her lips. Sakura smiled at her.

Yamazaki hugged her briefly before kissing her cheek, whispering something in her ear and had her nod back. Sakura jerked.

This was a date, sure. Just not the conventional kind, it appeared.

"Sakura, this is Chiharu Mihara," Yamazaki introduced as they nodded to each other and smiled politely.

"Nice to meet you, Sakura," Chiharu said as Yamazaki pulled back her chair. "Yamazaki's told me absolutely nothing about you."

Sakura frowned. What the hell?

"Well, what's there to tell? She was the girl who broke my heart," Yamazaki dramatically held his chest.

Chiharu snorted. "You'd need to have a heart to have it broken."

Sakura cleared her throat.

"You're breaking mine right now, Chiharu."

"Bite me, doctor."

It appeared she'd been transported to the twilight zone somehow.

"Where do you work, Sakura?" the girl with the honey coloured curls asked as she sipped some of her water.

"I am an English teacher at St. Aloysius College,"

"Oh, that's a fantastic school, I've heard. How long have you been doing it?"

"For four years now," she answered, eyeing the way Yamazaki was playing with the girl's hair, then her stole.

"Tell me what you do," she asked Chiharu.

"I'm a financial adviser," Chiharu confirmed. "I recently set up my own business with a close friend of mine,"

"I'd be jealous too," Yamazaki spoke with a smile. "If only he weren't gay,"

Sakura sputtered.

"I assumed you were relieved he was gay,"

"Very, angel. I can't imagine being okay with that. Ninety percent of the cheating takes place at the office, with the business partner."

"You just made that up,"

"You almost fell for it,"

"I never fall for your tricks, Takashi,"

"Oh, but you fell for my wit and charm, didn't you?"

"I wouldn't fall for you if you were the last man on the planet."

Sakura almost wanted to smile. She didn't dare interrupt their conversation.

"Don't be silly, you're crazy about me,"

"Just to let you know, this is our first date," Chiharu turned to speak to Sakura then. "And he makes it sound like we're some newlywed couple,"

"Could've fooled me," Sakura admitted slowly. Dinner was served a few moments after when Chiharu excused herself to the restroom. Sakura stayed behind with Yamazaki.

"So," Sakura started.

"Yeah," Yamazaki grinned. "That's Chiharu."

Sakura shook her head with a smile. "Why didn't you tell me you were bringing her?"

"I don't know, Sakura, why do I even do the things I do?"

Sakura didn't say anything to that. Till date she had no answer for that one.

"You seem... different with her," Sakura realized.

"I need to be. She's from the group sessions. Kaho's her mentor."

Sakura stilled.

Kaho was Syaoran's mentor too.

"Isn't this against the rules?"

"Only if I was her mentor, who I'm not," Yamazaki tapped the table lightly. "Checked it out and everything,"

Chiharu came back to the table. They started to eat.

"So, where were we?" Chiharu had a bite of her garlic bread and moaned.

"We were just talking about the venues for the wedding, baby," he kissed her hand with his fork left midway. "What do you think about Philomena's Church?"

Chiharu smacked his arm. "I'm not Christian, you fool,"

"You're not?"

Sakura wondered if that was really the problem with this conversation.

"Well," Yamazaki dabbed a napkin to his lips. "It seems this wedding needs postponing,"

"Yeah, let's wait until we know each other's religious preferences and maybe, I don't know, till after the second date?"

"You spoke my mind, love."

"Eat your bread, Takashi,"

Sakura wouldn't have believed it until she'd have seen it. This, right before her very eyes, was the forming of an epic love.

"Pass the cheese, buttercup,"

"Pass it yourself, you shoe lace,"

Sakura laughed.

It would be very epic, indeed.

*.*

"Thanks for dinner, Sakura," Chiharu told her outside the restaurant with a hug. "It was nice seeing you,"

Sakura smiled and returned Chiharu's hug. Then, she turned to Yamazaki.

"Thank you," she whispered in his ears.

Yamazaki looked puzzled when he pulled away. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sakura chuckled as she waved in goodbye and walked to her car. She looked back to find the two of them kissing.

She called Tomoyo when she reached home and only caught her voicemail.

"Tomoyo," Sakura sighed happily. "Call me back, Tomoyo. You won't believe what happened."

She hung up then, thinking of new things, of old things, of good things, of bad. Sakura had thought for sure that tonight would have helped her move on, but it had done the exact opposite. Yamazaki had taken her right back to where she'd started.

Would she able to move on from Syaoran like that, find someone more worthy, someone who loved her just the same? Sakura wasn't a fool. She knew what they'd had was special, different. It was in the way they kissed, and in the way they touched. It was always there, that special feeling, that zing in the air when they were together. God, she missed him but what could she do? Syaoran was so twisted and lost and she couldn't do anything for him until he wanted something done. How could she hope that love alone was enough? It wasn't for her own father, so why would it be for her few months old boyfriend? Three deep breaths later she calmer, leaving a residue of memories she'd buried many years ago.

After her mother had passed, Sakura and her father had gone to visit her grave, dressed in a white floral dress and pigtails in her hair. She was barely eleven. Sakura couldn't remember if Touya had gone with them.

**Beloved Mother, Wife, Daughter, Granddaughter. **

**You will be forever missed, my love.**

"Do you miss mommy?" she'd always wanted to ask that, and so that she had.

"Very much, Sakura. I miss her everyday." her father had told her with an undertone of passion she'd never really seen in him once her mother had passed.

"What is love, daddy?" she had asked her father after reading the tombstone once, then twice.

"Love is home, darling. Love is right here, between you and me." Her father had told her with a smile on his face, with a kiss to her cheek. The weather had been so clear and peaceful, like her mom had never left. The world was moving on, weather changed, days passed. A decade and a half later, things were clearer.

Her father had never moved on.

Sakura switched on some mellow music and got to work in the kitchen. She wondered if he'd ever meant what he'd said.

_Something always brings me back to you. _  
_It never takes too long. _

* * *

**QUESTION: **Whose your favourite in your family?

I myself am not too happy with this chapter, maybe I'll work on changing it. What did you guys think?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	40. xxxix

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, lhaine07, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo, PrincessNevermore:

I love all of my family. I've got a big family, so there's plenty of love to go around. I'm partial to my mom though, beautiful sweet mom. I love her the most, probably. Can never really say why.

Special word to Gina. Get a Fanfiction account, sweet.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxix._

_Push the door, I'm home at last and I'm soaking through and_  
_through_  
_then you handed me a towel and all I see is you_  
_and even if my house falls down now, I wouldn't have a clue_  
_because you're near me_

**- Thank You/Dido**

Memories are generally like a flood, guarded by the gate, a mind block that comes with a long, established learning. Once the gate opens, generally, there's no sealing it shut again. Not a second time, no.

It had been a long time ago, during autumn, if Sakura wasn't wrong, at school with painting class being the end of classes for the school day. Sakura had skipped halfway home with Tomoyo, Touya, and Yukito. When her best friend and she had parted ways she then found her way home with her brother and his friend.

_She'd_ thought he was just a friend, anyway.

The gate had been opened and closed behind, as Sakura removed her roller skates on the front porch and made her way into the house to have smelt a very acrid pong in the air. It was faint, like it'd filled the house over a few hours, but it was there nonetheless.

Touya had instructed Sakura to go into her room, sit with Yukito's CD-man, earphones in her ear and listen to whatever it played.

"Whatever you do, don't come out okay? No matter what you hear,"

Sakura remembered nodding, going to her room and doing exactly as he'd said. She hadn't even moved to bring her soft toy from the bed case. She simply sat on the chair and played the first track on whatever CD was already in the device.

That was probably the first time she'd heard Bach.

That was also probably the first time Sakura had smelt coke in her life.

*.*

The man with the long, smooth hair stood with Syaoran's paintings in front of him, scrutinizing them with his beady cat eyes, silver and sparkling in acceptance... or rejection? This had to be worse than even testing for cancer. The wait was endless, and the man chose pin drop silence as he looked through the paintings.

Syaoran stood in a corner of his office, looking over some of the small keepsakes in it and wondering where the man had collected them. What was his name? Syaoran wondered, as he looked around the room. God, this would be embarrassing. Imagine if there would be an instance where Syaoran would have to address the man by his name.

"I'm impressed," the man looked away from all seven canvases and pulled out a cigar case from his desk, offering Syaoran one. Syaoran declined.

Dark gray puffs filled the air for mere seconds before dissolving, leaving only the smell as proof of their emission.

"I take it these past few months have been eventful?"

Syaoran didn't nod.

"Clow would obviously like to speak with you,"

Clow. The man, who was responsible for this showcase, for Exhibit, would like to speak with him? Syaoran didn't say anything. He was speechless, to be exact.

"Maybe during the Exhibit, Clow is busy in Beijing this time around. As you can see, I handle all the selections and candidates,"

Syaoran finally found it in him to nod.

"That will be all," the man took one more puff of his cigar and turned to face the open window. Syaoran wondered if he was supposed to take the paintings with him or leave them with the man.

"Thank you, uh," he eyed the canvases one last time and almost turned to leave.

"Oh," the man turned around. "I never did give you my name,"

Syaoran stood stunned. No wonder.

"You may call me Yue,"

He _may_ call him Yue? Who did the man think he was, Thor? This only gets weirder and weirder.

"Uh, thanks, Yue,"

"We shall meet soon, Syaoran Li,"

Syaoran somehow didn't like the way the man said his name.

*.*

On occasion, Lillian liked to spray paint on old torn down walls as and when asked by owners. It wasn't much of a job, and she pretty much did it for free, but it was fun to go along and just watch her work. She was a little eccentric in the way she did things, especially in the way she painted, but it was fun to watch nonetheless.

Syaoran walked with cans of spray paint out of the car and stood in front of the most worn down wall he'd ever seen. The bricks looked like they could fall off in bits if anyone even brushed by it accidentally.

"Why do you do these stupid things?" he questioned Lillian irritably as he placed the cans near the wall. "You complain about not having a real job and then you do this, waste time on the streets and in broken-down subway ruins."

Lillian said nothing as she stood watching the wall as if it were alive. Syaoran growled, exasperated.

"You're really starting to get on my nerves," he muttered as he scratched his chin. "What are you supposed to be doing here?"

"Role models, apparently. Any suggestions?"

"Gandhi," Syaoran said, without thinking twice.

Lillian looked at him with a twinkle in her eye. "I like that. I'm going to do that."

Syaoran didn't do much as he sat his behind on the ice cold pavement and watched Lillian get to work. She brought out her bandana, an old coat over the coat and pants she was already wearing. The weather seemed to only be getting colder as the hours passed by, one after the other.

"Let's take a lunch break," Syaoran told her as he eyed the graffiti on the wall. Lillian had managed to paint the background plain beige and started on an outline of Gandhi in black. He wondered how all these famous people had such a distinct physique. Take Gandhi for instance. There's no way even the silhouette of the man can be mistaken.

A five minute drive later they arrived at a nearby burger joint. Syaoran didn't really feel like having burgers but he agreed. Lillian had a lot of work to get done, after all, and it was already noon.

"Tell me a quote of Gandhi's you like," Lillian between slurps of her orange cooler. Currently the two of them were perched on a wall outside the cafe, facing the road.

"An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind," Syaoran stated, suddenly feeling the urge to get high again. It was so strange. He hadn't felt it in days. Maybe mourning over the loss of Sakura did that. Lillian slurped some more. The noise made his skin crawl, his tongue dry. It made him want to smoke a little more, made him wonder who he could go to get his hands on some.

"Where there is love there is life," Lillian quoted.

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." Syaoran tried this time. This was fun. It kept his mind off his own shit.

"Too long," Lillian punched in as she bit her burger. Till the end of their meal they remained quiet. Finally, it was Syaoran who broke that silence as they made their way to the car to head back to the site.

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world,"

Lillian looked over the car. "Be the change. Hmm. I like it."

Syaoran grinned at her before getting into the car.

Sometime between nine and ten in the night Lillian had finally finished. A fine, distinct black outlined Gandhi's head while the words were sprawled across the lower part of the wall. Lillian had done a brilliant job of it.

By the time Syaoran got into bed, the urge was completely gone.

*.*

After having submitted the paintings Syaoran really had no purpose in life. A week away from the Exhibit he now spent most of his time catching up on some old reading work and looking for old bookstores and the like. It kept his mind busy but sometimes, the smallest stray thought would come settle into his head.

Like this particular day, as he lazed on his couch, he glanced, albeit by mistake, at Sakura's balcony. It was open. He sat up straight, wondering what had brought that on. He then looked away, slowly, unhappily.

Was she alone?

The doorbell saved him from his heavy thinking, though it made him wonder if Sakura had caught him snooping and now came over. Wishful thinking, it was called, and it was called so for a reason.

"Hello," came Lillian's greeting, thickened by her accent and appearance.

"What're you doing here?"

"Thought I'd come see my chum. Why? Is that a problem?"

Syaoran felt an invisible line being crossed somewhere, somehow, but he shook his head at it.

"I thought we'd hang out, watch some TV," she shrugged off her coat and threw it on the kitchen counter. Syaoran sighed. The girl was loud, obnoxious and messy.

"I was actually doing some reading." He told her as a matter-of-factly.

"Read aloud then,"

"I don't read aloud."

"Fine, I'll read aloud." She grabbed his book and read the title. "The Time Keeper. Huh."

"I was on the third page." Syaoran sat with his legs up on the coffee table and his back relaxed against the cushions of his couch. God that felt good. He'd been a ridiculously useless that day and yet he felt so tired.

"Imagine a life without timekeeping," she started. "You probably can't. You know the month, the year, the day of the week. There is a clock on your wall or the dashboard of your car. You have a schedule, a calendar, a time for dinner or a movie. Yet all around you, timekeeping is ignored. Birds are not late. A dog does not check its watch. Deer do not fret over passing birthdays. Man alone measures time. Man alone chimes the hour. And, because of this, man alone suffers a paralyzing fear that no other creature endures— Syaoran," Lillian tapped Syaoran on the head lightly at first, and then she slapped him straight.

"What? What?" he got up anxious. When had he fallen asleep?

"If you find it so boring why would you read it?"

"I don't find it boring, I find it relaxing."

Lillian hummed. "Been a little on the edge, have you?"

Syaoran hummed back.

"Syaoran,"

He opened one eye lazily.

"Would you hate me very much if I kissed you right now?"

In another world, that question would have scared Syaoran just a little bit. Fact was, it did in this world too. Yet, he sat still with his hands over his chest, his eyes now open.

"Lillian,"

"I know, I know. You're still in love with Sakura, and you might never stop and blah blah blah." She now leaned in, her face too close to his. "Haven't you thought about moving on, though?"

For the first time in a long time, Syaoran went blank. Move on? Sure, Syaoran had thought about giving up hope on the entire idea of Sakura but... moving on? Then, all thoughts left him. Not a single thing went through his head as she came closer, leaned in a little more and gently rubbed her lips over his pursed ones.

That was when Syaoran finally stood up and pushed her away.

Of all the things unholy and impure.

"Lillian,"

"Don't,"

"I'm sorry, Lillian. I didn't think—"

"I know."

"I don't think I can—"

"I know, doll."

Syaoran felt his breath, shallow and heavy, as he tried to calm himself.

"I don't want to lose you. We're friends, right? Can we forget this happened?" Lillian asked him with her hands clasped in her lap.

Syaoran hugged her then, his face in her hair. She smelled of peaches, and it smelled all wrong. So wrong that he almost pulled away, but he stayed still. Rejecting her once had been bad enough.

"You are my best friend, Lillian Fitzgerald," he pulled away to look into her eyes, his hands on her cheeks. "And you would make some guy very lucky,"

"Just not you,"

"Don't say that. It's not just because of Sakura, you know."

"I know." She pulled away.

"No." He pulled her back. "It's not you, either.

"I know saying it's not you, it's me is going to be so cliché, but that's what it is. Right now,** I** am the problem. I'm screwed up, Lill, and I have no way of making you happy right now. I don't think I can function normally in a relationship right now, not until I know I will not slip back to my old ways for certain.

"I left Sakura because I wasn't good enough to be hers, right now. That means I'm not good enough to be yours, or anyone else's either. So please, don't let this hurt you. Don't take it personally. I love you, Lillian. You have no idea what a good friend you've been; the best in fact. The best friend I've ever had.

"You've been my rock, Lill. I will always be in your debt for what you've done for me these past few months. You were there for me when I needed you the most. Thank you," he kissed her cheek and wiped her eyes. "Thank you,"

Lillian said nothing as she pulled away. She said nothing when she sat back on the couch and resumed reading either.

She didn't say anything when she left.

_I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life_  
_Oh just to be with you is having the best day of my life_

* * *

**QUESTION: **If you could go back, change something, what would it be?

I myself am not too happy with this chapter, maybe I'll work on changing it. What did you guys think?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	41. xxxx

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, Lisa Note, lhaine07, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo:

I wouldn't change a thing. Trust me, life's been hard. I'm having a shit day. But I wouldn't change it. None of it.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxx._

_Our favorite place we used to go_  
_The warm embrace that no one knows_  
_The loving look that's left your eyes_  
_That's why this comes as no, as no surprise_

_-_ **No Surprise/Daughtry**

"Tell me about how it's been." Kaho had asked as soon as Syaoran took a seat. He sighed before answering.

"Not so good,"

"How much have you wanted to smoke?"

"Ten, Kaho," Syaoran looked scornful while saying the number. "A big perfect ten,"

Kaho leaned over the table and looked him in the eye. "I know a good facility you can check into ASAP."

Syaoran didn't think to refuse.

"Is that what you think I need?" he asked, unsure now of his own self control. He'd rated his urge a ten, hadn't he?

"I can advice you on what I think you need, but I could never tell you what you need better than you can. What do you think?" she asked him as she took off her glasses. Syaoran shrugged, wondering himself. Is that what he needed to do? Rehab? Was he that far gone? He wasn't so sure he could be a good judge of that anymore.

"Think about it, then." Kaho suggested. "It's a good time to do so. You'll be done with the Exhibit in two days, and then you'll get your bachelor's and master's. If you think you need professionals handling you, that group therapy hasn't been helpful enough, then so be it."

Syaoran felt defeated. His face must have shown his disappointment.

"It's better to ask for help than to relapse, Syaoran. Be strong, and proud, that you were brave enough to ask for it."

Syaoran picked up his bag and left then, informing her he'd be missing the next session.

*.*

Tomoyo asked Sakura something that she didn't catch as they walked with their cycles back home from the river. That weekend, Sakura had shown Tomoyo her new way of relaxation. Tomoyo had taken to it instantly.

"Sakura?"

"What'd you say?"

"I asked you if you're going to Syaoran's Exhibit?"

Pig tails. Red scrunchies. Black and white school uniform.

"Will you be coming to my PTA meeting, daddy?" she'd asked her father over dinner, a few nights after Touya had gone off to college.

"Daddy?"

She remembered his eyes, translucent and red, as they dilated and his skin blanched.

He'd looked right through her.

"Daddy? Daddy?"

"Sakura?"

Sakura blinked twice before realizing she hadn't heard Tomoyo again. Or had she?

"What'd you say, Tomoyo? Sorry, I'm kind of distracted today."

Tomoyo sighed. "Are you going?"

"Where?"

"To Syaoran's showcasing,"

Sakura sighed. "I don't know if I should be there."

"I'm sure he wants to see you there. You owe him that much, at least."

Did she really owe him anything at all?

"Well, I'm just letting you know that I have to go." She pulled to a halt and pulled up her long black hair into a knot as the sun rose quietly over the cold, white city of Glasgow.

"I know you do."

Somewhere, some part of Sakura was letting her know that she had to go too.

*.*

"You know something strange?" Jordan was speaking this time, his eyes downcast and his hood up. "The strangest thing, in fact, is the urge to call your loved ones when you're desperate for a drink, a smoke, the high. It's so strange how we start wanting to be closer to them, how we regret pushing them away, how everything's so... distant all of a sudden, when you meant it to be that way, when you yourself made the decision to push away.

"You know the best _and_ worst part? Moms are angels. They weren't lying about that."

He stopped speaking after that, as if that was supposed to make all the sense in the world. As if that one line alone was supposed to mean something more than life itself.

Syaoran felt the pang in his chest, realizing how closely he'd connected to Jordan's words until the part about mothers had come up. He wanted to say something, contradict it, and tell the world how untrue it could be. Was it just him who was cursed to being motherless, weren't there others out there? Others who could understand... others who could relate? Others who could confirm that he wasn't the only one whose mother had lost interest in?

He held onto the words on the tip of his tongue as tightly as he could.

Not always.

He closed his eyes when Rita started to speak.

Not always.

*.*

"_So, I heard dad called you." _

"Hmm,"

"_What're you planning on doing?"_

"What I've always done."

"_Sakura,"_

"Touya."

"_Fine, be that way. Just don't do something you may regret later."_

"That sounds more like a threat,"

"_He misses you, Sakura."_

"He missed my Graduation, Touya."

"_He wants to know you again. Try, again."_

"Yeah? Most fathers know what degrees their daughters have by default."

"Sakura, you're being difficult. It doesn't have to be this difficult."

"_You know I forgave him, Touya. I forgave him a long, long time ago. Just because I forgave the man doesn't mean I have to make the same mistakes again."_

Sigh.

"He doesn't even call me on my birthday anymore. I don't even think he remembers."

"_He's been through a lot, Sakura. Think about how you'd feel if you lost your love, your other half, your soul mate."_

"Soul mates are a stretch, even for you."

"_Fine, think of it as losing Syaoran then. You love the guy, don't you? How do you think you'd feel if you lost him?"_

Silence.

"_Sakura?"_

Silence.

"_Dear God, you guys broke up. Why didn't you... why didn't anyone tell me?"_

Sigh.

"What do you want from me, Touya?"

"_I want you to come home, Sakura."_

"I'll think about it, alright? I'm hanging up, now."

"_Don't think I didn't notice how you avoided talking about it. Don't forget, I know where the boy lives. Please don't make me beat it out of him."_

*.*

Syaoran looked a little tense in his reflection as he adjusted his tie. Lillian had helped him dress up, along with Mei Ling. They'd chosen a black suit and white shirt, with a black tie.

He hadn't worn a tie in a long while. The last time he'd worn a suit was when they'd gone to dinner to Ebony and Ivory with Sakura and Tomoyo. Were they going to be there tonight?

Would Sakura be there?

"You look lovely, my friend." Lillian came to the bathroom and leaned by the door. "You clean up good."

Syaoran tried to smile. It came off as a nauseated look instead. Lillian sighed and walked over to him.

"Let me do the knot," she told him and went about the job. Easy as it was usually, that night the task had been a pain to perform. Syaoran didn't protest when she offered. Truth be told Syaoran had thought things would be awkward between the girl and him, now that... he'd rejected her. Things seemed fine. For that, Syaoran would be eternally glad. He wouldn't forgive himself if he hurt Lillian. She was stupid, and obnoxious, and a little off putting, but she was a good person.

The smell of musk and flowers was light, but present. Lillian had worn perfume. The lavender coloured evening gown then filled his vision.

"You look nice," he offered her a compliment. She nodded with a frown on her face, concentrating on the knot. With a pat to his chest, she gestured the finish of the knot.

"I've never done this before," Syaoran announced. "Show... lots of people my work."

Lillian patted his cheek then. "Get used to it, mate. This is just the beginning."

Syaoran followed Lillian out of the bathroom with his nerves on edge.

What he wouldn't give to just... ease the edge off a little.

Maybe he could get drunk after the Exhibit.

Who was he kidding? He wanted to get high and walk through the whole thing in a hazy blur and recollect it all the next day, instead of facing it in the present.

This was going to be the toughest day of his life.

*.*

People were bustling around Glasgow Hall like royalty, with their hairs done up and their jewels shining bright on their wrists, necks, ears. It was a sight for Sakura as she entered, suddenly regretting coming alone. Why'd she reject going with Mei Ling and Tomoyo again?

She didn't want to run into Syaoran. Not yet, anyway.

"Hello ma'am, and welcome to the Exhibit. Shall I escort you into the building?" a man in a red coat and trousers asked. Sakura shook her head, smiled and walked through the open doors, into the burst of colours splattered all over the canvases, hung proudly under dim lights on the walls. They seemed like stories, like pieces of life waiting to be told.

Sakura passed by many paintings, appreciating some, and passing by the others mindlessly. More than running into Syaoran, Sakura's skin felt as if alive as she awaited his paintings. Finally, she turned a corner, and entered a corridor along the walls of which were Syaoran's pride and joy. Sakura would know them anywhere, know the colour and duly used method anywhere. She stood transfixed on the first one.

"Weeping Rock," A man announced next to her in a low voice. His long black hair and monocle struck her odd, immediately making her alert. He was maybe fifty, or sixty, but she couldn't really tell. Sakura looked back at the painting, mesmerized.

"It's beautiful,"

"It looks like it's been painted while the artist was on the pavement himself does it not?" he asked her curiously as he brought a finger to his chin. Sakura realized that he was right. If judged correctly, the painting had been as though from someone's view point, like someone was watching it, painting it.

"It must've been an important night, if the artist were so insistent on bringing it to life. The rain looks rather brutal to be sitting in, uncomfortable even."

He couldn't have been more wrong. Syaoran had been high that night; he couldn't feel anything, see anything, or hear anything. Yet, every time he painted from that night, it all seemed so real, like it had really happened, like they'd met the way they had, like they'd parted like they had.

Would she be here tonight, the girl with the red hair?

"Come, let us move on."

Sakura looked at him dubiously.

"I am sorry, where are my manners? I am Clow Hiiragizawa, but you may call me Clow." He bowed respectfully. Sakura bowed back.

"I am Sakura,"

"Ah, a lovely name. I take it you hail from Japan?"

"Tomoeda, actually,"

"I see. I myself hail from Hong Kong, China, but I prefer my home be here, in Glasgow. I am very partial to the city, the rain, and the people. Have you been here very long?"

"A few years,"

He hummed in response and offered her his hand. Sakura couldn't do much else but take it. They walked through the corridor together, observing Syaoran's paintings one at a time. They passed by the one of her that Syaoran had painted while they were still together... it was painful to even look at it. Sakura turned away to the opposite wall and saw a door, half open, letting in large drops of rain. Through it came a sliver of light, bringing with it hope, it looked like.

Were all paintings so meaningful? Sakura asked herself. Were they all so... God!

"Very interesting," Clow stopped at a one of a woman. At first, Sakura had thought it was her. Her gasp was almost immediate, though, as she realized who it was.

It was Syaoran's mother.

"Something the matter?" he asked her. Sakura shook her head without a glance at him. The painting had been far too big a shock.

Had he found his mother after all? Had they made up, sorted things out?

"Lovely, isn't it?" Clow commented. "I think I'm going to make my bid on this one."

Sakura looked at him then.

"You find that strange? You may be right; the other paintings are worth far more. But this one, it has a certain grace in its sadness. The woman is clearly pained as she shields herself away with the umbrella. The black she wears, that adorns this painting, it signifies mourning, as though someone has just died. I might be wrong, but it looks like the artist is mourning the loss of this woman."

Sakura looked at him, perplexed at how the man had guessed so much without knowing Syaoran. Was art this deep? Were art collectors that good at guessing what went behind a painting, the story of its origins, the depths of its despairs?

"It is lovely," Sakura affirmed a minute later, after she'd gotten over her initial shock.

The next painting was one of a girl leaning into her own reflection, the mirror shattered, the umbrella red; the girl's face a mystery as the reflection is jarred. After that was the painting of a two balconies across a road, facing each other on a rainy day. Sakura smiled at that one. Syaoran didn't even bother masking the colours of their buildings, the structure of their balconies.

Next, and the last, was the painting of two lovers walking in the rain, their bodies far away from the viewer, but their love apparent.

"Ah, love." Clow had commented quietly as he adjusted his monocle. Sakura cleared her throat, realizing that was the end of their little excursion.

"Thank you for escorting me, Clow."

"It was my pleasure, dear Sakura."

Sakura left the corridor and searched for Syaoran, suddenly needing to give her appreciation to him, whether it mattered to him or not. Suddenly, she had all the answers. Suddenly, Glasgow didn't feel as much like home as it did two seconds ago.

_It's no surprise I won't be here tomorrow_

_I can't believe that I stayed till today_

* * *

**QUESTION: **What was your favourite CCS episode?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	42. xxxxi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, lhaine07, Randomsam123, PrincessNevermore, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, Gina, SweetSeductionCherryB, deadflo:

Sorry about the delayed update you guys. Days have been hard, personal problems will never give it a rest. Men suck. That's the moral of the story.

My Fav CCS episode HAS to be the one in the elevator. Come on, guys. Syaoran was just SO cute. I love Syaoran. My first anime love. *dreamy smile*

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxxi._

_I'm not a perfect person_  
_There's many things I wish I didn't do_  
_But I continue learning_  
_I never meant to do those things to you_  
_And so I have to say before I go__  
_

**_-_ Reason/Hoobastank  
**

Over the bundles of people piling in and out, Syaoran caught sight of Chiharu and... Sakura's ex-boyfriend?

"Hey," he hugged Chiharu and greeted her, his eyes on the man beside her all the while. "Glad you could come."

"I'm glad I came. Syaoran, this is my boyfriend, Yamazaki."

Syaoran raised his eyebrows. This was something.

"Nice to see you again," Yamazaki stated with a grin, his handshake firm. Syaoran wanted to squeeze the life out of him. First Sakura and now Chiharu? Just what was this man playing at?

"You too," he responded stonily.

"Again?" Chiharu had noticed. "When'd you meet him before?"

Syaoran wanted to stop him, to tell him not to say anything. He didn't bother though. It didn't matter now, anyway. Besides, this was Chiharu. He could trust her to shut up.

"Sakura was dating Syaoran."

"Really?" Chiharu turned to Yamazaki. "Wow. She didn't look like his type."

"Who did you think was that girl in his paintings, love?"

Chiharu gasped. "Are you serious?" she turned to Syaoran then. "That's the girl? The one you talked about? Sakura? The ONE? I don't believe it!" she gasped her question as though it was improbable. Syaoran sighed. He said nothing, thinking about how she knew Sakura. Did Yamazaki make it a habit to introduce new girlfriends to older ones? Syaoran wondered how he got away with that without bloodshed. He caught Eriol walking around with a drink and decided to make his escape.

He excused himself and made his way to him.

"God, I could use a drink." He told Eriol as they stood against a wall near a random photograph.

"Hmmm, so... you're the talk of the town. How does it feel?"

"Incredibly gut wrenching. This entire thing was a fluke. I was a mess before the Exhibit. I never thought I'd make it."

"You did, though."

Syaoran looked at him then. "I did."

"Where's your sister?" Eriol questioned after taking a sip.

"Around, I guess."

"And the blonde diva?"

Syaoran chuckled. "Don't bother. She's not about to fall for you. You're not her type."

"We'll just see about that."

Syaoran smirked. If only Lillian were that easy.

"Syaoran?"

Syaoran would have recognized that voice anywhere. His eyes closed shut after the realization as he thanked God for this miracle just before turning around to see her in all her glory. He couldn't believe still.

Sakura was here.

She came. By everything that was blessed, she looked so good. No memory of their time together had done her justice. It had been so long since he'd seen her last. It had been a month, maybe even more. Already it was two days to Christmas, the day he'd been hoping to spend with Sakura. Now, he'd be spending it alone.

"You came." He smiled stupidly, all thirty two teeth on display.

"I had to," she took a step closer. "I saw your work. Syaoran... it was... I'm speechless."

Syaoran smile broadened. "Thank you. That means a lot to me." He took into account her dress, a black one, and her hair. He noticed her ears. She was wearing his earrings.

"I think... I..." she stuttered.

"Tell me," Syaoran urged her on.

"I'm going back home, to Japan. I mean, it's probably temporary, but I am going home." She told him. Syaoran blanched. Of all the things he was hoping to hear, this was the last of them.

"What?"

"I... Touya thinks I should go back. You're actually the first person I've told this to."

"What about your job?"

"I've been meaning to make my way back home, Syaoran. I have to do this. I'll find something else. My kids will make do on their own."

"I can't believe you're leaving Glasgow."

"Hmm,"

"Please tell me this isn't because of—"

"No, Syaoran." Sakura's expressions were firm, her eyes greener usual. "It isn't you. I'm sorry, but you know we had to break off, we had no choice. I had no choice. Still, that doesn't make this trip back about you. Sure, I came to see you here. I want to know you're doing okay, that you're moving on. That you didn't waste this chance here," she gestured around the room. "With all this talent. You should be proud, Syaoran. You've made a place for yourself here, and you fit right in. You are so skilled at what you do. I'm glad you're building on that."

Syaoran couldn't think of anything to say, anything else to do to make her stay and right now, that was all he was focused on: making her stay.

"Will you keep in touch at least?"

"Syaoran—"

"Come on, Sakura. We can keep in touch. We can Email? I know things haven't exactly been perfect but we can be friends, can't we?"

Sakura smiled at him in that knowing and thoughtful way, in that way that made him feel smaller than a turtle. It was like she knew something he didn't, like she was holding something back, as usual.

"I'll see you off if you want," he tried to beg one last time.

Sakura took a breath before closing the distance between them and bringing her lips to his cheek, a little too close to his mouth. Syaoran didn't move, couldn't move.

"Goodbye, Syaoran."

His heart was thudding loudly in his chest, against his bones, in his ears. He turned around and watched as she left. The pain was so real once again, like it was happening all over again, like they were breaking up all over again. Why, though, was it so painful this time? It felt worse than the last time. Why was it so anguished and sickeningly red, like he'd been bleeding, like he'd broken all his bones?

He watched as she went out of sight and trailed, suddenly forgetting everything. He followed behind her slowly, quietly, till she took her coat and vanished out the doors, into the outside realm he had no control over. He couldn't follow her out there. Out there, she was in her own turf. Out there, Syaoran had no right to follow.

So he stood near the doors, people coming in and going out from time to time, watching as she disappeared into her car and drove away.

He stood outside on the pavement as the snow fell melancholically.

*.*

"Syaoran?"

Most days Syaoran would have responded to his name, said he was right there, standing outside in the dark, cold alleyway with nothing but his coat jacket on.

"Syaoran?"

Somehow, this day, this time, Syaoran didn't have the strength to respond to that call. It sounded like Lillian, Syaoran realized idly as he stood against the bare brick wall. A few streets down from Glasgow Hall was rather different from Glasgow Hall itself. Suddenly quiet, very dingy, and deserted. It was well over midnight and the Exhibit had probably ended. Syaoran hadn't even met Clow, but he doubted that Clow had even turned up. He'd call Yue and check up on how the bidding had gone.

"Okay, this is getting rather pissing off, mate. Where the hell are you?"

Syaoran sighed in the dark, deciding to break through the silence. "Over here,"

It was only a matter of seconds before Lillian appeared before him, wearing a lush grey mink coat. She looked warm, warmer than he felt right then. Getting high would have helped with the cold. Getting high would have helped with Sakura, too. Somehow, between the thoughts of the cold and Sakura, Kaho's patient gaze weasled its way through and made him sigh, the air white as snow as he exhaled.

"What the hell are you doing?" she questioned. "It's freaking freeze!"

Syaoran had felt the icy cold weather on his skin even before he'd left the Exhibit. It didn't matter though, because somehow it didn't weigh out on the gut wrenchingly awful pain he felt in his chest.

"She's leaving,"

"Who?"

"Sakura," he wanted to ask her if he'd ever obsessed over any other 'her'.

"Oh," Lillian sounded disappointed, upset somehow. Syaoran knew Lillian thought he was over her. If only she were right and he were over her. If only he hadn't been pathetic enough to pine away after her after she'd left him, made it clear she didn't want him in his life.

God, he was pathetic.

There was no other word for it.

Pathetic. It was the only word.

"Let's go back, okay?" Lillian started softly, holding his elbow. "Let's go in and then we can talk about it."

Syaoran complied. For once, he didn't resist.

Truth was he should have resisted help from Sakura, all those months ago, on that cold, rainy night. Then, all his problems would have been sorted. He would have still been a happy drug addict, would not have felt two flying squirts of guilt for sleeping with Nakuru, and wouldn't have bothered with anything but his art. Instead, on the best night of his life, here he stood, worrying about a future without a woman! God, what had he come to?

Lillian held his hand all the way back. He realized then that he regretted meeting Sakura. If only he'd never met her.

*.*

Mei Ling had been with Tomoyo when Syaoran had been dragged through the doors of Glasgow Hall. The two of them had been waiting patiently, quietly, in each other's company. Mei Ling was the first to see them. Her smile fell as she observed Syaoran. She approached them, Tomoyo in tow.

Now, he was even jealous of his sister and her lesbian lover. Hell, he'd kill to be gay right now if it meant he didn't have to go through this bullshit.

"What's wrong?" Mei Ling asked, Tomoyo by her side.

"Sakura's leaving." Lillian announced impassively. "Supposedly making hell out of Syaoran's night is what the woman lives for."

Syaoran looked at Lillian, his eyes afire. What the hell happened to calling her Miss Sakura and what the hell happened to the girl who worshipped the very ground on which that same Miss Sakura walked on?

"I suggest you watch what you say about Sakura," Tomoyo interjected, her voice stern. Syaoran had never heard her voice like that before. It appeared there was many a thing he didn't know about these people that came with Sakura, or even Sakura herself.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize the I-Heart-Sakura fan club extended on to you as well."

"I think you should stay out of it."

"Make me,"

Syaoran groaned. "Guys,"

"I don't need to make a girl who has nothing better to do with her life than pick petty fights do anything. I think you aren't saintly yourself, so you don't really have the right to pass judgment right now. Excuse me while I go find my best friend."

Syaoran didn't need to hear Tomoyo say anymore.

Sakura hadn't told her own best friend she'd decided to leave town.

"I thought things were better," Mei Ling started. Syaoran had half expected her to leave behind the fuming Tomoyo. "I thought you were doing better."

_I am_; he wanted to say.

_I am. _

_I just have no self control when it comes to Sakura._

"What do you want to do?" his cousin asked him helplessly. Truth was, if she knew what had to be done, she would have done it. Then again, she didn't know what to do and right now, neither he.

"I want to run away." He sighed.

"Run away?"

"Go away, escape this, and leave it all behind. I'm so sick of this."

Mei Ling didn't need to hear more it seemed.

"So let's do it. Let's leave it all behind."

Syaoran looked at her wearily. "How?"

"Let's go back home, Xiao Lang."

Syaoran didn't fight it. A split second was all it took to make a decision. He didn't fight it when Sakura had picked him off the streets, he wouldn't fight back now.

"Okay."

"Really?" Mei Ling's tone was that of surprise.

Syaoran thought about his mother, his father, his sisters. He thought of Chiharu, of Yamazaki, of Kaho. He thought about his cousin, her lover, his lover.

He thought about Sakura, her brother, and her father. He thought about her dog, her green, green, eyes, her laugh. He thought about how much he would miss her, how this would be the end if he chose to say the words, to seal the deal and make his way back.

He couldn't do this anymore, this constant battle raging on in himself, not knowing when he'd crack and give it all up was an excruciating thing and he just wanted to fall down and let life take him where it may.

"Let's go home, Mei. I want to go home."

_And the reason is You_

* * *

**QUESTION: **Who is your role model?

Have you ever made those split second decisions? Somethings that come up and force you to decide, one way or another? I have. It's weird, but I guess I always regret them later. Can't say much about Syaoran though.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	43. xxxxii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, lhaine07, Randomsam123, xXBlossomofShadowsXx, ginnna, deadflo:

My role model's have varied over the past few years. From Gandhi, to my dad, to my little sister... have quite a few. Right now, though, it's my mom. God, there's a bit I have to learn from that woman.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxxii._

_There's a realm above the trees,_

_where the lost are finally found._

_Touch your feathers to the breeze_

_and leave the ground._

**_-_ To The Sky/Owl City**

An envelope marked to Kaho Mizuki had appeared on her desk one early morning when she came into work. Kaho opened it patiently, not really knowing what to expect.

_Kaho,_

_I'm going home with my sister. I know what you said, I haven't forgotten it, and I will contact you if I need to. I give you my word._

_Thank you. For everything._

_Syaoran_

Kaho had simply folded the letter back and placed it into the envelope.

That, she hadn't been expecting. No, not really. She wondered if she should call Touya and tell him about it. She would have to. The boy was leaving the group therapy without approval.

More than anything, she hoped this trip back home was everything Syaoran needed. No, it was more like she knew. She knew it would be everything he needed.

Now all Syaoran had to do was take the chance life was handing over to him on a silver plate and use it diligently.

*.*

"Yue will see you now, Mr. Li." The kind, short, black haired woman told Syaoran as he stood staring at the picture of that year's advertisement of the Exhibit.

**Sponsored by Clow**, it said at the end of the large elegantly done poster. Syaoran sighed and walked to Yue's office. He opened the door and found Yue standing over some documents, looking rather ruffled.

"Good morning, Syaoran."

"Hey," Syaoran responded half heartedly. Somehow, that poster had caught his eye and his mind was still on it.

"I believe this is yours," Yue told him while handing over a cheque. Syaoran barely glanced over it before he spoke again. "All your paintings have been bid on and sold. Congratulations."

Syaoran nodded. "Thank you. Who bid on them?"

"That's something I can't disclose, I'm afraid."

Syaoran raised an eyebrow.

Huh.

"That will be all, then, Syaoran." Yue dismissed him. Syaoran was suddenly glad for the man with the strange features being so outright about his wishes and commands. Before leaving, though, Syaoran had to know one thing.

"Was Clow there last night?" he paused when Yue looked up at him. "Did he come?"

"I wouldn't know, Syaoran. I, myself, wasn't present. Why?" he asked Syaoran, his eyes narrowing in curiosity.

"No reason."

Then, he left.

*.*

"I can't believe you've decided to leave the country over an ex-girlfriend." Lillian started as soon as Syaoran had opened the door.

"Hello to you too,"

Lillian turned around, her expression far from amused. "Tell me something, though. While you're here abstaining from love and life, what's your ex-girlfriend doing out there for you, other than hanging on to an ex-boyfriend and leaving the country to do God knows what."

Syaoran suddenly didn't like the way she was speaking about Sakura.

"All she cared about was herself; leaving you the way she did before the Exhibit without anything to help you by. God, she didn't even stop to think what it would have done to your career!"

Syaoran didn't speak.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" Lillian asked, probably having sensed his irritation finally.

"I don't ever remember bitching out my girlfriend to you." He started in a low voice. "Somehow, I don't like what this has done to your impression of Sakura. Whatever it is, it's between her and me, and you need to learn that she's still the teacher that showed you the way. None of this changes that."

Lillian took a breath. "I'm sorry. I'm just so annoyed—"

"I know."

"And so jealous that she still affects you this way."

Syaoran sighed. "She is still the same Sakura that helped you out when you needed it."

"I know."

Somewhere outside throughout the city, a snowstorm had begun, slowly at first, and then building its way into the city, the snow cold and wet against its roads, its pavements, its buildings and its people. Somehow, it brought the cold into the apartment, no matter how high the temperature had been on the heater.

"I like how you called me the night before instead of at the airport tomorrow. Avoiding emotional drama in public?"

"We won't be going to the airport."

"Oh?"

"It's a private airfield."

"My, my. Now all you need is a cave and a bat-mobile." Lillian grinned at him. Syaoran grinned back. She then came forward and hugged him, somehow more cautious than the last time, as if she was afraid of him.

"This feels like goodbye." She whispered.

"It isn't forever. I'll come back."

"Hmm,"

Through dinner they sat quietly, munching on their food without many words exchanged.

"I'll get a cellphone if you keep in touch," she told him slyly. Syaoran couldn't help but laugh.

"This I'd love to see."

"You watch. I'm going to even get that latest apple phone thing. The I-feel?"

"I-touch, Lillian."

They laughed together. "That just sounds wrong." Lillian commented.

"Send me your number." He told her with finality, bidding farewell with a grip to her shoulder. She nodded and walked off, into the dark corridor and down the stairs.

As he watched her walk away, he realized how Lillian had suggested keeping in touch. He thought of how he'd suggested it to Sakura, of the slight shake of her head saying no to the idea.

*.*

Two days after, in the light of early morning, on Christmas morning, to be exact, Syaoran had gone over to Sakura's house with a familiar envelope in hand. He knew he had to let her know he was leaving, if not have his goodbye. He wondered if he should have brought along a letter instead of the sketch. After all, she'd been pretty insistent on him having it. What the use of that, though? Syaoran knew Sakura's face inside out, and he would never forget it. He would never forget her.

He placed the envelope gently on her welcome mat and stood against the door, wondering if she'd heard him outside, skulking around like some thief. There was no chance of that happening. Sakura would be sleeping, then rush to get ready for work. The woman was a clean freak, but couldn't save her life by waking up early for work.

Was this enough? Leaving behind an old rotten roughly drawn sketch as a goodbye, was it enough? He couldn't be sure if anything would be enough. He'd give her anything to avoid the goodbye altogether, maybe even decades off his life. He knew it'd be futile, though. Sakura was pretty clear about what she wanted, and she did not want him.

The walk to the cab waiting downstairs was a long one, and somehow a gloomy one. The snow had been relentless, if not erratic, over the past few days. He was surprised they could even travel by flight during this snow storm.

"Ready?" Mei Ling asked as he dragged himself over to the car. Literally.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked again. "With work and all that, I mean."

"Xiao Lang, I'm fine. I've found work already and I have to get back to Hong Kong anyway, so don't worry your sorry ass about it."

"What about Tomoyo?" he asked warily.

"What about her?"

"You'd be leaving her."

"That doesn't mean it's the end of the world."

"Isn't this going to make things difficult?"

"We're adults, Xiao Lang. We'll figure something out."

Syaoran didn't question her, or himself, anymore. The decision had been made to go back home and now it was time to see it through. Yes, he had his doubts still. Where would he go from there? What work would he get? What about his college certificates, his things? Mei Ling had assured him that all would be taken care of. Even so, he felt restless somehow. Like he was forgetting something, even though he knew he wasn't. Leaving Glasgow was harder than he'd thought it would be.

During takeoff Mei Ling held his hand. He never did like flying, even if it was on their private jet.

"It'll be okay," she told him in a low voice. "Think of it like going home after a good, long vacation."

Only it hadn't been a vacation, Syaoran thought, it had been home too. Home, where the weather was always cold, was that apartment across Sakura's, the apartment where he'd learned to live, learned to let go.

Syaoran wondered if his mother could feel that he was leaving. Mothers and sons were supposed to have that kind of relationship, weren't they? Some kind of maternal instinct, a sixth sense exclusive to the maternal bond that all those fairytales talked about? No, apparently not. He wondered what she must be doing, what she did for living, if she thought about him, if she wanted him in her life. They were the usual thoughts that sprang up in his mind when he thought of his mother. The irony of it all, he'd gone to Glasgow for one woman and then left it for another.

The familiar rustle of the jet was heard as the pressure rose, his ears clogging up. The sun had finally risen and sparked its way through the clouds. The jet moved forward as he bucked into his seat. It then picked up speed, the seat quivering at the sensation. They were air borne in less than two seconds after that.

Syaoran said a prayer, and asked God for mercy, as he left his former home, his former life, his former love. Somehow, he felt like his ties had been severed, like he was sprouting wings and flying himself. Somehow, just a simple takeoff, had freed him from the shackles of several things all at once. He'd wondered when those shackles had clasped on in the first place.

*.*

At the gateway of the small airfield, after luggage had been collected, Syaoran stood around disoriented, wondering where he was.

He was home. His real home, with his family, home. What did that even mean anyway, real home?

Mei Ling steered him out onto the streets as the Toyota steered in front them, the doors opening from the inside. Syaoran couldn't keep the smile from his face as his nephew's face came into view.

"Hey Caden,"

"Hey Uncle Lang."

"Scooch over, Caden. Let your uncle in the car at least?" came a very high pitched voice Syaoran hadn't heard in over a year.

"Sheifa?" he asked, unable to see her past Caden's tall and broad form.

"Yes, we can greet each other later. We're wasting time here." Feimei ordered.

"Please listen to your sister, Xiao Lang, and get into the car before we all lose our minds." Fuutie's small yet shrill voice came. Syaoran couldn't stop smiling.

"I can't believe you all came to pick me up!" he exclaimed as he got in the front with Wei who simply bowed. Syaoran bowed back. It was good to see old Wei.

"Well, our brother's finally home, isn't he? Of course we came to pick him up!"

"What about me, you doofuses?"

"Yes, Mei, we didn't forget you either." Fuutie said, then shrieked after that. Syaoran looked over his shoulder and found the two in a hug. Feimei was laughing. Caden watched in amusement. Sheifa poked at Mei's stomach from the backseats.

"Welcome back, Master Li." Wei had said before shuffling into first gear.

Somehow, it felt like he'd never left.

*.*

"So tell us how this year was in college," Feimei asked during lunch.

"College was fine. To be honest, it was a blur."

"Oh yeah?" his little niece quipped now. "What did you do this year then?"

Syaoran's eyes averted to Mei Ling's, who simply smiled.

"I don't know. Time just flew by, Ai. I missed you, though." He told her lovingly, with a pinch to her little cheek.

"I missed you too, Uncle Lang. Did you bring me back presents?"

Conversation with an eight year old was also so easy. No, he hadn't brought back anything. He hadn't thought about his niece and nephew in months, to be honest, and he felt guilty. Clearly they spent a good deal of time on thinking about their pitiful uncle. He promised to take her shopping the next day, maybe even buy her some jewellery. He'd bought her love and forgiveness with that. It was that simple.

Syaoran knew that in the adult world, it was never that simple.

"What're you doing after lunch, brother?" Sheifa asked him.

"Not much. I thought about getting some sleep."

"You can sleep when you're dead. We're going racing."

Syaoran shook his head. With any luck, his sister would kill him.

*.*

So, on that dull rainy afternoon, Syaoran and Sheifa set out with their helmets to bring out their go-karts. A long time ago, when his father had still been alive, Syaoran had convinced him into buying him and Sheifa a pair after they'd been go-karting in Tokyo. It'd been a wild, adrenaline filled evening of racing through the race course. While his father had been concerned about safety, he never really denied Syaoran anything.

So in front of him as the garage doors rose was the matching pair of black and yellow go-karts that looked just as bright and shiny as the day they'd arrived.

"Don't they look beautiful?" his sister asked him.

Syaoran could do nothing but buckle in. Sheifa plugged in her I-pod and gave him the thumbs up he was so familiar with before keying the engine.

God it was good to be home.

Through their own driveway they sped, Sheifa ahead sometimes, and the others, Syaoran. Round and round, till sunset, they raced, many times over. It felt like they were making up for lost time. It felt like over the rev of the engine, over the screech of tyres, he knew his sister all over again.

"Same time tomorrow," he told her as he got out, his breath in pants.

Sheifa let out her long, auburn hair from the helmet and grinned.

"You'd better count on it, brother."

Syaoran wondered if Sakura had ever raced in a go-kart.

_So bid the forest floor goodbye_

_as you race the wind_

_and you take to the sky_.

* * *

**QUESTION: **Do you believe in magic?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	44. xxxxiii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, , lhaine07, ginnna, deadflo:

Yes. I believe in magic. Magic is everything, and it is real. If it weren't for magic, you and I wouldn't be here. Truth of life.

A word to YonaxHak. She, apparently, thinks my story has made absolutely no progress so far and she thinks that I am boring her to death. Thank you for telling me what you felt. I understand, I wouldn't read a story too if it bored me. Thanks for your time anyway.

In other news, this story's DONE! Yes, that's right. Tattooed is officially done in writing. We've got exactly four chapters till the epilogue. :)

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxxiii._

_When I was younger_  
_I saw my daddy cry_  
_And curse at the wind_  
_He broke his own heart_  
_And I watched_  
_As he tried to reassemble it_

**_-_ The Only Exception/Paramore**

Kero's barks were loud that morning over the television as Sakura and Tomoyo tried to get as much work done as possible. Prancing between table cloths, jumping on piles and piles of clothes, Kero seemed to be having the time of his life. Between blanketing furniture and boxing up much needed belongings, Tomoyo decided to explain the reason for that sketch of Sakura's ending up at her doorstep one early morning.

"Mei Ling's left Glasgow," she paused then, putting in some scarves into a suitcase. "Syaoran went with her."

Sakura nodded nonchalantly. "How come?"

"I don't know. Mei Ling wouldn't say, really."

Sakura tucked her hair into a bun and huffed. "God, all this packing is exhausting."

"Which reminds me, why are you going home again?" Tomoyo asked her with her hands on her hips.

"I don't know. Don't you think it's time?"

"Time for what?" Tomoyo asked incredulously.

"Time to face my father?"

Tomoyo's eyes bored in Sakura's. "Sakura. It is never a good time to face your father but if that's what you think then fine."

Sakura sensed there shouldn't be more of a debate on the matter. She let that be and went on packing her collection of CDs and books.

"I need you to take care of Kero for me," Sakura told Tomoyo after sometime.

"Really? Sakura? A dog? As much as I love Kero, you know I don't have time for dogs."

"I can't take him with me and you know that. In any case, it's only temporary."

Tomoyo huffed as she dumped another load clothes in. "Fine. First chance I get I'm dropping him off."

Sakura smiled as she pet her sweet Kero, who'd been there with her through the hard times. She felt him tame beneath her touch and lay back on his belly for a rub. Sakura laughed. The dog was a real glutton for affection.

*.*

"I won't pretend I fully understand your reasons, Sakura, I just hope you know what you're doing." Tomoyo told her as she unloaded the trunk of the car with the few suitcases that Sakura could round up in the few days that came next. After sorting things out with the landlord, with the school, cutting off electricity, newspaper subscription, cable and telephone connection, finally, Sakura was ready to leave. Not really, no, but she was ready in the sense that all was taken care of. Mentally, Sakura had another story building altogether.

"Will you promise to call me the second you reach?" Tomoyo asked. "Never mind. I'll just call Touya anyway."

Sakura hummed in response as she shrugged on her cardigan and coat, then her backpack and bag. She loaded the luggage onto the trolley and smiled at nothing, really. Then, she pet Kero one last time, and obediently the dog held his head up, glad for the attention. Tomoyo would be taking him back to her place from here directly. Sakura sighed. She would miss Kero, even if it was only for a few weeks. Would she miss Glasgow, though? Of course not, she told herself, she was coming back after all. It would be a while maybe, but she would be back.

"You're not talking. You scare me when you don't talk."

She turned around to her best friend following her as she walked to the gates of the airport, grinning.

"Don't fake a grin at me, Kinomoto. I know you better than that. Are you scared? You know you don't have to do this. Touya can shove himself—"

"Tomoyo," she stopped her best friend from further abusing her brother. She smiled. Tomoyo was always so sweet. "I'll be fine," she told her with conviction.

"I need to have your word, Sakura, that you will come straight back if one thing goes wrong." Tomoyo said seriously, her eyes blazing.

"I promise."

"I want you to call me every day. I'll come see you as soon as I can. You know that." She told Sakura as they neared the departure gates. Sakura sighed softly. Glasgow was so beautiful in the night, always so cold and dark and mystical. It had been one of the things she'd fallen in love with.

"I know, Tomoyo."

"Sakura," Tomoyo stopped her. "One call from you and I'll be right there with you."

Sakura shook her head and chuckled. Her best friend was worrying, over reacting, and slowly, it was creeping into Sakura as well. Slithering its way into Sakura's mind, bleeding into her heart and making her wonder if Tomoyo remembered better than she herself did. It was possible. She had walked around like a corpse on most days, not knowing what to do, what to say. Sure, but then again she'd been unarmed while walking into war. Not this time, though. No. This time, she was prepared. This time, she would handle it better.

"I'll see you soon, Tomoyo." She told her best friend and hugged her tight. A kiss to her forehead and cheek, and Sakura had pushed the trolley forward before another word could have been said.

Sure, she was better prepared. Then again, it'd been so long that Sakura could barely remember why she'd been so angry with her father, why she'd left Tomoeda at all.

Kero's barks traveled all the way inside with her as she passed security to show her ticket. Sakura turned around to wave at her dog and best friend, and then, she was gone.

Maybe it was time to relive it all and see for herself why Tomoyo was so terrified of this visit back home.

*.*

"Do you want some coffee?" Sakura asked her father at the table over breakfast as she bit at her toast. Her father's toast was left untouched.

"No."

Sakura breathed in and out, once, then twice, before she kept counting her breath. She thought about that last bit of math homework she had left, and then she wondered if Hiro would help her out again. He'd helped her the last time. A complete coincidence but it was worth every coincidental second.

"I'm going to school. Are you going to work?" she asked her father, scrutinizing his rumpled suit, his eyes dull and dilated. "Are you feeling alright?"

"I'm fine," was his abrupt and crass response.

Sakura didn't bother asking again. She'd put on her headphones, turned the volume to high and peddled her way to school on Touya's bike. She missed her roller skates. She was too old for them, though. Every fourteen year old rode their bikes to school. So did Sakura.

*.*

"Would you like some coffee, miss?" asked the polite air hostess. Sakura raised her cup as she kept her eyes out the window with Beethoven playing in her ears. She always loved the window seat. It was like looking out into a dream. This high up, the clouds were like cotton balls, large and splayed around everywhere, something like in heaven. When she was younger, the first time she'd flown, she wondered if she could stop the flight and get out there and simply jump in and out of the white heavenliness.

"Excuse me," the woman, middle aged and fat and very much Japanese, said. "Can you give me that copy of the newspaper please?"

Sakura smiled and passed her the paper. The old woman thanked her. Sakura pulled away a earphone when the woman looked like she was going to say more.

"Going home?" she asked Sakura. Sakura nodded.

"Me too." She confirmed as she opened the paper. "What's your name, darling?"

"Sakura,"

"Kasumi Aganawe," she told Sakura with a grin. "Call me Kasumi, please."

Sakura nodded, looking out the window again.

"Are you married?" Kasumi asked her. Sakura snorted.

"No, are you?"

"I have been, for ten years now. I have three children, actually,"

Sakura nodded.

"I'm actually going home to visit my father," she told Sakura. Sakura blinked then.

"So am I," she told Kasumi truthfully. Kasumi nodded politely and resumed reading the paper.

Sakura stared out of the window once more, trying her very best to keep her mind off the F word.

*.*

The smell of something foul, like rusted iron or burning plastic, filled the air as Sakura entered the house. Sakura had smelled that before, and she didn't think that was the smell of burning food.

"Dad?" she called out into the house. "Are you home?"

A door slammed shut as she walked up the stairs. A sigh left her lips as she stood still, wondering why the hell her father had to be such a recluse. Since when did he start coming home in the middle of the day anyway?

She banged on his door. "Dad?" No response.

"Daddy? Is everything alright?"

No response still.

Sakura sighed and walked away, first to her room to clean up and then downstairs.

Someone had to cook for the both of them.

*.*

Sakura awoke to gentle shaking.

"Sakura?" the woman –Kasumi- gently called out. "We're at Paris."

Sakura groaned as she sat up straight and stretched as people piled along the walkway to take out their carryon baggage. She didn't even realize she'd dozed off. Sakura sat until the very end, till everyone was off board. So did Kasumi.

After having collected her backpack, she walked out of the plane, Kasumi probably behind her, smiled at the air hostess and wondered what to do about food as she walked through the aerobridge. According to Paris time, it was lunch time.

Kasumi had disappeared by the time Sakura had made it through the gate, lost somewhere with the crowd. Sakura sat down at an airport cafe and picked up a scone and some coffee. She decided not to bother more about lunch. She'd have something on the plane in three hours anyway.

Three hours. Three hours of doing nothing but waiting and wondering and thinking. Three hours of being alone with herself. She could barely stand being with herself for the twenty minutes stretch between home and school. Her i-pod was running on low, so there was no music to keep her occupied. Commuting was always the easy way to get lost in thought, not having much to ponder on in the first place was always dangerous.

Too bad she knew exactly where she was sitting; else Sakura could have sworn she was lost with the crowd too.

*.*

"Let's go eat some frozen yoghurt."

"I want dumplings,"

"Tomoyo, we always have dumplings!"

"We always have frozen yoghurt too."

They sat on the bed, clearly having reached an impasse.

"Fine, we have popsicles," Sakura offered.

"Orange flavour." Tomoyo dictated. Sakura sighed. She made her way to her father's room to search for some spare change. To her surprise, her father was searching through his drawers for something too.

"Dad?"

"How much money do you have on you, Sakura?" her father demanded to know. Sakura shook her head.

"I don't have any money, dad. I was going to take some from you."

The slam of the drawer made Sakura wince, as she shrank away from her father's approaching form, suddenly scared. He left the room without a word.

Why had she been scared?

She quietly made her way to the familiar pen-stand and emptied it, finding enough coins for two popsicles.

Apparently it wasn't enough for whatever her father had wanted to buy.

*.*

Sakura tried her very best to keep from thinking about it, about her father, about the past. As she made her way to the plane she wondered if she could ask for some wine to knock her out.

It seemed that even in sleep she couldn't find peace, so that was no option to consider. She settled into her seat, irritated. The closer she got to home, the closer the pain was, the more real it all felt.

She thought of the first time she realized that her father was a drug addict. It'd been one heartbreaking autumn evening when she'd returned home from school and found his bedroom door open for a change.

It had all happened so quickly, but Sakura registered some things quite easily.

The slurred speech, the red eyes, the powdered lines on the table, the small paper pipe, the shaking hands and legs...

"Tell me how I can help you, daddy," she had asked her father between breaths, between tears as she hugged him close, taking in his deep, musky drug like scent. How old had she been? Maybe fifteen... she wasn't sure now. She hadn't even bothered with asking him why he'd been doing it in the first place. Somewhere, deep down, she'd always known her father hadn't really coped with her mother's death.

"You can't help me darling," he told her with a pitiless smile.

"Okay, should I call Touya? He can come home and help you. I'll call him." She had gone to the phone to call him, but her father had stopped her.

"Touya can't help me,"

"Tell me who can, daddy."

_"Nobody can, sweetheart."_ He'd told her without emotion, without effort as he slumped onto his bed and fell into sleep.

Sakura felt a tear fall over the lid of her eye onto her cheek, the wetness of the tear so fresh, it felt real. It was real. She was crying.

After all this time, after all that had happened, still thinking back over the things she'd missed, the things she hadn't known, it all still depressed her. Now, she'd agreed to go back to the same place she'd walked out of.

What was she doing?

No wonder Tomoyo had been afraid as she saw off her best friend. This was madness. There was no real way to counter a drug addict, former or not, and Sakura knew that well. What was she expected to do now? Go back to the home where her father had abused every single drug known to mankind? What was she supposed to do, go home and spend quality time with a father who'd never really been a father for her?

Touya was such a double sided fiend, Sakura thought maliciously. He'd never really understand her side of it all, and now he was making her go back home to all that was a mess and astray, where all the memories that made her break could come to life and kill her slowly, painfully, once again.

Sakura touched the bag that lay on her lap, imagining feeling the envelope she'd tucked into it against her fingertips as she thought about sleeping.

No, she decided as she pulled out the envelope, then the sheet of paper on which the sketch of her was drawn. She looked at it, wondering why she'd left Syaoran, wondering if he was happy at his home, with his sisters and family.

Sakura did not sleep through the remainder of that journey. She simply let the memories take her, and felt the tears slip past her cheeks as she wiped them off the way Syaoran would have.

Now, more than ever, she wished she'd never let go of Syaoran Li.

Now, more than ever, she wondered why fate had mixed her up with a drug addict for the second time in her life.

Nevertheless, she'd been able to let go of her father. Even now, when she'd see him, she would be practical, she would be logical and she would be detached. She would be the dutiful daughter and stay for a few months, and then she would pack up and leave for a second time, and leave it all behind once again. Fulfil her obligation as the next of kin and all that.

Sakura knew for a fact that she could never say the same about the brown eyed boy, though, the very same one who had taken her breath away with just the first glance.

_And I've always lived like this_  
_Keeping a comfortable, distance_  
_And up until now_  
_I had sworn to myself that I'm content_  
_With loneliness_  
_Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

* * *

So we know who Sakura's exception is.

**QUESTION: **What do you think happens after death?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	45. xxxxiv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, lhaine07, deadflo. BlossomofShadows, SweetSeductionCherryB :

Second update of the day!

I believe we come back, as humans, to repay our sins, to undo our messes. I don't really think there is a heaven as much as there is Moksh. After a point, if you've been good, you're probably redeemed from having to come back to Earth.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxxiv._

_I lose myself in all these fights; I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. I'm_  
_Shaking from the pain that's in my head. I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away_  
_The life I'd led. But I won't let it die. But I won't let it die._

_-_ **It's Not Over/Secondhand Serenade**

Touya had come to receive her at Tokyo airport. They would have to drive to the ferry and then drive to Tomoeda. All in all, it was a four to five hour drive and Sakura wondered briefly why her big brother insisted on coddling her so much.

"I could have been there myself, you know," she told him as she cranked up the heat and rubbed her hands together.

"I know that,"

"How's Yukito?"

"Fine,"

"Where is he?"

"At a meeting in Tokyo,"

"Uh huh," Sakura muttered as she realized what Touya was doing. Monosyllables, she realized, were Touya's way of saying he was nervous.

"It's going to be alright," she told him. He looked at her then.

"I know that."

"Then what's eating you away?"

Touya sighed heavily, filling the small car with the sound. "I don't know, Sakura. You weren't exactly in the best of places with dad the last time you were with him."

"The last time I was with him was eight years ago. Besides, you'd said he's changed."

"He has,"

Sakura grit her teeth. This was going nowhere. "So what is this about?"

Touya didn't say anything to answer her question and instead drove into the ferry, the familiar bumping of the car making Sakura realize that this was it. She was actually on her way home.

Usually, well, over ten years ago, the brother and sister would go out onto the ferry and watch the fish jump in and out of the water as the ferry made its way slowly to mainland. This time, they sat together in the car. Feeling stuffy, Sakura decided to slip in a CD she had.

"Still with the classical stuff, huh?" he asked her as it began to play. Random symphonies by people Sakura herself wasn't familiar with played.

"Hmm,"

"I'm sorry, Sakura," he said all of a sudden. Sakura turned to him then.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"If I was there with you, if I had known dad was still—"

"Touya,"

"If I had known, Sakura, then I would have helped you sooner. I just can't help regret that." He paused then, clearing his throat. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Sakura looked away then, her eyes burning now. Truth be told, they'd been burning since she woke up in Paris, probably sleep deprivation, probably the tears she'd spent crying.

"Dad, isn't it time you ask for help? I know it's hard to..."

Sakura had been clearing up her father's room as he bent over the table and sniffed. Sakura had hated the sound. It sounded like something perverse, something wrong. She hated that sound.

"Maybe it's time you spoke to Touya about this?" she'd said as she tossed clothes into the hamper; clothes that hung onto the stench of her father's sins.

"No,"

"But dad,"

"No."

Sakura remembered staring at her dad as he moved away from the table, his staunch eyes on hers.

"Don't tell Touya,"

Sakura remembered thinking that was exactly what she would do, but then decided to never disobey the man whose roof she lived under. Somehow, even at the tender age of fifteen, maybe, fourteen, she knew to be scared of a drug addict and she had been.

"He told me not tell you." Sakura revealed finally, as though breaking the suspense of an age old mystery.

Silence was all that was heard the rest of the way, apart from the music, of course.

*.*

Touya climbed out of the car first and went to take out her suitcases from the trunk. Coming back home after eight years should have been more... fulfilling... was that the word? But it wasn't. Sakura's hair was on its end as she climbed out of the car after repeated deep breaths.

"Come on," she heard Touya's voice as he walked past her. Sakura stood, bag in hand and backpack in place, as she made steps behind him.

The front door opened, and Sakura wondered where exactly her feet had touched the ground when she'd left. They dropped their shoes off, then Touya walked upstairs as Sakura stopped short at the end of the corridor, branching off toward the stairs and the kitchen, the phone in direct line of sight.

"_I don't want to be here anymore, Touya." _

The phone call she'd made from Tomoyo's cell phone, the phone call to Touya that had changed her life... forever.

"_Dad is... he's gone mad!"_

Sakura heard voices from the kitchen and suddenly felt fear. Fear that she had no reason to feel... until now.

"Sakura?" she heard Touya's voice, like she had so many times before. Then, he came out to get her. "Sakura?" he looked at her, a few feet away and probably saw her fear-stricken face. He then held her hand and hugged her, bag and all, and whispered what she'd needed to hear all along.

"I'm right here," he told her with certainty. "I'm not going anywhere, Sakura. I'm going to be here, with you. Nothing will happen, okay?" he looked into her eyes then, his hands cupping her cheeks. "He's not going to hurt you."

Sakura willingly walked with Touya into the kitchen, numb and frozen from sensation. So when she had finally met the man that had caused the havoc he had in her life, she didn't know what to say, or do. She simply looked him in the eye, and he looked right back.

"Hello, Sakura,"

A glee she'd never known to find in his voice was now present as he greeted her. Something was different; she realized immediately. She nodded in greeting and sat down at the chair Touya had directed her to. With one last squeeze of her hand, Touya went to sit next to her father, their father.

"Would you like some tea?" her father asked her, as though they were a normal family, as though none of what had happened had ever happened. Was this what this trip was about? Was she supposed to simply overlook all that she'd seen and experienced? She nodded her head weakly, noticing the freshly painted walls, the waxed floorboards. New portraits and wall hangings she'd never seen before were up. The house looked as good as new.

"How about I make it?" Touya suggested. She jerked as Touya stood and walked to the kitchen.

Don't go.

_Don't leave me here._

Don't.

"How are you, Sakura?" her father asked her, bringing her out of her stupor. Sakura noted his tired eyes, the spectacles she was so accustomed to seeing on him, the familiar white shirt and trousers he almost always wore.

"I'm fine,"

"Touya tells me you're a teacher." He told her, leaning forward. Sakura nodded, leaning back. It was a subconscious move on her part, but it was there nonetheless. Her father had probably caught her doing it. She didn't care enough to pretend not to be afraid. She was afraid.

Touya brought tea and poured some for Sakura. Black, with a little lemon and sugar, just the way she liked it. Her father liked milk and cream in his, as did Touya. They sipped their tea quietly.

"What do _you_ do now?" she threw a question at her father.

"I'm a consultant at the Tomoeda Museum."

Sakura nodded. He'd lost his job at the University years ago, because of... well, obvious reasons. She wondered if they found out what he'd been doing. They probably did.

"How long do you want me to stay?" she asked her father then. Touya tried to shush her. Sakura sipped her tea, tilting her head to the side.

"I didn't know you intended on staying at all," her father responded without a smile. A smile washed on his face almost immediately though. It was one of those honest smiles, just a ghost of one, which made Sakura want to lurch. He was smiling at her. "I'm glad you are."

Sakura glared at the teapot, and then at Touya.

"I'll go settle in then." She announced and placed her empty teacup in the sink, rinsing it out. She then walked out of the kitchen, up the stairs and into her room. She shut the door behind her, observing how everything was the way she'd left it. She moved forward and touched her doll collection on the bench next to the small television set on the ground, then observed her empty closet. She would have bring her clothes up and unpack, soon. She sat on her bed and petted it softly, loving the feel of the satin soft covers against her skin, hating that she had given her word to stay with her father to Touya. She typed out a message to Tomoyo.

**I'm fine. Just reached. Will call soon.**

It was only after lying down that Sakura had realized that the covers were new. She sat up on the bed and eyed the pot of plants outside her half open window, the creepers along the sides of the rooftop, the dustless small room she'd left behind when she'd left home all those years ago.

She chuckled and lay down once more.

He wouldn't have bought new covers if he hadn't known she had intended on staying.

*.*

The streets of Hong Kong were crowded and swathed with the cold as Syaoran and his little niece and nephew made their way through the town with Fuutie hot on their tail. They'd decided to go down to the toy store to buy new toys. The kids scrammed just as they entered the toy store, and Syaoran gave them a time limit of half an hour, not more.

"So..." Fuutie had started as soon as the kids were out of sight. "Tell me about Glasgow."

"It's really something. You'd love it. I heard you were planning on going to school there." He told her with a grin.

"I meant tell me about the love of your life. Where is she, anyway? I thought for sure she'd come back with you."

Syaoran hadn't really been ready to tell the family, but he presumed Mei Ling wouldn't tell them. Apparently she did.

"We broke up, Fuutie,"

"Oh,"

Syaoran said nothing as he piled through the games section looking for Xbox games. Finally, he found them. He stood flipping through them, looking for something for Caden and Ai. Maybe even a three or four player game?

"Tell me about her anyway. What was she like? I mean, Big was so mesmerized by her; I thought for sure you wouldn't come home without marrying her."

Syaoran frowned. "She was lovely. I was the problem."

"If you mean the drugs, then I don't see what the problem is. You are over it..." she looked at him then and paused. "Right?"

Syaoran asked himself the same question at least five times a day.

"Right now, I don't want to... you know? I can never really say, though. Something might trigger it and I might end up wanting to. I'm kind of a flight risk right now," he told her caustically. "Part of the reason why she left me,"

"What's the other part?"

_I cheated her._

_I betrayed her._

_I hurt her._

_And apparently, I wasn't the first._

"Things happen, Fuutie. I can't do anything about it. We're done. Case closed." He told her.

"You sound like you're over her. Well, good for you then."

"No, Fuutie," he stopped her there as he turned completely to stand inches from his half sister.

"Why don't you go do something about it? Call her, talk to her. You could fix things. You still can. It's never too late," Fuutie tried to coax him into it. Boy was she good at making him think it was feasible.

"That's not happening," he walked away to the next counter to the PS3 games.

"Well, then. Get over her. There are other fish in the sea."

Syaoran grinned sardonically and shook his head. "I don't think I'll ever get over her, Fuutie."

"I get it. You're grateful to her, maybe even indebted, but that doesn't mean you can't move on."

"Actually, it does mean that."

"Xiao Lang..."

"You don't get it, Fuutie. I can't get over her, not today, not tomorrow, not ever,"

Syaoran heard the words in his own ears and felt the weight of them on his shoulders, in his blood, in his heart. How profound and great that confession was, Fuutie would never understand and Sakura would never know. Somehow, saying the words aloud made it true, and it was true enough already. Syaoran loved Sakura, and that wouldn't be something he'd be getting over anytime soon, no matter how much anyone said otherwise.

"Are you happy?" Fuutie asked then. Syaoran looked at her questioningly.

"Are you happy?" she repeated as the kids came into view, running along the store like little rug-rats. Had half an hour passed already?

"I suggest you start thinking about that first," Fuutie said as she walked over to them, leaving Syaoran alone with his thoughts.

Had he been happy with Sakura? He thought he had been... he wasn't so sure anymore. The memories of them together had seemed like a big black haze from another lifetime somehow, and while he knew he felt glad he'd been with her, he wasn't exactly sure if that was what happiness was.

Was that it? Happiness, was that all to it? It was made a far bigger deal than Syaoran wanted to anyway, but he still couldn't help but wonder if that was all there was to it, to happiness. Getting high had made him feel happier than anything else in the whole world. If that was happy...

Had she been happy being with him?

Syaoran picked up five random games and walked over to the billing counter behind Fuutie and the kids.

"_Are you happy?"_

That had to be the most Earth shattering thing anyone had ever asked Syaoran.

_We could be over_  
_And over, we could be forever._

* * *

**QUESTION: **What was your most embarrassing moment of all?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	46. xxxxv

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, ginnna, Care, amelancholicangel, deadflo, SweetSeductionCherryB :

Most embarrassing moment? I'd been beating up my boyfriend in public. Trust me, not fun.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxxv_.

_The time for sleep is now_  
_It's nothing to cry about_  
_'cause we'll hold each other soon_  
_In the blackest of rooms_

_- _**I Will Follow You Into the Dark/Deathcab for Cutie**

The next day, Sakura had decided to go downstairs and put on her best face, better than the face she put on for dinner the previous day. Fine, one little setback was allowed. After all, it'd been her first day back.

Was it generally this hard to bond with family?

Touya was seated on his usual chair while her father stood facing the stove cooking something, it looked like.

"Good morning," Touya said quietly as he sipped his coffee. Her father turned around then. He smiled.

"Good morning, Sakura. How would you like an omelette for breakfast?"

Something about the way he'd been looking at her... and not just today, but from the time she'd arrived yesterday... it left her unsettled. Sakura nodded and sat down at the table, opposite Touya, and picked up the newspaper.

"Any idea on what you're going to do for a job?" Touya asked.

"None whatsoever,"

"You could always help me out," he suggested, his tone light.

Sakura didn't even bother responding to that.

"Mushrooms?" her father asked from over the counter.

"Sure," she responded, wondering if she should be helping out. She was going to live here, even if it was just temporarily... wasn't she? It was only fair that she helped out.

"You don't eat, you don't sleep, and you don't even help out around the house anymore!"

Crash.

Shatter.

Break.

"What good is it that I have an adult in the house when I'm the adult most of the time!"

"What do you want me to do, Sakura?" he'd asked her, unhappily, red-eyed, angrily.

"Help out! This is your house too. Stop getting high all the time and help out, Jesus! Is that too much to ask for, for your cooperation to being a part of this?"

"Sakura?"

"Huh?"

"I asked you if you'd like some juice?" her father asked, possibly having repeated the question for her benefit. Sakura nodded.

"Orange?"

"Sure,"

After pouring the juice into the glass, he placed it on the table and brushed by her. That had been the most contact she'd had with the man who... what? What was this man to her?

"I'll cook tonight," she announced after having finished her omelette.

"Are you sure? Touya doesn't mind."

"I'm sure."

Her father nodded and then smiled that disgustingly happy smile before leaving the house.

"Are you okay?" Touya asked her then as he shuffled in some papers into a briefcase. Sakura nodded.

"Where are you going?"

"I have to get to this school, do some preaching. Interested?"

Sakura shook her head.

"Come on, what are you going to do here all day anyway?" he asked her as he shrugged on his jacket, then his coat. Sakura looked around, at the phone, then at the entrance to the kitchen. A little thought and a "Fine," later, Sakura joined her brother in his quest to reforming kids who could, or would, become slaves to the thing we call addiction.

*.*

"Class, we have an announcement from Mr. Touya Kinomoto. Please listen to what the man has to say and we'll proceed with classes after that."

The teacher walked past Sakura with a smile, his hair blonde and his eyes far too blue for his own good. Not Japanese, Sakura noted. Probably American, from his accent, or maybe even Canadian... one could never really tell though. Not like Sakura was interested. She was just wondering. Being back home was sort of disorienting... she wasn't really sure what was what anymore. After living so long in Glasgow it was kind of difficult to tell where she was.

"You," Touya pointed out to a girl with long braids. "And you."

"And you, you, you too. Come on out," he said and left Sakura behind.

"I'm leaving them to you," he told her in her ear before he left, the five kids that'd been called on hot on his tail. What the hell?

"Uh," she pursed her lips and stood awkwardly. "My name is Sakura, and I'm a part of APAA, that's the—"

"We know what that is." a shout came from one corner of the class. Sakura sighed and bit back the attitude that was threatening to come out. After counting to ten, she began with what she thought was the best way at attacking overdramatic teenagers.

"My father was a drug addict." She started. "And I haven't seen him in eight years. The addiction... it drove us apart and now... we're barely father and daughter.

"I lost my mother when I was young and I guess that's what drove my father to it, the drugs. I wouldn't really say I know and understand his reasons completely, but I'm telling you that it's that simple to get hooked. All you need is a reason, an excuse your mind gives you for trying it. You think it'll help, even if for a few moments, but trust me; you're just wasting twice as much of your life away.

"We at APAA help you the way we think we can, making sure to meet your needs and make sure you have a happy, safe, life. What is a safe, happy life you ask? It means you need to have good food at home, a good mother or father or if you're lucky enough, both, giving you lunch money and a stable life. You've probably got friends who are the same as you, happy, for all you know, and for all you don't know, they're not. There are people who have sides you've never seen, even your best of friends.

"While you may be clean and sober, your friends or family members may not be. So for that, we're leaving our cards with each of you today so you can get in touch with us if you think you need help. Because we can't help you if you don't say so.

"And don't wait till it's too late. Whatever the reason is, addiction isn't the solution."

Sakura turned to leave the class and found her brother talking to the students, his voice soft and low. She decided to stick around in the class, let him finish.

"Any questions?" she asked instead, not really wanting to answer any questions, but there to do it anyway.

After a few minutes of silence, one hand went up. Sakura nodded at him, the boy in the back bench.

"Can you get addicted in the first try?" he asked her with sincerity. Sakura wanted to laugh.

"It depends, and varies, from person to person. Using more than once though will definitely get you hooked to the stuff you're talking about."

No one else asked anything, and Touya signalled the go when Sakura looked over to him. The kids walked back into class, their faces sullen.

"Okay then, we do the same thing in the next class,"

Sakura looked up at him, her face astonished. "You're making me do that again?"

"All the way till evening, if I have my way."

Sakura groaned. "Come on, Touya."

"Come on, Sakura. It's not like you have a job to get to."

Sakura muttered under her breath and swore to get to the newspaper the second she got home. Hell, she'd work as a waitress if it meant not having to do this.

"Just for today," she warned Touya.

"If you say so,"

"You know this isn't what I want from my life, Touya,"

"I know,"

Sakura needed to only make that much clear. She walked with him willingly to the next class, thinking about her own class. Were they doing okay without her? Was the new teacher nice? Any more kids who needed guidance and help on addiction?

"I need you to do me a favour," she told Touya when they took a lunch break. Touya glanced up at her.

"Check up this kid... William Grant. Last I heard he was doing time in Glasgow."

"That's not much information. Who is this kid?"

"Touya—"

"You can't blame me, Sakura. The last kid you wanted me to help was your boyfriend. So you'll forgive me if I'm a sceptic right now."

"He was a student of mine that got caught with possession of heroin."

Touya nodded. "I'll check him out. Now that we're on the topic... tell me about your ex-boyfriend."

Sakura felt her nostrils flare. "That has nothing to do with the topic."

"Just answer the question will you?"

She slammed down her glass of soda. "Nothing to tell. I told you, we broke up. We're done."

"Was he taking again?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know?"

Sakura didn't respond. She ate her rice balls and pointedly ignored her brother.

"He's left Glasgow," Touya told her coolly.

"I know. Tomoyo told me."

"Does that have something to do with your exiting Glasgow?"

Sakura shrugged and closed her eyes, feeling the slight wind in the air. It was a nice wind, soothing and cool. She then felt a hand on hers.

"Thank you," Touya told her.

"For what?"

"For today,"

Sakura scoffed. "You're paying me in chores for this buddy."

Touya smiled. "Just like in the good old days,"

*.*

As promised, Sakura cooked her speciality that night. Pasta Arabbiata.

Her father had come home around seven in the night all covered in snow. It almost made Sakura smile when she watched him dust and dry himself. A strange sense of comfort overcame her, as it used to when her father would come home in the evening from work. Of course, she was thinking about the time that her father was still sober enough to go to work. When he would return, she always felt happy, for no apparent reason. It was simple. Her father had come home, and she was glad.

To this day, Sakura realized that that little sentiment hadn't really changed.

"Hi," she greeted by mistake. Her eyes widened on the horror she'd just committed. That was the first time she'd willingly said a word to a father without him having to say something first. It felt like she'd lost a round in the battle. A battle against whom, she wasn't really sure of. It sure wasn't her father. Little injured pigeons were better soldiers than her father at the moment.

"Hello, Sakura. Dinner smells fantastic. I'll be right down. Is Touya home?"

Sakura nodded mutely, standing there at the end of the corridor in her hello-kitty apron and slippers. Her father walked by her and then went for the stairs. It had looked like he was going to come touch her... maybe hug her? Sakura couldn't be sure though.

"I brought strawberry mousse," the old man proclaimed as they cleared up the dishes. Touya smacked his hands together.

"Finally, the good stuff comes out."

Sakura wiped her hands and made for the bathroom downstairs. At the sight of something green and white on the wall, she first passed by causelessly with just a glance at it. Then, she stopped short and turned around.

A picture of her mother... had been hung there. It wasn't too big, but it wasn't small either, very unlike the ones her father used to keep in the kitchen. She touched the picture, the cold feel of smooth glass against her skin. Her mother had been so beautiful, like a model indeed. She had been a model. She had been tall and bold and beautiful, her wavy long hair and beautiful green eyes made her stand out wherever she went. Or so Touya had said.

"You promised me," she could almost hear his voice, her father's voice, even after all this time. "You promised me you'd never leave.

"Why did you leave? Why did you leave me here?

"What am I supposed to do now? How am I supposed to live without you, Nadeshiko?"

Sakura had heard him past his door one night, his voice loud yet his words tender. He sounded like he was talking to someone... and he had been.

"Hey mom," she tried, for the first time in all these years, talking to her mother. What should she say though? What was there that she needed to tell her mother who probably already knew everything? What could she tell her that would make a difference anyway? Nothing. You don't talk to dead people to make a difference; she'd learned that from her father. He hadn't been talking to his deceased wife for a reason. No, not really. There had been no reason. Just the sheer madness that was the drug, that was all. He'd been talking to his dead wife, and that was where he'd found solace. Not in his own home, not in the arms of his alive and well daughter, but in the memory of his long gone wife.

God, how long had she been gone? Over a decade now.

_"Do you miss mommy?"_

"I miss you," she whispered, looking into the green eyes that reflected back her own.

"I'm okay now. I wasn't okay, but I am now." She told her with definiteness as she realized she had had no real photos of her mother back at Glasgow. This was the first photograph Sakura had seen of her mother in years. She decided she needed to ask her father about that. She then went into the bathroom and went back to the dining room as quickly as she could.

For the first time, she thought about what happened to people after they passed.

_Love of mine some day you will die_  
_But I'll be close behind_  
_I'll follow you into the dark_

* * *

**QUESTION: **What is your favourite book? Have I asked this one before?

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	47. xxxxvi

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, ginnna, Care, amelancholicangel, deadflo, SweetSeductionCherryB :

My favourite right now is the Ice series by Anne Stuart. Not all the books are great, but one book is. The Ice Storm. Though, you've got to read them all to like the Ice Storm.

My all time favourites are: Sleeping Murder by A. Christie and Paths of Glory by Jeffrey Archer.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

_xxxxvi._

_I've been walking in the same way as I did_  
_Missing out the cracks in the pavement_  
_And tutting my heel and strutting my feet_  
_"Is there anything I can do for you dear? Is there anyone I could call?"_  
_"No and thank you, please Madam. I ain't lost, just wandering"_

_-_ **Hometown Glory/Adele**

The next day, just as the previous, Sakura worked with Touya through the day and offered her culinary skills at night. She even did the laundry and cleaned up after the two men of the house.

At night, Sakura listened to her favourite music as she tucked herself to sleep. Her father had come to her every night she'd been here so far to bid her a good night. He then retreated to sleep himself to the room across the hall.

The echoes of a screaming irked Sakura as she was about to fall asleep. She froze, the music in her ears suddenly deafening as she sat up straight in bed.

Sakura opened the door and went straight to Touya's room. His door was still open, which meant that he was awake.

"Sakura?" he asked her as he put the laptop away. "Is everything alright?"

Loud, mannish screaming that roared through the house.

"_Sakura!"_

_"Open this door, Sakura!"_

Sakura put her hands to her ears, the sound of her name being called out too loud to handle. It had been her father. He'd been screaming at her... for no apparent reason.

"I keep remembering things," she told Touya with a crack in her voice. Touya shifted on the bed and made space for her as she readily crossed the few feet between them and snuggled next to him.

"He used to scream for days if he didn't have the drugs." She told Touya through the layer of blanket over her face.

"You never told me that."

"It was... towards the end that it got bad."

Tomoyo had been with her one day when the incident had occurred, when her father had started... the lunacy.

"Does he always scream at you, Sakura?" Tomoyo had asked innocently as they holed up in her bedroom, waiting for her dad to finally take a break, even for a second.

"Answer me, Sakura."

Sakura hadn't answered. Tears and snot and sniffles left her as Tomoyo comforted her, tried to be strong for her. That had been the first time Sakura had confided in someone about her father's condition. It hadn't been as relieving as she'd hoped.

"You have to tell someone, Sakura. This is horrible, you can't live like this." Tomoyo had told her as she patted her hair.

Sakura remembered how terror-stricken she'd felt, as if someone had cast the breath out of her.

"You can't tell anyone," she told Tomoyo, frantic and uneasy. "You need to give me your word, Tomoyo. You can't tell anybody."

Tomoyo hadn't said anything. She wasn't even stroking her hair now.

"Please, Tomoyo. Don't tell anyone, please. _Don't tell, please_."

Sakura remembered Tomoyo's reluctant nod, the look of pure anguish on her face as the two girls waited out the man who was no longer in his senses.

"You're safe now, Sakura," Touya told her as he held her tight. It was as though he could read her mind. "You're safe now. I'm right here."

Her therapist had been right. Sakura had been far too muddled up with this drugs business. And here she'd thought she could leave it all behind just with a plane ride and a rented house in another country. How wrong she'd been.

Sakura felt herself drift into a fitful sleep.

Even in her dreams Sakura hadn't felt safe.

*.*

"_You were supposed to call me every day,"_ Tomoyo complained as Sakura finally picked up the phone to call her best friend. Sakura carried on with laundry and put the phone on speaker.

"I know, Tomoyo, and I'm sorry."

"_Tell me how it's going."_

"It's going fine." Another shirt went into the machine.

"_I'm going to need more than that, Sakura."_

A sigh. "Everything's fine, Tomoyo, better than I thought it would be anyway,"

"_What's that supposed to mean?" _

Another sigh. Another shirt. "I don't know. I wasn't expecting to be able to even face him without getting the jitters."

"_When you were that terrified of doing this then why did you?"_

Good question.

"_When do you want me to down there?"_ Tomoyo asked, clearly changing the subject.

"Come tomorrow," Sakura declared.

"_Tomorrow?"_

"Yes, tomorrow,"

"_But it's New Year's Eve!"_

"Exactly."

"_It'll be harder to get a flight back,"_

"And by that you mean arranging your private jet, right?"

Tomoyo giggled. _"Fine, I'll be there. Get dressed, we're going out."_

Another sigh. "You do know that by 'we' you mean all of us, which includes my dysfunctional family members."

"_Of course I know that. I'll try being by there by your ten in the morning."_

"I can't wait. See you then."

Tomoyo hung up and then Sakura smacked her head. She redialled.

"Don't forget Kero," she told her best friend with a silly smile on her face, switching the machine to rinse.

"_Forget him? Darling, that's the only reason I'm coming there, to come drop off your big dim-witted dog."_

Sakura hung up this time and laughed. The sound of someone clearing their throat brought her to gasp and turn around.

"I haven't heard your laugh in so long. It's just as lovely," he told her with a smile that reached his eyes.

"I made dinner." She said instead, trying to hide behind a pair of pants, wishing the pants would expand and swallow her intact.

"I know. It smells fantastic."

"I also made dessert today. Strawberry tarts."

"Sounds delicious," her father's voice traveled over the stairs as he climbed them.

Dinner had been monotonous enough, as Sakura served the three of them equal portions of her chicken and rice and then proceeded with dessert.

At the first taste of it, Sakura shut her eyes.

_"I'm Syaoran."_

Sakura bit into her next bite and realized why she'd been thinking of the boy. This had been their first meal together, strawberry tarts and something else. What did they have for dinner? She couldn't remember.

"So, do you have plans for tomorrow night, Sakura?" her father questioned. The phone call had probably tipped him off.

Sakura took another tart just as Touya did. "Tomoyo is coming down to spend New Year's with me. I hope that's okay."

The look on her father's face could have easily passed off as impassive, but Sakura found it easier to describe as stony.

"Of course, that's fine. No one else, then?" he asked her, and then turned to Touya.

"Yukito'll be here, obviously," Touya cut in.

Sakura felt restless and fought the need to leave the table. People were still seated at the table, and she knew better than to be rude about it, even if she was being rude to the man who had practically ruined all of her childhood.

"Where do we go?" Touya asked the big question. "I don't feel like going to the shrine for greetings this year, if you guys don't mind." At that, Touya pointedly glanced at his father, who laughed at the statement.

"Fine. How about we take the ferry across to Tokyo and go to Tokyo Tower? Sakura always enjoyed that." Her father suggested.

Sakura took a lungful of air. "That sounds great."

It really did. She'd been to Tokyo Tower a long, long time ago, when her father and her still had something in common, apart from the blood in their veins.

"It does." Her father agreed.

She left the table then.

*.*

Kero had come galloping into the house like he owned it, followed by an ever-cheerful Tomoyo. Sakura had weaselled out of going with Touya that day and stayed back to welcome Tomoyo home. Home, which meant Tomoeda, not home the house she was in. No, Sakura didn't really consider this house her home anymore. It had been a while since she thought of this house as home.

The flashbacks and dreams had dialled down a little, Sakura realized, as she hugged her best friend and smelled the familiar scent of lavender.

"It's so good to see you." She told her.

"Sakura, you saw me three days ago."

"I know. It feels longer than that."

"Hmm," Tomoyo had that all knowing look on her face as Sakura helped her bring her suitcase in.

"Are you going to go see your grandpa?" Sakura asked.

"If time allows it," Tomoyo shrugged off. "I saw him a couple of weeks ago. I'm sure it'll be fine if I can't this one time."

Kero wandered around the house, as though he knew it. Sakura let the dog free as she and Tomoyo sat down and talked about random things, random people they hadn't met in a while.

"I just saw Mr. Terada on my way here," she told Sakura with a sip of her soda. "Man, that teacher just gets hotter every day."

Sakura agreed. He'd been hot back in the day when he their class teacher. She wasn't sure how he looked now though, she hadn't seen him since High School.

"What're we doing tonight?" Tomoyo asked as she took off her watch and bracelet and moved up the stairs to Sakura's room.

Sakura told Tomoyo the plans they'd made.

"That sounds nice. What're you wearing?"

Sakura turned around and grinned at Tomoyo as she walked up.

"I thought I'd let you decide."

Tomoyo's grin was the biggest of them all.

Between trying out clothes, eating Chinese takeout, which Sakura hadn't done in a while, and watching cable sitcoms, the two girls spent their time gossiping, bonding and just being. It had been a while since they'd spent the day just girl-ing themselves out.

"How's Mei Ling?" Sakura asked, remembering that that was the last time Sakura had gone shopping. With Mei Ling, and Tomoyo and Syaoran.

"She's good." Tomoyo had that look in her eye when she spoke next. "She misses you."

"I miss her too," Sakura admitted.

"So call her sometime,"

Sakura placed a blue dress against her skin and faced the mirror. "You know why I can't do that,"

"Why? Because you dated her cousin and now you're awkward about it?" she jumped off the bed and came to stand next Sakura with a new dress in hand. Sakura took it and placed it on. It was a forest green dress. She especially liked the black ribbon belt across the waist.

"You know it's more complicated than that."

Tomoyo didn't comment. Instead, she turned Sakura around and brushed her shoulders. "This looks beautiful. I never realized how good you look in green. Wear it."

Sakura turned around and faced the mirror again. Kero seemed to agree, he was barking like a mad dog.

She had just the earrings that would go with the dress.

*.*

After rummaging through her closet once, then twice, Sakura had decided to ask Tomoyo for a matching stole for the dress she wore. Tomoyo had offered to lock Kero up in the basement and Sakura had jumped at the opportunity. Though, it shouldn't be taking her so long to do it. She paced for a little while, and then stood in front of the mirror once again before turning around and observing her butt. There was no real reason, or explanation, for what Sakura just did. It'd been an impulse, and she'd laughed at herself over it.

A soft tune filled the air and it was seconds later that Sakura recognized it. She stood in place, in front of the mirror, and let the music take control of her senses completely.

"Your mom's piece,"

Yukito walked into the room after saying the words to envelope Sakura in a hug that could only be described as a bear hug.

"It's good to see you home." He told her before pulling away.

There was that word again.

"Is Touya playing it?" Sakura asked Yukito as she sat on the bed to strap on her Tomoyo-approved black stilettos.

"Can't be. Touya's downstairs pulling the car out of the basement."

Sakura sighed. Her father had sold the organ almost as soon as her mother had passed. He couldn't bare it being in the house, not after she'd died.

"I believe your father has a recording of your mother playing," Yukito told her as he bent down to help her with her shoes. The music was still playing. "This is my third time hearing it," he told her, patting her ankle when he was done. Sakura thanked him. It was then that a voice came into play.

"Fujitaka, put that recorder away,"

"You play so beautifully, my love. Don't be stupid. I'm recording this. Who knows? One day this tape might make me millions!"

"Fujitaka!" The tape abruptly ended. And then there wasn't a sound. Yukito quietly finished strapping up Sakura's shoes and helped her stand. Sakura looked at the doorway, alert and ready for anything.

Her father was pulling on a coat as he approached her bedroom. He turned in surprise when he saw the two of them.

"Ready?" he asked them with a smile.

Sakura felt her heart clench. "Was that mom playing the organ?"

He nodded. "That was the only piece of music she ever composed."

He'd never really talked about her mother with her, not until now.

Yukito complimented it. "It sounds as beautiful as it did the first time I heard it."

"I agree." He paused at Sakura then. "You look beautiful, Sakura."

Sakura blushed faintly, muttered a thank you and then walked forward and past her father, down the stairs and into the car. She'd found Tomoyo on the way and hauled her along. Stupid girl had been on the phone all along. Touya was driving them, it seemed. Her father and Yukito strapped in moments later.

The drive there had been quiet. Tomoyo and she had shared a set of earphones and Sakura mindlessly listened to whatever Tomoyo played.

She thought of the night ahead.

She thought of the voice she heard on that recording... that voice, joking and making fun as though it was normal, as though it was an everyday occurrence. Sakura looked over at her father in front. She couldn't remember the last time he'd joked, let alone sounded so happy.

_Round my hometown_  
_Memories are fresh_  
_Round my hometown_  
_Oh the people I've met_

* * *

**QUESTION: **What's the latest you've stayed up at night to get something you love done? I myself am up right now at 4 in the morning. Sleepy and tired as hell, but I'm smiling. :)

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Will be updating asap!

Read and Review. Thank you!


	48. xxxxvii

**Tattooed**

**Summary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, ginnna, Randomsam123, SweetSeductionCherryB :

I love staying up and working late rather than getting up early to get something done. I don't know, it's just something about the cold, quiet night that makes me work better. It's the two in the afternoon now, and I'm hoping my best friend and I can hit the mall. :)

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

xxxxvii.

_Tears stream down your face_  
_When you lose something you cannot replace_

_Tears stream down your face  
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes_

_-_ **Fix You/Coldplay**

One day after cheerleading practice Sakura had returned home tired and restless only to find that her father's door was locked, again. She sighed and got to work. She cooked, she cleaned, she tossed clothes in the machine and she left some dinner in the fridge for her father if he came looking in the middle of the night.

Sakura had been doing her homework when his door had finally opened. He shot through the door and headed straight to the bathroom. The sounds of her father throwing up had alarmed her.

"Dad?" she called out to him from the bathroom doorway.

"Go away, Sakura," he told her as he held the basin tight.

With a sigh Sakura had moved to him, turned him around and then wiped his mouth, noting his dilated eyes and shallow breath.

"Are you high?" she asked him as she wiped his face with a wet towel. Also, that was a stupid question. When wasn't her father high? Surprising that a fifteen year old should what a person looked like when they were high.

She tucked him into bed, sat with him all night and held his hand when he got up, restless and uneasy. The next morning she'd simply stood up, taken a bath and gone to school as though nothing out of the ordinary had happened.

That had been the first time she'd taken care of her old man. There had been many other times after that, but she'd never done it for anyone else, not even Touya. The only other person she'd done that for was Syaoran.

*.*

"I want to go dancing!" Tomoyo shrieked after dinner, the five of them sitting on a squished table at a cafe across Tokyo Tower. The Tower was beautiful now, a few hours before the ball dropped, all lit up and tall, just like from a fairytale.

"I'm taking dad and Yukito to a play, so you girls are welcome to do as you please," Touya subtly gave them the okay to their plans.

"Ugh," Sakura complained. "I'm wearing high heels."

"You'll take them off if you have to," Tomoyo told her with a wink.

Sakura laughed, took a sip of her fruit punch and turned around to find her father staring at her. She touched her bare neck consciously as she thought about what was wrong. She then felt the back of the earring against her index finger. She looked at her father then.

An empty box had been left on her dresser when she'd come home from school one day. The box in which the earrings her mother had had were.

"Dad, what happened to the earrings mom gave me?" Sakura remembered asking as she sat there mutely, realizing what her father realized. Her father had been on his back, staring at the ceiling, not saying a word.

"I sold them."

Touya was saying something to Yukito. She'd forgotten to compliment them. They looked so prim and done up. How did she forget to tell them so?

"How could you! This was all I had left of her. She gave them to me! How could you have sold them? How dare you come into my room and look through my things!"

Sakura remembered the way she lunged forward toward him, angry tears threatening to escape as she pounded her fists against his chest.

"How could you?"

Sakura knew she'd been testing his patience. He was her father, sure, and he did many things to make her angry. That didn't really give her the right to test his patience. No. It didn't. It seemed like she'd been asking for it, now that she thought about it. She could feel his shirt fisted into her hands as she banged her legs against his, fighting him with all her strength, trying to understand why the man who loved his wife so much would give away the things she left behind.

She could still feel the sting of the back of his hand against her cheek.

Not once, but thrice. And then, there was no ending it.

Sakura was surprised by how easy she felt as she recollected the memory. Most days she couldn't even remember the details moving up to the fight that led her to leave Tomoeda for good.

She remembered calling Touya next, hysterical and sobbing from the telephone downstairs.

"I don't want to be here anymore, Touya."

"What happened? Sakura? Is that you?"

"Help me. Please. Come back and take me with you."

"Sakura?"

"Dad's gone mad, Touya. He's gone **MAD** and I don't know what to do. Help me."

"Sakura?"

"Hmm?"

"I was asking you about where you got your earrings." _He_ asked her over the buzz of the crowd. A delicate light shined into the restaurant from Tokyo Tower.

_"Let me put them on,"_

"They were a gift." Sakura found herself saying.

"They're beautiful," he leaned over and touched her ear, feeling the emerald it seemed, his eyes on hers.

Sakura had so many cruel and vile things going through her mind. She had them stocked up since she'd left home, things she'd wanted to say to him, things she'd wanted to do to him if she'd ever had the chance to see him again. Now that she had her chance, and all those words were right at the tip of her tongue, she found herself stunned into silence. Somehow, every despicable and nasty thing he'd done to her was at the back of her mind now, effectively silenced into inexistence.

He seemed worn out, her father. He seemed defeated, like life had beaten it all out of him. He looked so lost sometimes when she looked at him cooking, cleaning, and surviving. Simply thinking about how alone he must have been made her want to sob but then there were the memories, the only reminder that never let her forget that when he wasn't alone, when she'd been living with him, she had been. She'd been alone. He'd done nothing to make it easier for her. He'd done everything to make it worse. He could have stopped. He could have changed. He didn't.

His hand shifted over to her cheek as he cupped it lovingly. Sakura wanted so badly to lean into his touch, to pull forward and hug the man she knew to be her father. His eyes glimmered of something dejected, something like an apology most probably. It would do, Sakura decided right away. In that split second her will of judgmental prejudice snapped. She'd lost too much, too many people. She'd almost lost her family, her father. She would take it. Beggars couldn't be choosers.

Touya watched the encounter through wistful eyes. Yukito did the same with a smile. Tomoyo pretended to be texting someone.

"Enjoy yourself tonight," he told her, his hand still on her cheek. Sakura nodded.

"Happy new year, Sakura,"

"Happy new year, daddy,"

*.*

Yukito, Touya and her father parted ways with Sakura and Tomoyo, right after they promised to be safe and back home before two o' clock. No later, Touya had warned them. Sakura stuck her tongue out at him. Tomoyo even did the ears.

In the midst of scores of people Sakura danced mindlessly with Tomoyo, thinking of good times, thinking of bad. The New Year had been reined in with a bunch of songs Sakura had never heard and she thought of Syaoran.

Was he enjoying his time with his family? Was he having fun? Would they have liked her? Would they have accepted her? After sometime, all thoughts left her, as Tomoyo had brought out the drinks and forced one down her throat.

"To the New Year!" she screamed. Sakura laughed.

She hoped it would be as good as the last.

Getting home had been late that night, Sakura and Tomoyo piled into the house like a couple of giggling idiots.

"Did you let Kero in?" Sakura asked as she removed her earrings, then her dress. Tomoyo's muffled "yes" came seconds later, and Sakura wondered where the hell dog was so quietly hiding at this hour of the night. She put on a robe and went to take a quick peek at where Kero was.

After fumbling through the basement, then the entire house, calling out "Kero," in every dark corner, Sakura almost gave up before checking Touya's room. Then, she checked her father's. There, on his bed, was Kero. Sleeping like an angel, snoring away like the old man beside him.

"What are you doing?"

Sakura shrieked and clutched at her chest before turning around to find Touya. She smacked his chest, hard. "Don't do that!"

"Ow, alright,"

"What's my lab doing in dad's room?" she asked.

"Guess he likes it there,"

Sakura looked back at the sight and quietly shut the door.

"He was dad's before he was yours. Dad thought he'd be a nice present." Touya announced.

"What?"

"I knew you'd never have kept him if you'd known that." Touya turned around yawning, heading downstairs. "Good night, Sakura."

*.*

"Here," her father had given her a package early the next morning, on New Year's Day. Sakura smiled at him.

"What's this?"

"Your Christmas present,"

Sakura opened it slowly, taking her time with it. This was probably her second gift from her father. In the past he'd never really fussed over birthdays, or even Christmas, and that was probably because he was always high. It was also probably because he was broke. Shuffling between jobs and paying for Touya's college alone must have been a fortune for a drug addict. Sakura didn't want to think about what he'd done to make ends meet, to put food on the table, to have water running through the taps.

Inside was a pink sweatshirt with the words Daddy's Girl jotted on the side.

"I know it's a bit... assumptive on my part. Do you like it?"

Sakura looked into his face and saw two men, one who so eagerly wanted to please his beloved daughter and the other who so easily betrayed her into a broken past and deserted childhood. Both of them trapped inside this one man, the man who was trying hard not to pry, not to hover, and yet, somehow, was prying and was hovering. He'd given her that damned dog, and now he was giving her this.

"I love it, but I didn't get you anything," she told him sadly.

"That's alright. Your liking it is gift enough."

Her chair screeched as she stood and paced slowly towards her father. Unhurried, warm hands went around her neck as she did the same, her face in his shoulders, the smell of mothballs in her nose. She had meaning to do this since last night and she finally felt free. Like something she'd been trying to hold onto had escaped and now, she was free.

"I'm sorry, Sakura," he whispered. "I'm sorry for what happened. I'm sorry I put you through that," he pulled her away to look at her face, his eyes on hers. "You were so small and I hurt you. I can't believe I hurt you like that."

Sakura couldn't really tell how long she'd been in her father's hands like that, crying, sobbing, and reviving what she thought they'd once lost.

"Never again," she told him austerely. "I can't do any of it again. I can't... I just can't."

"I promise you, Sakura, never again." He pulled her away and stood, cupping her cheeks in his hands. He then pulled her in, his hand on her head as he hushed her uncontrollable tears. How many times in the past had she hoped that he would comfort her instead of she him? How long had she simply craved her father to be a normal, happy person she could rely on?

Touya came downstairs moments later and found father and daughter in an embrace that could only be called heartbreaking. Yukito clasped his hand in his.

"Should we have breakfast at the diner?" Tomoyo suggested. No one could really say how long she'd been standing there.

"That sounds like a plan," Fujitaka confirmed as he wiped his daughter's tears, for what could have been the first time in a long time. "Sakura liked the blueberry pancakes there,"

Five of them, along with Kero, piled into the car, Tomoyo and Sakura held hands through the ride, Sakura now wearing her Daddy's Girl sweatshirt.

How long had it taken them to get here? Ten, maybe twelve years even, but they had done it. They'd forgiven, and Sakura would learn to forget, as she would start life afresh here, in the small town she'd always known to be home, in the house she would learn to call home once again.

She couldn't help but wonder about the boy she'd met in a city too large, a complete happenstance that he'd ended up on the pavement just on her pathway to what had then been home. Sakura shook her head as her father offered to bring her some honey from the counter. True, she didn't really care for honey anymore, but that wasn't what she'd been shaking her head at.

It was time to let go, she decided. It was too late now, and it was time to let go. Not just her father's mistakes, but her own as well. Letting go of Syaoran was probably a mistake, Sakura saw that now. How did it matter? In any case, what had been so special about what they'd shared anyway?

Sakura sighed. It was special. Special, because the next time she found love, she'd know it'd be her second because undoubtedly, Syaoran had been her first.

Truth was that the last time she'd decided to let go was the last time she'd been in Tomoeda. Now, she was back again and it made her want to hope. Hope. For what? For Syaoran and her to get back, cross the long miles that had been placed between them miraculously and simply fall back into the love that they once shared? Sakura chuckled.

"What's so funny?" Tomoyo asked her between bites. Her father was feeding the dog bites off the table. She laughed again.

"Nothing,"

Syaoran Li. God, even his name was out worldly, like he was some kind of movie star. When was the last time she'd kissed him? She couldn't remember, no, not really, what his touch felt like, what his voice sounded like. Sure, she had a close estimate of it, but nothing would be as good as the real thing, and of that she was sure.

Sakura was just glad that he'd happened. Granted, she still ached from his absence, and Lord she missed him every day. She wanted to share this with him, like she did with the rest of her family. She wished they could have had that. She wished he could have met her father.

She wished.

She felt for the envelope in her bag and thought of the boy who touched her like no one else had, who'd loved her like no one ever would. He would forget her though, Sakura realized. Time would move on and so would they.

_I'm thinking about you, Syaoran Li._

_Happy New Year, my love._

_Lights will guide you home_  
_And ignite your bones_  
_And I will try to fix you_

* * *

**QUESTION: **Are you happy?

This is the last part of Sakura's journey. No, they don't lash it out and fight for hours before finally leading to a reconciliation. Sakura had been meaning to forgive her father, and she did. Simple as that. As you can see, she's been through A LOT.

**I THINK if Tattooed had to have a song, it would be this one. Sure, many songs fit the label and the story but Fix You touches the story in a way nothing else does. Do you think so too? If not, what is the ONE song that describes Tattooed?**

Next chapter coming up right away.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	49. xxxxviii

**Tattooed**

**S****ummary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, ginnna, Randomsam123, SweetSeductionCherryB :

God, I already miss writing this story, thinking of the plots and the what nots to go with it.

And I miss YOU guys, reviewing and telling me how cute, or how sad, or how happy you are for Sakura and Syaoran. I know I haven't given you much of the two of them in the past ten chapters, but that's just how life is.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

xxxxviii.

_By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top_  
_I climbed the tree to see the world_  
_When the gusts came around to blow me down_  
_I held on as tightly as you held onto me_

_-_ **To Build A Home/Cinematic Orchestra**

Syaoran dreamed of the first night he met Sakura many times over. He dreamed of how he had gotten high at Luke's house, how he refused a ride home and insisted on walking, how he missed his father more than anyone else.

An aching had settled into his chest about his father, about his mother, just about anyone he'd have had the right to call family, a little before Sakura had found him and slapped him. Twice too, Syaoran thought with a grin as he shifted onto his back and gazed at his ceiling.

He thought of the day when he found her flying her kites. She had looked so even and controlled. The day they'd fought over her father's phone call had left him perturbed, even till this day. Never had he seen Sakura so angry before that, so out of her element, so... un-Sakura.

"_I should have known better than to get in so deep,"_

Syaoran wished he could forget seeing regret in her eyes, the regret in having met him. It was the same look he imagined on his mother's face if she ever has the pleasure of meeting the son she abandoned.

*.*

New Year's Eve day, Syaoran and his sisters, along with Wei, had gone to their father's grave.

Syaoran blocked out his sisters and stood at his father's grave in solitude, even though they were right by his side. He watched the grave for activity and there was none. The dead were lucky, they could be done with everything that was breathing without having a better reason than 'I'm dead,' for it. Maybe thinking that way was a tad bit too harsh on Syaoran's part but that was how he felt. Sometimes he viewed death as liberation, a freedom he hoped the dead had when they were gone. His father was gone; he had been gone for over six years now. Syaoran prayed that he'd never had to see his son's weak moments.

Syaoran remembered a lot about his father. On the days that he had been high he could even hear the man, like he was his own conscience, like he'd been warning him, telling him not to. It had been his own conscience, though, and Syaoran knew that it was only his wild imagination. His father was gone, and there were no such things as ghosts.

"I hate sisters," he'd told his father one day after they converted him into a brightly dressed little girl. His father had laughed at him and wiped away the lipstick from his lips.

"I understand, Xiao Lang. It'll be alright. You can trouble them when you're older." He'd told him.

"Why do I have sisters?"

"Because they need you, Xiao Lang. They need the little wolf to protect them."

Syaoran felt himself laugh. Till this day, that nickname of his made him laugh.

"I don't want to protect them. Don't wolves eat people?"

"Not their own sisters, my son."

His father had been so patient, so loving. In all respects, he'd made up for everything he'd missed in a mother. Fact was his father had been everything he'd needed. Maybe, if he'd been alive, he'd never have left Hong Kong in the first place. The thought was traumatizing. That was like asking fate to change everything he'd known all along and what he knew was this: He was a Li, he lost his father when he was young, he never really had a mother and his only family were four deranged sisters and one comical cousin.

Syaoran had gotten high on New Year's night, at a party Shiefa had taken him to. Feimei had been furious. She'd slapped him. For the first time in his adult, or child life, one of his sisters had slapped him. Right after he'd simply grinned at his sister and then hugged her. She'd thought he'd gone mad. Shiefa had too. Fanren had been at work, then when she returned she'd been too tired to notice anything strange. Mei Ling had been away at a shoot in Tokyo.

Tokyo... so close to where Sakura was... probably is. How far was Tomoeda from Tokyo anyhow? How far was he from Sakura?

Weeks passed before he decided to go back to Glasgow, find work and get back to life. Whatever Kaho had been, she'd been helping and he knew better than to throw it all away. So he'd smoked a little coke, big deal. Coke wasn't even his thing anyway. He'd get over it. He would have to. His sisters were on the brink of killing him if he didn't change.

His brother-in-law, Feimei's husband, Xi Chen, had dropped him off at the airport. Syaoran and he didn't really have many words to exchange, but Syaoran figured he was a good man. He had to be.

"Will you be back?" was the one thing he'd asked Syaoran when they'd neared the airfield. Syaoran nodded.

"Well, the kids will miss you, as will Feimei, I'm sure." He slapped his back and said. Syaoran nodded again.

"I'll see you soon," he'd told him before flipping on his backpack.

Six months later, Shiefa joined Glasgow Univeristy with Fuutie. The two of them were studying law, and they'd decided to do it together. They moved in with him, killing off all chances of peace and quiet, and he was never alone. No. There were days when he'd wished they would leave him alone, but they didn't. Not once.

Shiefa got into go-karting and took part in national level races. Syaoran had never been more proud.

"To every man who claimed that women couldn't drive!" she said as she toasted at her congratulatory party. A grin came over Syaoran's face just thinking about it.

A year later, Fuutie had helped Syaoran set up a gallery, sorting out the legalities and all that. Sure, it was from the help of an amateur lawyer, but Syaoran took it nonetheless. Lillian had been a huge help. She and Syaoran were co-owners of the place, sharing the burden of who puts up what and who gets an opportunity to go up there and all that. That was how Lillian finally found some income. Lillian had been more than grateful. Syaoran had been more than willing. Anything for the girl.

Syaoran did not date. He found it beneath him to date, especially after Sakura. Sakura had been his everything and he missed her dearly. It was sad to think that a single girl had made such a mush out of him just with a few months in hand. Sometimes he would look over at her apartment balcony and question...

_Do you miss me, Sakura?_

Getting high that one last time had reminded him of everything: of Sakura, of Nakuru, of his life, of his mother, of his father. He never met Nakuru again and thank heavens for that. No. He'd wasted his life over his mother once. He would not do it again. No more, not again.

His phone rang.

"Yeah?"

"You'd better get down here. You've got a pretty high up visitor."

"Who is it?"

"Clow,"

Syaoran hung up and picked up his coat and things. One last fleeting look out his balcony and he was out of there.

It wouldn't matter. He would be exactly six minutes late in meeting the man who'd given him his first chance at becoming a world renowned painter.

*.*

Clow had returned home after his visit to the new gallery._ Little Wolf_, it had been called. It had intrigued him, made him wonder, and so he went in.

Lovely little place, he'd decided as he walked through the halls searching for his wife.

"Hello, uncle," Eriol's voice boomed across the halls. Clow smiled.

"Eriol," he nodded. "Nice of you to visit. Have you seen your aunt?"

"Last I saw her she was in the library."

Clow's lips smacked in understanding. "Of course she is. If you'll excuse me, I shall go find her. I assume you're staying for dinner?"

"I am, uncle, if you'll have me."

"You're always welcome here, Eriol, don't be ridiculous."

Clow entered the library after that and found his wife draped across his favourite chair, her chin high as she speculated the painting before her, he presumed.

"Do you like it?" he asked her after kissing her hand, then her cheek. She nodded.

"It is marvellous. Who is the painter?"

"The same boy as the painting I bought at the Exhibit. Lovely boy, very talented." Clow told her before turning to look at the painting he'd just picked up at the gallery he'd been to. His men had it put up before he'd requested, it appeared.

"I love the pose, how the woman is standing. I especially love how her hair shields her away from us, as though no one else exists for her."

"To me, she reminds me of you, darling."

"Really?" his wife turned then, her eyes ablaze. "Pray, tell."

"It is merely instinctual. I see a resemblance between you and the two paintings. I must have you meet the boy."

Yelan rose then. "I am not interested in a self portrait, Clow. You know that."

Clow smiled in a way that suggested that he knew that she would say that. "I know that, my dear. Shall we go down for dinner? Your nephew is here to join us."

"I know. Is Nakuru joining us as well?"

"I'm afraid not. I have no idea what that girl does with her time," Clow said. "I will need to tell her mother to keep a closer eye on her."

"That may very well do no good, Clow. You know how the girl is."

"She is still my niece, no matter what I say." Clow told her as a matter of fact like, as he offered her his hand to escort her.

"That, she is. If I may have a few minutes to freshen up, I'll be right down. Carry on without me," she told Clow. Clow nodded and left, his face still smiling as he walked away, his footsteps soundless.

He turned around when he rounded the corner at the door, watching his wife's expression as she took in the portrait before her. A last glance and he was gone.

Yelan stood staring at the painting before her.

"So, you're a painter, are you?" she spoke to the painting as if it were alive. A smile crept into her face as she reached forward and touched the canvas, remembering the words of her son's last voicemail.

_I need you._

That had been the last time he'd called her. She turned around and observed the first painting Clow had bought, the one of the woman facing away and dressed in black, holding up a fan before her face.

Yelan then turned away and left the room to go to her own, realizing how close she'd been to answering that last call of his.

No matter, she told herself as she walked down to the dining hall. The boy was doing well for himself, and finally he was out of her life. He hadn't called her in years and for that she was grateful. Their somewhat eccentric relationship had come to a hasty finish.

The thought saddened her more than she let on.

*.*

Lillian stood on a tall, wooden ladder, painting the walls of the ruins as she thought about various things.

She thought about the gallery, how it was doing well considering that both Syaoran and she were new to the art world.

She thought about Syaoran, how much better he seemed to be doing. From what she understood, he was taking the Group therapy even more seriously than before and seemed to be enjoying his time in Glasgow. Yes, she was glad he was finally moving on, if not with her, but just moving on in general. It had been heartbreaking to see him the way he'd been before he left Glasgow. Going home had indeed helped him, and for that she was relieved.

The sound of footsteps fell onto her ears and she turned, careful of the ladder, wondering who it could be. It was pretty late in the night. Unfortunately for Lillian, this was the only time she had to spare for painting in the subway ruins nowadays. With the gallery on her head she had too much to get done, but even that wouldn't be worth getting killed over in the middle of the night in the dark, musty ruins.

"You look a little pale, Lilli," came a dark, vicious voice that Lillian recognized instantly. A sigh of relief left her.

"You scared the hell out of me, Nakuru,"

The girl with the long red hair came into view, a sly grin on her face. "You'll have to forgive me for that,"

"What're you doing here?" Lillian asked her old best friend as she stepped down from the ladder and onto the ground. "Last I heard you were in America, lynching them of everything they're worth."

Nakuru's dark laugh vibrated through the ruins. "I was, actually, lynching the Americans of everything they are worth. I'm surprised you even knew."

Lillian huffed. "Yeah, right. I haven't seen you down here in two years."

"Haven't had the time, sweet. And I have been here. You just haven't been here when I have."

Lillian cocked her head forward.

"Besides, I didn't know I had to explain to you my reasons for being here. I thought it was a privilege as co-founder of these ruins to be here as and when I pleased."

Lillian punched her former best friend's hand. Or were they still best friends? Lillian couldn't tell, really. They'd lost touch, plus so much had changed in the two years that had passed since they'd last met and moreover, she had a new best friend now.

"Just start painting will you," she told Nakuru as she headed back to the ladder.

"Aye, aye, captain," was Nakuru's sarcastic reply.

They didn't say anything else to each other and painted on till dawn.

*.*

Mei Ling had come to Glasgow to visit Tomoyo over one weekend. Tomoyo had never been more pleased. Sonomi Daidouji, her mother, had been more than accepting of her partner, and that had made Tomoyo happier than ever.

Mei Ling sat on her bed eying her photo frames as Tomoyo used her bathroom. One photo frame stood out, and Mei Ling went closer to inspect, wondering if she'd been seeing. She held the photo frame and narrowed her eyes.

"What're you looking at?" Tomoyo asked as she came out of the bathroom, shutting the door after her.

"This," Mei Ling showed her the photo of Syaoran and Sakura. Tomoyo smiled and took the frame into her hands.

"This was the one photo I took of them remember? That time during dinner?" she paused to take in their expressions. "I think this is their only photo."

"Why do you still have it? And why put it up?" Mei Ling asked then as Tomoyo placed it back with the other frames. She shrugged in reply.

"Why not? I found it one day and knew Sakura wouldn't want it, and neither would Syaoran obviously, so I kept it instead."

Mei Ling shook her head at her lover. "You really are weird, you know that?"

Tomoyo grinned like a wild cat. "You love me for it."

So she did, Mei Ling decided as she slipped off her shoes. So she did.

*.*

Fujitaka had woken up bright and early to get the day started. It was the day of Sakura's first job interview, a teaching position at Tomoeda University, and the man hoped that she would get it. She had it in her blood to be a better professor than he ever was, and he just knew she was going to get this.

He got dressed, wore his apron and walked down the stairs past Sakura's bedroom. He peeked in just for a second to find her sprawled across the bed, snoring lightly. He chuckled. Nothing had changed. She was still the same, little person he thought for sure he'd scarred for life but no, she was braver than that. His Sakura was more than that. She was brave, so very brave, and he hoped that would never change.

Fujitaka wondered if she'd managed to fall in love, meet a boy? Touya had told him a long time ago that she'd been with a local boy from the neighbourhood, but it didn't seem like she was with someone at the moment.

_"They were a gift,"_

He was sure that the earrings had meant more than a gift to Sakura, whomever they had come from.

"She's going to stay, Nadeshiko," he told his wife as he flipped the pancake. "She's come home and she's going to stay."

It wasn't an out of the ordinary act anymore. He spoke to his wife, loud and clear, whenever he was alone. It had always felt good doing it in the haze of the high, even if he'd been losing his grip on what was real and what wasn't. Seeing his wife was the one thing that could have made him happy, that had made him happy. Now, though, things were different.

"I think she's forgiven me," he whispered with a smile. "I didn't think she ever would, but she did."

He stood still for a moment and then proceeded to pour out the next pancake. After he set the table he went to put in some clothes into the machine. He couldn't help but smile when he found his daughter's sweatshirt and other clothes in the pile.

_And I built a home_  
_For you_  
_For me_

* * *

**QUESTION: **What was your favourite part of _Tattooed_?

If you haven't heard this song, you have to hear it. YOU MUST.

Epilogue coming up in a few hours.

Come join me at my CCS Fanpage on Facebook called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Link on profile.

Do you like my work? Want to discuss it? Join my group called GP06FR. Link on profile.

Read and Review. Thank you!


	50. Epilogue

**Tattooed**

**S****ummary**: "I've lost everything to drugs, do you know that?" Sakura told him with tears in her eyes. "The funny thing is I've never even touched a drug in my life and yet it destroyed me. It took everything." She turned to face him then. "Please, don't let it take you away from me. I won't be able to handle it, not this time, not again." S x S.

**Author's Note: **Fashion Fairy 26, deadflo, amelonchalicangel:

Not many of you reviewed, but I guess that's only expected. It is a Sunday, after all.

A little more than two months and Tattooed is finished.

This is it, you guys. This is it.

**Disclaimer: **Not mine.

* * *

**Epilogue**

_I don't want this moment to ever end,_  
_Where everything's nothing without you._

_- _**With Me/Sum41**

Three Years later

_Ms. Fanren Li_

_And _

_Mrs. Sonomi Daidouji_

_Would like to request the honour of your presence_

_At the marriage of their daughters_

_Mei Ling Rae _

_to_

_Tomoyo Daidouji_

_on_

_Saturday, the eighteenth of September_

_Two thousand and fifteen_

_The Hilton Hall,_

_Glasgow, UK_

Sakura walked down the aisle with the flowers in her hand, smiling at the guests all the way. She felt nervous, but then she scoffed at herself. It wasn't as if this was her wedding. In any case, Sakura didn't want to think about why she was nervous. She instead focused on putting one foot in front of the other, her eyes on the minister.

She stood by the minister, smiled at him, and wondered if she looked any different in these past few years. Yes, she had put on some weight, and maybe even some wrinkles added onto her face, but that could just be her cynical self talking.

Why was she thinking about this, again?

Her father was seated on the front row with Touya and Yukito next to them. The other bridesmaids walked down the aisle. Then, there was Tomoyo, being given away by her mother. It had been beautiful to watch.

Sakura knew what was coming next. She couldn't help but look away. She was too afraid to look, too afraid of what could happen if she looked. She dared a look then.

Mei Ling looked beautiful in her white, short dress as she was escorted by Fanren and... Syaoran. He looked the same, Sakura decided, as he walked down the aisle. He hadn't noticed her yet, it seemed, but that was probably a good thing. She hoped he would go the entirety of the wedding without noticing. It would make things so much easier. It would kill her from the inside, but it would make everything so much easier.

Syaoran kissed Mei Ling's cheek, then Fanren's, and then he and Fanren took a seat on the other row, away from her father's row. Next to them were three other women who Sakura knew for a fact were Syaoran's sisters, and they were as lovely as in his painting. He'd be out of sight now, but Sakura couldn't help sneak a look.

"Dearly beloved," the minister began. "I welcome you all here to the joining of Mei Ling and Tomoyo in holy matrimony."

Sakura couldn't really grasp what else the minister had said, for at that moment she'd decided to sneak a glance at Syaoran.

And he'd been looking straight at her.

Her clasp on the bouquet of flowers had tightened as her mind drew a blank. Syaoran was looking at her in that way that she'd always known, as Sakura wondered if she should smile. He looked the same, his eyes bright and his skin a good colour. Sakura then saw Lillian in a seat behind him, looking all too grown up and beautiful, her long blonde hair now up in a bun, the pink streaks gone without a trace. She was saying something to the man with dark hair and spectacles... and Syaoran was still looking at her. She decided smiling would, or could, break the ice. So, after mustering up the little bit of confidence she'd brought with her, she smiled.

Seconds later, Syaoran smiled back.

*.*

"Ladies and gentlemen," Sakura said as she stood up at the table he'd been sharing with her through dinner. It'd been painful not to say anything, or do anything, but smile at her. What else was there but smile?

"My name is Sakura Kinomoto, and I am the Maid of Honour of our dear Tomoyo here," she said, her smile widening.

"Tomoyo and I have been best friends since we were five years old, and through the years, somewhere, somehow, she became more than a best friend. She became the sister I never had." Sakura then turned her gaze to Mei Ling. "Today I have the honour of welcoming a new member to our family, someone who Tomoyo has trusted and loved through the years. Mei Ling is someone who anyone can fall in love with, someone who is free spirited, strongly willed... someone who will support you no matter what.

"May you both have an eternity together, and may the madness never die. This is for my sisters, ladies and gentlemen, and you all have a wonderful night here with us,"

Syaoran remembered to applaud along with the crowd as his cousin and her partner kissed, their love clear for anyone to see.

Syaoran stood then. He'd been asked to speak, and he couldn't have denied her. "This is for the sister any guy would be lucky to have. She was blessed enough to find love, and doubly so to be able to marry that love. Cheers you guys, may love fill your home and always bring you happiness."

The song that Syaoran had suggested was playing, the familiar chords and words in the air. Mei Ling had complained it wasn't mushy enough, but Syaoran reminded her that neither was she. A man Syaoran had never seen took Tomoyo's hand and walked to the dance floor. Mei Ling looked at Syaoran and the two of them stood to join them.

"Who is that?" he asked Mei Ling as they danced on.

"Sakura's father," Mei Ling told him, and then rested her head on his chest.

Sakura's father... the words left an impact on him, an impact he didn't understand. The man danced with Tomoyo carefree and easy, the man so opposite to the person Sakura had illustrated. Syaoran frowned and looked away.

So that was Sakura's father.

A few more hidden glances and Syaoran had his answer. Sakura looked so much like her father.

*.*

"Can I have this dance?" Syaoran asked Sakura as she sat with her legs up on the seat, her shoes piled on the floor. Sakura grinned and moaned.

"My feet are killing me, Syaoran." She hadn't said his name out loud in years. It felt strangely nice to say his name again.

"Come on, Sakura, I'm sure you've got one more dance left in you."

So they danced.

Sakura laced her hand in his, her other hand around his neck as she wondered if green was the right choice for the wedding. She looked bland, in her opinion, but Tomoyo and Mei Ling had assured her it was the colour for her. Sakura shrugged the doubts away and simply danced to the melancholic tune.

"You're still wearing the earrings," Syaoran told her as he brushed away some hair from her face. She knew she should have tied it up.

"I am," she told him, swallowing the bit of nervous cotton balls in her throat.

"They look beautiful on you, just as before."

The word beautiful made something in her blood stir. "Syaoran, I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to apologize." He told her as he brought her closer to him. She could feel his warmth, his heartbeat in his chest, his breath on her face. God, he felt the same.

"I'd given up, Sakura. I got high, I sat on the streets and sulked in self pity and there you were, in the rain, looking at me with those green eyes. Finally, somebody who saw me for me. Finally, someone worth it. I will never be able to repay you for that. So please, don't apologize.

"You told me that you didn't want to lose me to the drugs, and I'm sorry that's how I managed to lose you." He told her with a tone she couldn't quite place. "You'll be happy to know that I've been clean for years now."

"Really? That's great. I'm glad for you."

Syaoran twirled her then and dipped low, Sakura's hand clawing into Syaoran's skin, probably a little painfully. His face was so close to hers now, like it had been many years ago, and while Sakura should have been admiring his beautiful eyes, she'd found her own wandering down his throat...

"What's this?" she asked as he pulled her up, her hands gripping his collar.

Before he could object, or even think of stopping her, she'd already shoved away his collar forcefully, revealing the remainder of the black ink she'd seen. She didn't think it was what she thought it was, but it was.

**You will never see her again.**

**But whenever it rains, you will think of her.**

The words had made her think of that one time they'd spoken about it. The vertically sprawled majestic writing had her entire life flashing before her.

_"I'm surprised you don't have any tattoos,"_

_"I never really thought about it,"_

Green eyes, sparkling in the twinkly lights, met rich brown ones.

"_I'm twenty,"_

A hand brushed across the writing, just along the length of his neck, gently, lovingly.

"_Have you seen my pipe?"_

"Did it hurt?" Sakura found herself asking, her hands back at her sides, her head held high.

"_... and I've been so jealous of you, your untainted skin, body... heart and soul."_

Syaoran fingered the tattoo, or what could be seen of it from over his shirt. "What's life without a little pain?"

"Why?" the question escaped her lips before she could stop herself. Now that she'd asked it, she waited for an answer. She got none.

Instead, the man before her smiled.

"_You are everything and nothing can ever change that."_

Sakura puffed out a breath of air before smiling back.

_All the streets, where I walked alone,_  
_With nowhere to go, have come to an end._

* * *

I knew what song I would use for the epilogue even before I started writing this story.

You all have no idea how much I'm going to miss this, miss writing Tattooed. This is my first finished project. My absolute First, and while there are so many changes I need to make, it's still something I will cherish forever, and you all helped with that. Thank you. Thank you for sticking with me for so long. Thank you for reviewing, complaining and just being here, reading all the updates and sticking with me while I tried to complete this.

Q. Did you find Tattooed to your expectations? Why, and why not?

I've put up the paintings and dresses and rest used in the story on my CCS Fanpage on FB called 'Hiiragizawa's Archive of Bolting Cardcaptors'. Come like!

Also, I have a group opened called GP06FR. Come add yourself and we can talk about anything. From my next project to your dead end job, absolutely anything.

I hope to see you guys there. And I hope you'll read my next story.

Also, whenever you're free, read Tattooed again, all together. It's something magical, I tell you, how Syaoran and Sakura come together.

_Thank you._

_P._


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